mind over matter? i am very strong minded. at least i say i am....?

Question

...but there are certain things that i just can't get past. i work almost full time (30 hrs + per week) go to school full time (M-Th 8-5) you have to be realitively strong minded/motivated to accomplish this. but, for instance, if someone says something negative about my character it will drive me insane for months (sometimes longer). i mean it gets to the point at times i will loose sleep! am i confusing motivation and a strong work ethic with strong mindedness....if so any "real" suggestions on how to overcome "backbitting" would be appreciated...serious answers only please.

please note that the "backbitting" issue is just an example. i value my good name almost more than life it self (exageration) many of my friends say "just forget about it..." if it were a light switch i would have turned it off long ago

Answer 1

ALL WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD IS OUR REPUTATION AND THE MEMORY OF WHAT OTHERS WILL HAVE OF US WHEN WE ARE NO LONGER HERE, SO IT IS KINDA SERIOUS. MOST PEOPLE DO CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT THEM THEY MAY NOT SHOW IT THOUGH, FOR FEAR OF SEEMING INSECURE. THE ABILITY TO SHAKE THINGS OFF IS NOT THAT EASY- I WILL ALLOW SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE SAID RUIN THINGS FOR ME TOO, I JUST ACCEPT THAT IT'S A PART OF MY PERSONALITY. WHO EVER SAID CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK- GOOD, BAD, TRUTH, OR NOT IS A BAD THING? KEEP ON FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT, GOOD THINGS DON'T COME EASY.

Answer 2

I know how hard it is to process negative things said about oneself. I have had that problem to. It is merely non-acceptance. The miscomception here is that this is a matter to be dealt with by the mind. Mind over matter wont help you here. Learn to disidentify with your mind a little. Be a watcher of yourself and others without judjment. Surrender a bit. you will still have a good name, be a good worker (perhaps even better) if you let go and just be in the present. The past doesnt exist any longer so what that person said is no longer reality in any way, and chances are, it never was. Truth be known, those that seek to harm or insult you are the ones with the problems. That being said, if someone says something about you that makes you really mad, check to see if you have any deeply hidden beliefs about this. Often people psychicaly know what bugs you about yourself and they play upon it unconciously. There are times to be in your mind and times to be in the beauty of the moment. Im sure you will discover how to move beyond this. good luck

Answer 3

Here is the truth. You are an over achiever, perfectionist and try your hardest. When somebody tries to fault that, you get upset. It is a learned thing to let things roll off your back. When somebody says something about your character, realize, who are they to have that opinion. It really is their problem isn't it? Not yours. Your plate is full enough already.

The next time somebody says something that bothers you, think about it a while, give yourself a time limit (5, 10, 15 minutes) and then visually open a big metal filing cabinet in your head (visualize) and drop the incident in there. Visualize yourself slamming the big metal drawer shut and think of it as put away. You are done with it. Time to move on to greater, positive things in your life. When it tries to come back out, remember that you gave yourself time over it and have decided it was time for the metal drawer and its time is over with. Takes a little practice but it works.

If you still have trouble, there certainly is nothing wrong with speaking to a therapist for ideas.

Answer 4

MIND over MATTER. u are working very hard to make something of ur self. Dont let someone who seems , well a little jealous of ur motivation and dedication slow u down. In the end, u will BE the person u want to BE and they, well, will probably be working At McDonalds for the rest of their lives. However, dont forget to take some "ME" time for ur self....

Answer 5

Sir I use to feel the same way but the sooner you quit caring about what other people think the better off your mental sate will be. Older people have learned this. If you win an election with 60% of the vote they consider it a landslide. You will never please everybody and can be 100% correct and there will be a boatload of people who will try to say you are wrong. Be happy and proud of yourself and quit worrying about the slanderers.