how to deal with a depressed dissrespectful 17yr old?

Question

About a Month ago my husband and I decided to let his younger sister move in with us to help us offset the cost of daycare so we Both could work and survive (daycare out here is about $600/mo full time flat rate) but having her here seems to be more stress then its worth she rarely comes out of her room she doesn’t help clean and when I cook dinner and call for her she waits until all of us are done and then comes down to eat and leaves all the stuff out she has a potty mouth and my 3 year old is walking around saying stuff that is not appropriate. She made plans about moving back home with her father 2 weeks after moving here one week after we took her to MI to see our family (her mother) and friends. Her friend is suppose to come get her on Saturday and she never bothered to tell us, we found out from looking at her myspace profile I seriously think that she never planned on telling us ever and was just going to run away, and now she is on her myspace talking about “nosey b****es need to stay outta my s***” and much worse I told my husband about it and that I think she was directing it twords me and he told me I am to nosey and need to mind my business and leave her alone he is the type that would just let her run away and not even sweat about where she is or what she is doing where I am caring and like to try to make people happy but nothing I do makes this girl happy I take her shopping cook foods she likes and let her move into my daughters room b/c it was bigger I even bought her paint to paint her room the color she wanted and let her paint over the custom design I did for my daughter. I don’t have any idea about what to do with her anymore and sure could use some ideas

her best friend is a 28 year old woman and her 7 year old daughter that live back where she moved from, i would like to think that this woman is guiding her but i dont think she is. my husband and her father are just alike they would rather warn her and let her live her life and learn her lesson the hard way. and because of this i look like the bad person when i try to "controle" her. her mother tries to help guide her but that is hard to do when she lives so far away she dont eventalk to her older sister or mother anymore b/c they try to guide her and give her bounderies. i want to help her but shes has been on her own her whole life relying on her friends to pay her way whenever they do anything (with the exception of her needs her father provided the basics when her friends didnt) now that shes with us she just sits in her room talking on the phone or on the computer she dont have her licence or a car or ever had a job.

Answer 1

Military school

Answer 2

Seems like your husband rules the roost around there. If you've got a disrespectful teenager in the house hold, then you and your husband need to sit down and have a talk. He needs to understand that you're doing everything you can to make her feel welcome and she's walking on top of you.. Your husband doesn't seem to understand that she is diserespectful and needs a reality check.
I don't know that I would use her for a babysitter either. Like you said, it's causing more harm than good. I would look into finding one cheaper, in the paper, or at a church. And see if you can get her to go elsewhere. I'd put my foot down, but that's just me. I don't take anyones crap. My daughter is 7 and I'll be damned if she acts that way. but I understand that you don't have much control over that, and you end up looking like the bad person if you say anything.

Definately sit down and talk to the husband. If you get no where with him, then honey, I don't know.. perhaps he's not what you thought he was. He should identify that this is an issue and you go out of your way.

I'm sorry that I couldn't have been more of help. but if this were my situation, I'd tell my husband he needs to put a check on the girl, and make her change her attitude because this is my house also and that she is not a good influence on my 3 year old. I just wouldn't have it.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, unless your husband is with you in trying to help his younger sister you are facing a major task on your own. She does sound depressed and it probably has to do with her own parents among other things. Maybe she would like a job outside of the house? Is she in college? What is her future being your live in sitter when the kids do not need a sitter anymore? She sounds lonely and depressed and insecure and maybe does not know what she wants to do with her life, only that she wants something! Although you have been nice to her, she may have things bottled up inside that she would like to change? Have you tried open communication? Perhaps it would be best for her to move back with her father. Her influence does not sound healthy for a 3 year old. You and your husband could try different shifts, or a home daycare situation or sometimes your local city will have resources of people looking to sit for others for a fee. Good Luck and I hope the 17 year old finds her way. :)

Answer 4

Yikes, I usually don't read questions this long, but for you I will.

First of all, don't take her disrespecting and her cussing personal. Her life is not that great if she needed to move in with you guys in the first place. She doesn't want to acknowledge the big favor you are doing for her cause then she'd owe you.

Don't try to hard to appease her, that will make it worse. Then she will learn that no matter how bad she is you will still do your best for her.

It's gotten off on the wrong foot, it can't be salvaged. She has to go. She's only making your lives worse.

600 bucks a month is a lot though. I can't think of anything you can use to reign her in. I don't really believe bribing people to behave is a good answer. You can take away whatever car privilages she has. Take it away one weekend, and tell her she can have it next weekend if she makes an effort to be more civil.

One time my dad took my sisters door off her bedroom. Do you think that would help?

Answer 5

She may be depressed over the breakup of her parents and dealing with a lot of anger about it. That's what it sounds like to me. She may feel as though her parents are so absorbed in their problems that they have ignored hers.

I felt that way as a teenager. Sounds like she needs a mentor if her parents won't be there for her. An older woman who will be motherly and nurturing. Why not get her involved in cooking with you? Let her add some of her own creativity. It could give her a boost of confidence. It may turn into a very creatvie outlet for her.

Answer 6

I'm not that surprised that she is bucking at you... Sounds like you the only one who is treating this kid the way she is supposed to be treated.... I'm curious as to how this 17 y/o came to be living at your house.... I hear 17 and think of a kid at home w/ their parents and in high school. Is this a typical case of being 17 and knowing it all... you know 17... that is when we all viewed our parents as dumb @sses... Well, you are a parent figure!

Answer 7

XXXXXXXXXXX what a nightmare. The girl has emotional problems, something you don't need in your home with your kid. Let her go. In face, open the door for her when she's ready to leave. Even if she's not, I'd boot her out. Good luck to you and your family. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 8

Have you tried talking to her and seeing why she is so mad at the world, Maybe she needs to go to dr and get some meds for depression. Or there maybe something she is not telling someone and needs to talk about it.

Answer 9

Master Yoda Says: too hard you try. saintly you are, but appreciated you are not. continue to help the misled child, but be mindful and protective of your family. grow up should you tell your husband, he should be handling this.

Answer 10

i'd do her