In essence I don't mind this as I like giving advice to all my friends. but she just does not listen. Her boyfriend is nice but they are just not compatible she is a complete pushover, doing all the housework and he doesn't lift a finger. He can be disrespectful but she never questions him on it. I give her advice (i.e. talk to him, discuss your problems) but she ignores me. Every6 months or so she's phone me crying her eyes out saying she's unhappy and that she's scared to be alone I tell her it's better to be alone then in a **** relationship and that she WILL find someone better but she says she would rather have second best then nothing. I'm at my wits end. I want to support her but if she won't listen what can I do!!! there is more background but would be here for years explaining it!!!
2006-07-21 01:44:39 · 12 answers · asked by Little minx 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
in one month I had 59 missed calls from her.
2006-07-21 01:51:18 · update #1
Let me point out I missed 59 calls but still spoke to her 4 times a week!!!! Sometimes I just need a break!
2006-07-21 03:31:24 · update #2
Oh and this has been going on for 5 years! Help!
2006-07-21 03:32:35 · update #3
aaagh doesn`t it make you feel like pulling your hairout??? I know where you are coming from and It`s best to just lend an ear then give advice that lands on deaf ones. You will probably find that she has no intentions on leaving him she`s just saying what she says to vent her frustration and anger. You sound like a fantastic friend and I`m sure she`s lucky to have you, hang in there your doing all you can.
2006-07-21 01:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by - 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since when did anyone really listen to the advice of their friends? The whole job of being a friend is to watch a person you love dearly make the same mistakes again and again and not judge them for it while always being there with a big hug and a stiff drink at the end.
As for the way she demands your attention, just tell her that you have a busy life but do want to help. Encourage her to drop you emails and msn you because you are not always available to speak over the phone. With a variety of communication tools available she might feel more secure of your friendship. Mind you if my friend missed my call 59 times I think I'd be a bit insecure!
2006-07-21 02:06:30 · answer #2 · answered by poppyfields 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until she realises she doesn't need a man to be happy & can survive on her own two feet she will continue to be this guys doormat, you've tried to stop her & she hasn't listened so you have a choice now. You can be there for her all the time & listen to her problems or you can be totally honest with her & tell her she knows what she should do & you can't help her till she is willing to stop playing the victim card, tell her you will be there for her but you cannot listen to her pain every day, she has to do something about it. When she phones just ask her if she's surprised he's acting that way & tell her if she's miserable then she should leave and leave it at that.
How is she ever gonna find a decent bloke & relationship if she stays with him???
2006-07-21 01:53:12 · answer #3 · answered by madamspud169 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, no one can ever say you didn't try your best. But sometimes, some people just need to figure out by themselves what's wrong in their situation, why he/she's suffering, why he/she's hurting, etc. Even if you try to pound the truth into your friend's head, unless she, herself, opens her eyes and ears and see what's going on, hear what you're saying, realize what's happening and would want to change or fix her life, she will continue to be in this destructive relationship. I understand how taxing it is for you to be constantly there for her while she, she's not even helping herself. But right now, I think your friend needs you to be there for her, to just listen to her and not give her any advise anymore. You've already told her what she needs to hear. Now, pray for her. Somehow, I believe that one way or the other, your friend is gonna wake up and realize how wrong this relationship is for her. When that time comes, she will need you to be there for her all the more. You've already been a very good friend to her, and I commend you for that. A true friend like you is very rare, a friend with a patience like yours. Now how about extending that patience and understanding a little bit more?
2006-07-21 02:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Dark Beauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I knew someone like this too and always felt under some pressure to provide some advice like I was a Mr Fix it Club, and then it occurred to me that wasn't what she needed or even wanted, she just wanted to unload and talk about stuff.
Suddenly, hearing her problems was so much easier. Most men when they come to you with a problem are looking for a solution, most women simply want to share and are not really interested in advice
2006-07-21 01:58:22 · answer #5 · answered by Nimbus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, i'd be blunt right here. your associates aren't from now on acquaintances. they don't deserve you. honestly one of my acquaintances has a similar difficulty. yet i won't be able to fairly do some thing to assist her, seeing that she lives over 6 hours far flung from me. it would not rely what percentage acquaintances you've, they can all be douches. All you want is that one particular, significant pal and that is what you want. Now the position to get that pal, i fairly can no longer help you there. All for the length of severe college, I under no circumstances had any actual acquaintances, only human beings i'd casually verify with in college and through summer season i does no longer even verify with them. They forgot about me and that i forgot about them. subsequently, I spent my entire summers interior my homestead, gazing T.V., on the information superhighway, reading, writing and doing even with the certainty that. it fairly is the suggestion that I honestly have. As to do to make your summer season thrilling, there is stuff accessible, a lot that you may want to do without human beings and without fake acquaintances. sturdy success!
2016-11-25 00:02:17 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We as friends are here to support / be the shoulder to lean or a sounding board but in the end - the decision is still up to them.
Keep doing what you are doing. You are a good friend.
Don't get tired of listening to her problems.
2006-07-21 01:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by Azil-em 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand your frustration but at the end of the day that's what friends are for,you've gotta take the good and the bad and if you're finding it hard accepting the bad maybe she's not really a friend in your eyes and you'd be better saying so than grudging everytime she needs a shoulder to lean on.
2006-07-21 02:44:17 · answer #8 · answered by ♥cozicat♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to encourage her to email instead of call, that way you can choose when to answer. It's also easier to say what you think without interruptions. You can't really advise her, she will only hear what she wants to hear. sooner or later she will realise that she has to do something about her situation. that is when you can be the friend she really needs.
2006-07-21 02:20:25 · answer #9 · answered by ragdoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i have has friends like that they will wise up and learn you just have to be there for them and let them vent their problem for a lil longer she will get tired of it
2006-07-21 01:52:48 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋