If a girl gets prego & decides that she's not ready to have a baby...?

Question

so she opts to have an abortion but not tell her mom bout it, how would it affect the fam ? Would the fam look down on the girl ? What if the unplanned pregnancy was partly the guy's fault cuz he didn't tell the girl that the condom broke ? Do you think that the fam would understand ? Is it best to keep it a secret FOREVER fr the fam ? How bout if she has kids later on ?

I already got prego bout 2 yrs ago & now that I see my sis w/ a 4 mo old baby, I think to myself... I coulda had a baby... I didn't tell my Mom & I'm afraid that everyone will judge me... It's killing me inside !!! And yet, I'm not sure if I want my fam to know. My Mom is a Grandma now, so how will it affect her ? My Mom said that she wouldn't want me or my sis (who got prego) that she wouldn't want us to have kids. I guess she never thought that we were responsible enough. I can't even take care of MYSELF... & wow, I got so many Qs that the MSN thing that notifies me when I get a new msg got right to the very top even... Kinda scary to look @ the new A's... I was 3 mos prego. The guy who got me prego is no longer a part of my life. He just wanted me for sex. My friend (or former friend, we got in to a huge fight recently) told me that he was just using me for sex, but he coulda @ least TOLD me that the condom broke! Then I coulda went to see the Dr. !!! This is haunting me...

The Dr. told me that I didn't have to tell my Mom (which I said I didn't wanna do) but now I wish that someone woulda taked me in to talking to my Mom bout it... :(

Oh yeah, & I told my Mom something that I didn't want her to tell my sis's so I don't know if I could trust her w/ this secret...anyone else have an abortion ? I never thought that I'd ever have one... I don't want my sis's to be against me my whole life !!! Not just my sis's but my whole FAM !!! Cuz I just KNOW it'd get to the rest of my fam... :( All it takes is ONE person to tell someone & then they tell someone else...etc... :(

I was 24 @ the time & am still feeling regret... After the surgery I started crying... I couldn't help it. I made sure that the "father" came w/ me to the city. It was an expensive trip. I've only told one counselor & my best friend. My best friend didn't know what to say but I just wanted to get it out.

Even now I don't make much $. I don't know how to cook, drive, let alone take care of MYSELF !!! When I was helping my sis babysit one time I was very tired, & I just couldn't stay up much longer so I had to go to bed. Now HOW could a person have kids if they can't take care of someone else's kid ? I slept b/w 5 & 11. I'm "disabled" but am not even really sure why... :$ I forget why actually. My life is a mess. Low self-esteem, low confidence, little income, I can barely get by to make ends meet. In a way I wanna tell my fam, in another way I don't. My sis's would be hurt, that's for sure. My sis even asked me, "Did you ever have an abortion b/f ? " I said, "Why would I ?" I couldn't admit it to her. She's 14 btw.

I know that this is gonna haunt me for a long, long time, (if not for my entire lifetime if I can't accept it, which I cannot) are there any other girls out there who know where I'm coming fr ? Have you been able to forgive yourself ? Do you have kids ? Was that the first child ? I'm expecting that if I can EVER forgive myself for doing this (if there is such a thing, cuz I feel very guilty & have been ever since right after the surgery), that it'll take a good 20 yrs... if not longer. Is it POSSIBLE to not feel guilty after x amount of yrs ? Cuz this feeling is really killing me inside !!! :( I've taked to a counselor @ my work one bout it.. but I know that I needa talk bout it some more. BUT, b/f I can talk bout THIS some more, I needa talk bout my self-esteem issues & confidence, self-motivation & stuff like that to start to feel good bout myself. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life & this is by far the biggest one. I wish I'd gone to this pregnancy crisis centre b/f I went for

the op in the city... (4 hr bus ride)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I DIDN'T go on bc cuz my bf said that I'd gain a ton of weight. I guess I was afraid of him pretty much :( & the WORST part is... that after the procedure, when we got back to where he was staying (he invited me to stay w/ him for the wk'd) that he didn't really care all that much that I went on depo !!! :'( I went to his room & a few min later called him to the bedroom & he's like, "You called me here to tell me THAT?" :( *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* But, that wk'd I also planned to break up w/ him. Turns out I went home but we didn't talk on the phone as much. He "didn't let me know" that it was over like he said he would... :@

SO, to all girls, do NOT let a guy tell you what to do or NOT to do w/ your body !!! I learned the hard way :( Oh yeah, & he also had anger probs... so it was kinda like stepping on egg shells when we'd talk... He even got mad cuz he called a cooking utensil a name & I told him that it wasn't call that. He got P.O'd !!!

I've been on depo ever since that day. Cept for one time but w/ my last ex I used it as an excuse NOT to have sex... So, every time I have sex NOW, I'm on depo provera (needle every 3 mos) + a condom every time, even tho it was a monogomous rel. I learned the hard way & so now I have to pay the price of being guilty for possibly the rest of my days.... :(

Answer 1

I don't personally believe in abortion unless it is for very limited and specific medical reasons. However what is done is done. You can not take it back now and what you need to ask yourself is what will the effects be if I tell my mother and father. Will it help them in any way or will it just hurt them. Will it help me or will it hurt me? You may feel some small relief but will the fact that your whole family may know about it cause you more distress?

I personally don't think telling them will help you get over this. regret and hurt it is just a conciquence from the decision you made. Some things hurt deep enough that it takes a lot to get over them. Do you think that you will never think of it again, or it will never hurt again if you tell your family? I doubt it. If you feel that you need to talk to someone I suggest that you seek counciling or talk about it more with your very best friend. I know you already told her but if you need to talk to her about the hurt its ok. Thats what friends are for. I think telling your family will only hurt them and cause you humiliation. I don't suggest it.

You obviously have regret, but you can not change it now. If you need to feel better about yourself, you can try feeding poor people in a soup kitchen or volunteering at a children's hospital. Doing good things for other people who have less than you is the best way to regain self worth. It will also help you grow mentally and spiritually.

Lastly, I want to address another important topic from your letter. You say you are not ready for children, and I doubt that you will stop having sex though it seems the best choice. I know you said the condom broke before but there are other ways to avoid becoming pregnant. Try protecting yourself better next time. Use birth controll and condoms. If one fails you will have a back up. Please don't be careless in your choices excpecially where another life is concerned. Wheather that life be inside of you or any other human being on earth.

The best of luck in all your life decisions.

Answer 2

I know this is hard for you and while I do not understand, (i am against abortion) I want you to know you have to tell them, it may not be as bad as you think. Maybe you need to go back home if that is an option and stay away from the boys. I know that sounds bad but if you have admitted that you cannot take care of yourself then a man is the last thing you need. and this could happen again. I will pray for you and if you ask God for forgivness, he will give it to you. I can tell you are regretful. I hope you are doing ok and do better, keep your head up and get your priorities in order.
God Bless

and to Pixiee what ever your name is, why in the heck would you think it is okay to have an abortion, because twice you were irresponible and couldn't fess up to it. LIKE SOMEONE ELSE ON HERE SAID, DON'T HAVE SEX IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE POSSIBILITIES. how could you kill a baby then twice and then have a 3 year old and not feel bad about the other 2? what is wrong with you. I am a mother and my maternal instincts kick in when I see any baby and it does not even have to be mine. I do not understand people like you.

Answer 3

Most of those questions none of us can answer. I've known some families who would force someone to have an abortion, and some who would try to prevent it from happening at all costs. That is really a personal issue. And a guy who doesn't tell when a condom broke is really a *******.

Anyway, personal issues aside, children will all feel different if they were to find out that their mother had an abortion before them. Usually it's best not to talk to them about it and make sure no one else does until they've grown old enough to understand such things. Though by then they will have their own opinions, and none of us can predict those.

I will say that if she has a D&C (usually done in incomplete chemical abortions or late abortions, as well as incomplete miscarriages) then she could have some uterine scarring. These should always be noted in case infertility problems come up, as they will have to be discussed with the OB/GYN or the fertility specialist. Also always be aware of the symptoms of infection from an abortion. These are very rare complications, but could cause permenant infertility if not caught early.

Answer 4

If this is you that you are talking about. And you dont think that you are ready to take care of another life. Please please, i beg you not to put it up for abortion. It is just killing a helpless baby. It isnt the babys fault that you had sex and the condom broke so dont punish the baby. If you are not ready, there are plenty of people in this world that do not have the gift in making a baby. I say you should go with the pregnancy and then give it up for adobtion. Like i said there are thousands of people that can not have babys. You can turn this into a good thing, instead of a horrible thing. Also sit down and talk with you family. They may flip out but they will get over it. Just do the right there. Good Luck

Answer 5

it is no one else business what u do with your body. if the girl is not ready for a child then she shouldnt have one. there is nothing wrong with abortion if the girl is not capable of raising the baby or if she just chooses not to have it. as for telling the parents...why?? it none of their business...do not let anyone else dictate what to do with womens bodies!!!! secrets can be kept.
the long term effect of having an unwanted child are far more damaging then a simple operation. tell her to get on the pill FAST. keep the parents out of it. and by the way abortion is a totally safe procedure and will not in most cases affect future pregnancies. im not telling u to have an abortion but i feel it was the best option for me

Answer 6

There's no such thing as a good secret. It will effect anyone and everything whether you realize it or not. If your family is supportive, i am sure they will support you no matter what you would decide. If you don't tell, there will be some hurt feelings. Something like this should be shared at the least with your parents. Everyone makes mistakes, its what you do with those mistakes that corrects them and teaches the lesson. Life wouldn't be complete if you didnt make mistakes

Answer 7

First, take a breath, I can sense the stress in your typing. You have many options. My opinion first is to consider adoption. Many people would love to have a child and can't. Second, I would consider counseling about the abortion. Many women face life-long trauma after having the procedure done. So like I said, take a breath and think this through logically. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Answer 8

Well, I mean, as long as the family doesn't know about it, there's no chance they will look down on her.

But, keeping a secret that big for that long could eat at a person forever. If you want to get an abortion, do it while it's still early in the pregnancy.

But, tell your family and let the chips fall where they may. Don't keep it bottled up

Answer 9

THE QUESTION SEEMS PRETTY CASUAL??? like getting prego... is no big thing and and abortion is just a way to get rid of the lil prob... I say even if the guy never told the girl the condom broke... SHE SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX UNTIL SHE IS READY FOR CHILDREN !!! I think the girl should grow up and take responsibility for her actions. there are plenty who would love to adopt as this girl sounds way too imature to raise a child. she should also get an education because as most people know abortion is not birthcontrol!

Answer 10

These kind of secrets hurt everyone involved. You would always regret having to bear this alone and someone would find out eventually anyway. The truth will set you free and make you a better person. Just because you make one bad choice does not mean you have to make another. If you have kids later you would always have a sense of regret at the child you never knew.