WHAT DO YOU THINK? Mother kills daughters TRUST?

Question

I was married to a man for 18 years , when I filed for a divorce he told me that he had a secert to tell me an that he had tiresd for years but was afraid to. he said that MY mom an him had an affair when OUR daughter was 18 months, This has kill my trust an respect for Both of them, an its hard as hell to forgive or forget, i live only 5 houses away from her and try my best to get along cas shes my mother..

Answer 1

I think he took the term mother f****ker to literally. As for your mom I just don't know about that.

Answer 2

It is hard to forgive and forget....but we are never told to forget, just forgive....serious.... she is not thinking about this... and neither is he. You need to find the way to forgive.... just for your own sake, for your own health. BUT DO NOT FORGET!!!!!
Yes she is your mom, moms can make mistakes, but you only have to respect her as far as that. You can have a relationship with her that is 'business like' so to speak.
Something I'd like to see you do... is move if at all possible more than 5 houses away....maybe 5 towns.
Don't need her for anything., be independent.
BTW has she apologized for this? Even if not you can tell her you forgive her for it, but that you can't forget...it is the first step you can take toward healing.
The thing about forgiveness too is that you cant bring it up in the future.
Hope it helps.
Last bit of advice..... be a better MOM to your baby!!!!!!
God bless

Answer 3

Oh my. What an awful place to be in. Are you sure that it's true what he said? He could be saying it just to hurt you or your mom?

It would be tough to live with this .. going through a divorce AND the possibility of this affair .. you must be feeling such a huge sense of loss and betrayal. I hope you have a caring friend/colleague/counselor/priest, someone you can talk to, during this time. I think if you don't, it will eat you up inside like acid and make it even harder to move on with your life.

Answer 4

Did you confront your mother about this? Is it possible that your ex is just making up this rumor to make you angry and distant from your mother? If I were you, I'd find out the truth before believing him. If it is true, then yes, she has betrayed you in such a horrible manner, that it would be "almost" impossible to gain trust again. But not impossible. You can both go to counseling and try to fix this one of a kind relationship. Remember, you only have one mother, and even though she may not be perfect, you deserve to find out everything and why this happened, if it did happen. Counseling together is the best bet.

Answer 5

Tough... scary. It was a long time ago, if I read correctly. You lived with her all that time without knowing; she hasn't changed, just because you know it. If it is the past... let go. It was, IMHO, absolutely wrong of her and him too, but...

Tell her that you know, and that you want to distance yourself from her for some time, while your emotions settle. I know it will be very difficult for you to trust her again, and almost impossible to respect her. But you can not escape the fact that she gave you life, that you are family, and bit by bit that may bring you back to being able to be civil with her without danger of having a nervous breakdown.

Don't force yourself, let your emotions run their course. I hope you feel heeling forgiveness soon!

Answer 6

That's a tough one. Talk about down right outrageous. have you confronted your mother? I would not even know how to put trust back into any sentence that she is in and would probably not even maintain a relationship with her. forgiving and forgetting: 2 different things. that kind af deceit is unthinkable, especially when as a parent she should be fully aware of how difficult it is to hold a marriage together with interrutions from strangers let alone your own mother causing havoc in it. SHAME ON HER! hope she can live with herself knowing that she probably contributed to your divorce!

Answer 7

OMG that is terrible.I dont know what I would do if i were in your shoes.I think i would let your mom know how you feel.Nothing will ever be the same between you again.She broke that trust when she spread her legs for her son in law.If you want to get things back on track i would suggest you and your mother go to counceling and find out why this even happened in the first place.As for your husband or ex I think I would have beat him down for that its bad enough he cheated but with your mom thats even worse.I hope everything works out and you find someone that will love you and be loyal to you and keep your mom away from them.

Answer 8

I wouldn't even want to see my mom again. At least for a couple of years. That is something that will be hard to forgive them both for. But you should let her know how you feel and see what she has to say about the situation.

Answer 9

Are you positive that It wasn`t his way to get your back up? I hope & pray for your sake that it is not true, your mother should be the one person in the world that you should have compleete trust in and to violate that trust is terrible but to violate that trust with your husband WHAMO! You need to confrount your mother and clear any un answered questions and set things straight. You dont want this to come back and nip you in the butt in years time. This is the stuff that can really mess with your head. hang in there.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to tell you this, but, your mother doesn't deserve your respect, if this is true. If this is true, your mom has her own issues about aging and desirability if she is chasing after her child's spouse. But, then again, make sure. Divorcing spouses can be nasty and vicious in the lies they tell.

Good luck.

Answer 11

I'd be putting my house up for sale. Being cordial is one thing but I wouldn't be living right down the road from her either. I think our relationship would consist of saying hello as we pass in the grocery store or something.