If you are truly going to forgive then why is forgetting so hard?

Question

I was always told to forgive and forget. You aren't supposed to keep score. I will make mistakes but so will you, don't you want someone to do the same for you?

Answer 1

You don't fogive and forget. You hold the person accountable for there actions and see to it that they don't do it again. If it keeps happening, you should reconsider forgiving without being asked for it truthfully.

Answer 2

Actually, forgetting is pretty darned near impossible. Almost all of what experts know about the human brain has been learned in the last 20 years; however, memory will always stump the experts. You really can't control what your brain does. Amazing, don't you agree?

Remembering someone's wrongdoing isn't about keeping score. It is more like a defense mechanism. When it comes to relationships--romantic and platonic--we are hurt when we are wronged. Every time that person commits the same act against us, we hurt more and more until we reach a breaking point. If we simply forgot such transgressions, that person would just keep commiting the same deed, and we would forgive that person because we wouldn't remember that it already happened. Bad deeds can become bad habits; for example, cheating on a loved one is hard the first time, but gets easier each time thereafter.

I believe that what is actually meant by "forgive and forget" is when you and someone you love get into an argument, don't bring up past transgressions, especially when they have nothing to do with the current argument.

Answer 3

Forgiveness breaks the bond holding you to someone else in a negative way. What forgiveness does not do is change things back to that state of affairs which existed before the offense took place. You may forgive someone for causing your leg to require amputation; but, no matter how you might try, it is impossible to forget that you now are one-legged. An injury may heal; but, few heal without scarring. The notion intended by the inference to 'forget' is that of minimizing the deleterious effects of the injury by keeping it from becoming an obsessive, malicious, hateful, vindictive focus; and then, moving forward with the best of things as can be achieved. There may not be a way to forget; but, there is life after injury--- and it doesn't have to include a grudge, or forgiveness never existed.

Answer 4

Forgetting is hard, because we are basically self-centered creatures at heart. Even those who do things from the most altruistic of motives are serving some purpose for themselves.

Why this relates? Well, the forgive part you do for you. Holding on to the pain of what someone else has done to you only hurts you, although it appears you are doing it for the other person. Forgetting, however, is truly done for the other person's sake, and does nothing for your benefit (in fact, it could possibly set you up for a future dissapointment), so it is not as easy.

I think it's the worst cliche in the world, frankly. Forgive and move on would be more workable, but it's just not as catchy, I guess.

P.S.....I wrote that last sentence before seeing HemlockLemonade's post....bread and butter!

Answer 5

I believe you should always forgive, but never forget.

But I think when most people "forgive but don't forget," they actually haven't forgiven the person. I think it's the hardest to completely forgive someone when you're still paying the price for what they did to you, every day of your life. To completely let go of all ill will toward someone who killed somebody you love, for example, is easier said than done, when the sadness from the loss never gives you a break. But possible, nonetheless.

Remembering as opposed to forgetting, I think, just amounts to learning the lessons you needed to learn. No matter how badly anyone may have wronged you in a given instance, there may be something you could have done differently yourself. Or maybe not. But there's always something to learn from the experience, no matter what. You'd be unfortunate to go through something difficult or painful, and fail to learn anything from it.

You can't erase the memories of the past. But you can let go of the pain from the past.

Answer 6

U forgive because everyone makes mistakes and u cant hold grudges or feelings,but its hard to forget because deep down inside u really dont want to forget anyone.

Answer 7

i have heard a saying that goes something like this... why forgive and forget, just to relive and regret..... i think we should just take what we have learned, whether it be from a bad situation or not, and apply it to the rest of our lives. I dont think we forget. But we shouldnt dwell on the problem. when u get knocked down, just get up as soon as you can. life is full of ups and downs. the hard times arent what makes us who we are. what makes us "us" is how we respond to the hard times. as far as forgving, just simply love. a verse goes something like this.... love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. love overcomes all obstacles.

Answer 8

I think of it more as forgiving and moving on. You can't erase a memory, and sometimes you do forget as time goes on or rather it's supressed and you simply don't think of it anymore.

Answer 9

Because your not suppose to forget how will you learn the next time and be strong about it.

Answer 10

Because you hate the sin and remember the wound it gave but you love and forgive the sinner.