About a month ago, I came out as a lesbian to my best friend of 12 years. She was accepting at the time, but she seems to be trying to convert me. She keeps saying things like "Unless you really ARE gay..." and trying to hook me up with guys. I don't think that her actions are necessarily based on her belief that homosexual actions are wrong, but she seems like she doesn't even believe me. Is this just a part of the process (a la Dr. Kubler-Ross), or is something else going on?
2006-07-20 16:24:45 · 14 answers · asked by Rat 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
When I came out to my best friend of 10 years she was totally cool with it. We had lots of gay mutual friends and she was always accepting of everyone. However, when I started dating one of our friends, she started saying things like, you dont look gay, you never acted gay until now, etc...I think because we were friends for so long, she expected that I should have told her long before I did. As we know, coming out isn't easy, no matter who you're telling. She probably thinks because you've been friends for so long, she should have known or you should have told her sooner. I am sure she will accept you for who you are. Just as it probably took you a while to accept who you are, it will take time for her too.
2006-07-20 16:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by geminii2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get an abortion quickly! you do not want a baby from a guy like this no matter if he's interior the youngster's existence or no longer you'd be connected to him one way or yet another for some thing else of your existence! do no longer make the toddler come into this international in this style of undesirable challenge. the youngster desires both a father and a mom. seem at each and every of the topic matters interior the international at present. in case you may have a baby... do it actual or do not do it in any respect! Get your self out of this difficulty earlier it ruins your total existence. you're too youthful for this. when you abortion, get smart, and start up utilising birth control until eventually you meet the right guy. some thing like this lower back and also you'll write your existence off. Do it for your self besides as for the toddler.
2016-11-24 23:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it's denial. Did you ever watch the L Word. There is an episode there where Dana comes out to her parents and straight away her mum sets her up with a friend's son. It was denial in that case and I think it's the same for this one.
She may also feel threatened. Not because she's a girl though. She may feel as though she's going to be left out. I mean who is going to perv on blokes with her etc. It's just something that she needs to deal with in her own time.
2006-07-20 17:52:32 · answer #3 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want you to be mistaken and she thinks she has your best interests in mind, so I would say she's just in denial. Give her time to get over it, since she's probably going over in her head signs that you were a lesbian that she missed, or trying to rationalize that you're not really a lesbian because you haven't met the right guy. It's a way a lot of people cope with a bombshell.
2006-07-20 19:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jesse O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, sounds like denial. She may think that this is just another in a series of things you've done to stand out in a crowd, and feels so sure that if she finds the right guy, you'll drop the act. But it's not an act, maybe you need to introduce her to your next lover.
2006-07-20 23:41:41 · answer #5 · answered by michael941260 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be careful in how you handle this situation. Just tell her you don't want to date men anymore or be set up by her with them. Part of this maybe not denial as much as she is feeling uncomfortable with your sexuality. She feels she isnt relating to you anymore or that you may in fact want something more from her. So those dates maybe her trying to place safe barriers between you both. She may think now you are openly admitting you are lesbian that you have designs on her.
It maybe she is very aware of your sexuality and maybe questioning your friendship and her feelings for you. I don't mean she is gay, but if she loves you as a friend she maybe questioning the definition of it. You need to sit down with her and explain quite clearly how important your friendship is with her and why and that nothing has changed in that relationship for you.
She maybe confused as to how to deal with this and the only one who can clarify it for her clearly is you.
I suspect it has very little to do with denial for her as much as her definition of your friendship. Draw her out on the subject when you two are alone and find out, don't get angry or frustrated, simply be patient with her. The comfort zone you two have shared as best friends, has been badly shaken for her.
2006-07-20 20:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by Wendy D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think even though she is trying to be understanding and accepting she is having a hard time with it and does not want to tell you that directly. Perhaps the best thing would be to take her out for coffee and have a talk with her and ask her why she is so uncomfortable since she can't seem to be the one to initiate that conversation.
2006-07-20 16:28:34 · answer #7 · answered by genaddt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like denial and possibly hurt feeling on her part. She may feel as if you kept something from her. It might help to sit her down and let her know why you are telling her now (ex: were not ready to discuss it, did not know yourself). Explain to her that you care about her and you need her support and respect in being able to be the person you are. Good luck.
2006-07-20 16:47:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's totally in denial. 12 years is a long time to think your best friend is straight...it might actually take a long time for your friend to accept that you really ARE gay.... ya know?
2006-07-20 17:13:55 · answer #9 · answered by Big Perm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely denial. I think you're going to have to put o the "strap on" to let her know that you mean business.
2006-07-20 16:30:23 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋