I spent alot of my husbands money while he was overseas, take out a loan?

Question

My husband has been in Iraq for the last yr &1/2 due home next mo. The town we live in only has a casino and many bars. I don't do the bar scene so needless to say I spent many nights at the casino. And I spent ALOT of his money. I have not told him. Eventually, yes I will honesty is very important to me, but my overriding concern is that I owe him this money and want it to be there when he comes home, he worked WAY too hard for it. Should I take out a personnal loan? I just want him to have his money back. I just wonder what the rate on a personnal loan is, but at the same time no matter what it is, that way i would definitly pay the money back because i would have to. A concern is that when he comes home, he doesnt have a vehicle and we will have to take out a loan to get one. I didn't spend everything, I did pay off all his debts, about $5000,and i did buy 8000 worth of savings bonds if i take out a secured loan against the bonds will that be a problem when he applies for a car loan

I guess for all these people trashing me I want to elaborate a bit further. You have no idea what the situation is unless you have been there. The divorce rate after deployment is astronomical, even during deployment at LEAST 20 couples we know of have gotten divorced already, the stress rates are unimaginable. So many women I know are having affairs and what not. I'm not saying what i did was not bad but it is the way i relieved pressure. which when i sought adviceabout gambling they said pressure was the number one trigger. And I'm not talking about I spent all of his money, I spent about $8000 after gambling, rent and various other things, out of about the $75,000 he has earned. like i said i paid of his debts and bought some bonds and the rest is in our acount, i just feel like i should pay this money back. I DO work I'm not a leech

to clarify..he has earned $75000, I spent 8000 on gambling and other things. the rest is in our bonds or savings account

i came here for advice not to be trashed...my husband knows exactly how much money we have, he knows i've spent money and has never questioned it, it's my own guilt that has lead to this post. I DO work and it is not a problem to pay this money, i was just seeking practical advice on the best way to do so...

Answer 1

I apologize for all these people who are jumping on you when you are simply trying to do the right thing now. To give you some background, I'm a naval reservist currently deployed in Afghanistan. In the civilian world I'm a financial advisor. You are absolutely right about the high divorce rates after deployments. A big reason for these divorces is because couples have trouble communicating with each other after being separated for such a long time. In my opinion, the worse thing that you could do at this point is try to cover up what you did by getting a personal loan. How do you think he will feel if he opens up a piece of mail down the road from some bank about some loan that he knows nothing about. Unless you have very good credit and income you will have trouble qualifying for an $8000 unsecured loan anyway. (You aren't allowed to use savings bonds as collateral for a loan). Talk to your man. You've done a great thing for him by paying off his debt and those savings bonds that you bought are a good investment also. You've also taken care of his stuff, the kids, and the house/appartment. You can get thru this if you guys talk it out and work thru it together.
Imagine the worse case scenario. You take out the loan. He comes back and wants a car so he goes out and gets another loan for the vehicle. His income is going to go down significantly when he returns because he'll loose combat pay, hazardous duty pay, family separation allowance, and the tax free exclusion. Now you have a bunch of extra debt with a lot less income. That's not a good situation. I hope that you don't think that I'm being judgemental because I'm not but you may also need to address the issue of how you lost the money. If you have a gambling problem, you may need help in that area. I know how hard it is to be the spouse of a deployed sailor/soldier. My dad was in the Navy also so I saw my Mom dealing with it. Every military guy that I know feels the same way about how tough it is for the spouse back home. Good luck to you honey. I really hope that things work out for you.

Answer 2

Well, I was [past tense] a military wife.

I wish there had been casinos for me to blow his money at. And I wish I would have been allowed to do that. He was a tightwad, and I found other ways to amuse myself in his absence.

It's not right of me, but that's what happened. We're divorced now.

I think you should just talk to him about it when he gets home. Tell him, "I spent ALOT of money while you were gone honey!! Shall we go make love? It's been a year and a half since I've had sex!"

As for getting a loan, that should be something the two of you discuss together, to decide on the best possible rates and suchlike. I'm sure he'll be angry at first, but money is material... It comes and goes so fast anyways, it's definitely something you can make back, borrow, pay back, etc.

The fact that you paid off his debts, bough savings bonds and were otherly "responsible" should outweigh your splurges at the casinos.

I'm sure things will work for you, as long as you try. And don't let money bother you too much. You only spent $8000 in a year and a half. He makes PLENTY of money to keep you amused while he's gone. And if you're working, you make money too!! Maybe eight grand is a bit much, but I don't think you should try to overextend yourself to "pay him back" - you are married after all! Just take time, the money will come back to you.

best wishes hon.

Answer 3

A month is too short to earn back 8K. Getting a loan to buy savings bonds did not sound right. The loan interests are always higher than savings bonds - savings bonds are the most conservative investments out there. You will owe more in the future than earned interest. I would contact a financial advisor, some are free at mutual fund firms if you open an account.

If you paid 5K out of 8K of debt, that's nothing to worry about - just promise to put away $60 a week = 3K/year. I would recommend to contact a therapist to help your compulsion - probably from depression. Tell your husband about your compulsion and see a marriage councilor together. It might be expensive, but cheaper than divorce and better for the soul.

Answer 4

If you paid off his debts of $5,000 and bought $8,000 of bonds, how much did you gamble away??? No point in taking out a loan, those loan sharks will want their pound of flesh, and you'll be even deeper in the poo! You will have to be a big girl and 'fess up, and try to earn some money to pay him back. It's my guess that he won't want to have a joint bank account with you anymore.! You need to be very sorry and make reparation. When you've done that you will get your self-respect back.

Answer 5

First you should be a transparent wife. While your husband earns every dollar in between severe risk, he thinks of you (and your children). He ended up at Iraq to pay off the debts. But you misused his trust and spent that money by going to the place that is hated by ordinary people generally. On his arrival you talk to him and tender a sincere apology and promise him you will not enter in casino for gambling with imediate effect. If he decides to forgo those amounts it is your luck otherwise it stands a debt on you. But don't do the same again and I feel that you started repenting. God Bless you - Best of Luck. PS: Whatever amount is left with you pay to the debt service, don't enter in Casino again!.

Answer 6

You aren't doing him any favors by taking out a loan, because you are married to him, the loan will also be on his head.

You are better off just explaining the situation to him and promise to pay him back the money in some form or another. Considering you spent some money paying his debts, and spend a considerable amount on investments, he probably won't be too quick to axe your head off.

Answer 7

Yes you are wrong.You have spent your husband's money for gambling in the casino.According to Islamic teaching,gambling is prohibited You did it you have a big sin.You must ask for God's forgiveness.Besides that you are wrong too,using your husband'money without his permission.If you have your own income you should replace your husband's money as soon as possible before he come home.In Islam the wife should ask permission from her husband before she spend his money especially not for routine e.xpenditures

Answer 8

Quit digging,the hole you dug for yourself is just getting deeper.Tell your husband and try to get passed this.The best lesson you have learned is that you have no control.I'm a gambler myself and you have to have a limit and stick to it or you get into a mess like you did.They have an opt-out program if you really need it.It depends on how strong you are.Your happiness is not something to gamble on so I wish you luck,even if it doesn't come with $$$,for you and our hero. God be with you both.

Answer 9

You are but a real gambler,,and a big spender, a shame on you
to spend your husband money w/o his concern. I think the best way is wrote him a letter or give him an email and tell him the truth.

Answer 10

All you have thought of was yourself....you better get a JOB..Get on the computer and talk with other wives whos husbands are in Iraq!!! Bless this solider