About 5 1/2 years ago I agreed to 50/50 physical custody and joint legal custody of our son. Prior to that, I had full physical. I always worried his father was motivated for 50/50 to avoid paying support. After years of battle...and years of being made out to be the bad guy, my son spoke up and asked to live with me (and my fiance). I filed for full custody and after 4 months of therapy, taking parenting without conflict and really doing about anything I thought might help it was decided by the therapist and court evaluator that 50/50 was NOT in his best interest and they agreed he should live with me. Now I was told by his father he could not afford child support and would relinquish legal rights. I was 100% against this at first, but realize it's really the best option of those presented to me. I am hoping there are people with similar situations that could help shed some light and maybe give a little heads up on what I may be in store for. Thanks.
2006-07-20 17:39:37 · 8 answers · asked by jimvalloganmadi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all I want to tell you that I was in a VERY ugly divorce many years ago. My ex-wife "stole" the children right out of the courtroom, but that is another story. My "X" told my daughters' that I had died in the RAT CREEK fire in 1994 when I was over there protecting the townsfolk. ANY MAN, who gives up his rights to ANY child is the worst type of scum on the earth. Almost any man can become a father; but it's a special man indeed who is also a DAD. If your fiance has accepted your son, just let it go. When your son wants to "know", he'll ask. Do NOT hold the truth from him, but at the same time, do not talk "down" about his father. This will only serve to escalate the resentment that he already has. Just love him, and let him know that you AND your fiance are there for HIM. 50/50 CAN work if BOTH parents remain "friends", but that is the only way. If there is ANY animosity on either side, things will go sour quickly.
2006-07-20 18:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I am so, so sorry that this has happened to your son. In the long term, he will be better off, although that doesn't help at all now.
His father did not relinquish custody because he cannot afford it. He did it because he is selfish and doesn't want the responsibility. A real father would have done anything to maintain a relationship with your son. If your son doesn't realize this already, he will soon. Be prepared for acting out. Talk about your ex with your son if he wishes. Don't bad mouth him. Explain that sometimes adults act like children and make huge mistakes. Make he realize that his father made a bad decision and it has absolutely nothing to do with him.
What he needs now is love, support, and time from you and your fiance. Is there something that your son and fiance could do together (golf, etc.)? He needs to have some dedicated "man time" each week with someone who can focus solely on him. Not only will it give him something to look forward to each week, it will also help him regain trust in a father figure as well as put a sense of order into his life.
Also, make your son a big part of your wedding. I'm sure he would love to walk you down the aisle. Do everything you can to make him feel as wanted as possible. You have a second chance to be the family he needs and deserves. I wish the three of you all the best.
2006-07-20 18:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a individual can not relinquish their rights to a toddler the comparable way the relinquish using a pair of footwear. No. This guy is the daddy and he has ethical responsibilities besides as criminal responsibilities to that toddler. despite if he has no morals, it is obvious, he continues to be obligated to assist that toddler. the two financially and emotionally. yet you could probable forget approximately the emotional section. he's in straightforward terms a bum. searching for the thank you to get remote from monetary help. He may even nonetheless, relinquish/lose his parental rights in case you could teach that as quickly as he workout those rights, that's risky to the toddler. This could be finished in a court docket. A family participants court docket. in many circumstances the comparable court docket that issued the separation/divorce decree. via fact the custodial parent, you may institute that style of litigation. yet all that doesn't notice subsequently. he's in straightforward terms a bum. Now 2 approaches approximately it. He has to proceed his toddler help and different criminal responsibilities. and you are the only that could proceed to video demonstrate this in a court docket of regulation. i understand his sort all too nicely. while he sees that this tactic won't artwork, he will arise with different 'foolproof' plans. each plan dirtier than the final. yet with this 'giving up rights' thought, you haven't any longer something to concern. solid success.
2016-10-08 03:47:45 · answer #3 · answered by matlock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with those people who are urging you not to bring your son into this. Its way too much for a 10 year old to handle without hurting his own personality development. But I suspect from your question that this advice will fall on deaf ears.
2006-07-20 19:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by Jake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any experience, I'm sorry. I was just wondering if your son has any abandonment issues. Ten year olds are extremely sensitive, and he may be afraid to say anything. It might be a good idea to set up some counseling for him.
2006-07-20 17:47:33 · answer #5 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son was placed in foster care when he was 1. the "foster parents" asked to take my son camping when he was two weeks old. his mom thought it would be a weekend off from diapers, 2:00 feedings, etc. after the weekend the "foster mother" said my son had a "wonderful time camping". from that time, she made several accusations (false ones) to get placement of my son. her accusations caused son's mom to end up in psych ward from breakdowns. since the "foster mother" was on county board and had lots of pull with social services, she got custody for most of his first 8 years. i was able to get custody when he was nine. he had built a relationship with foster parents and while i understood that, thier motives were not on the up and up. when he got mad at me, he would bring up the foster mother. she, among other things, held him out of his first year in school, eventually became his private "tutor"(did his homework for him and caused my son to fail). good luck babe. you have a long, bumpy road.
2006-07-20 18:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't discuss this with a 10yr old
Wait a few years, unless of course you want to build up his resentment, which he probably does'nt have but (Behold the Underlying Truth) you do
2006-07-20 17:46:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think relinquishing his legal rights also clears his child support obligations, but i wouldn't discuss this with your son either, he may be alittle too young for it
2006-07-20 18:24:56 · answer #8 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋