however,the person I'm with, has no job, no family, and no money and she's has blamed me for her situation,because I cheated on her three years ago and didn't tell her that, so the guy she was living with kicked her out. I have told her the last three years she needs to get over it and move on, but she refuses. She wants me to pay for her to move into a new apartment/house, pay her rent until she finds a job, by her a car and pay her bills. Am I wrong for saying she needs to get over it? My family thinks I should just up and leave her, and I would, but I'm attached to her dogs. I try to help her with her resume etc, but she feels since she hasn't work in so long no one will give her a chance. Compounding the situation, she lost her green card. There is no love in the relationship and a lot of hate and anger. We have fought, physically. I'm trying not to leave her out in the cold, but unless she decides to do something for herself I might not have a choice. I'm in NYC. Help!
2006-07-20 16:16:59 · 7 answers · asked by greyts17 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm very sorry, but the only way for you to get out of this is to leave immediately. She is not going to change and you are the "enabler" that's helping her to remain the same.
I'm a pet lover, but attachment to dogs is no reason to stay in a bad relationship with absolutely no future. Do you want to be in the same position ten years from now because of the dogs?
You are also not obligated in any way, shape, or form to provide her with moving expenses, rent, buying her a car, or bills. Give her a deadline to be out of your place. If she's not gone, change the locks and put her things out. (It would actually probably be better if you could move. Is that possible?) If you want, give her some cash and be done with it.
I know this sounds harsh, but she is not going to make one move unless she is forced to do so. She will continue to blame you and will keep holding you back from living a normal, happy life. The choice is yours and yours alone. I wish you all the best.
2006-07-20 16:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by stseukn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I feel if she is a women who feels everyone owes her something. Which really no one does, She owes it to her self to be a women and stand on her on two feet. We all feel as if we need to help those in need. But you have done more then just help her. You have gone past your dutie. Just tell her you are done and that she can eather get with it or leave. Beleave me she can and will find someone else or some place. You need to think about yourself and your life now cause it is the only one you have left.
2006-07-20 23:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to start right now making changes for herself and future. You have told her she needs to get over it and get on with her life. In this situation, i would give her a specific date she must move out and get on her own. Tell her you are not going to be responsible for her after that. Stick to your guns. You certainly don't want to live another three years with this same issue, now do you?
2006-07-20 23:22:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a complicated situation. Start with taking care of yourself. Help her find some helpful new friends. She has to want to help herself first.
2006-07-20 23:28:58 · answer #4 · answered by Dianne T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Master Yoda Says: Save the world, you cannot. Start with yourself, save others you cannot if yourself you are lost.
2006-07-20 23:21:37 · answer #5 · answered by BigDaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have the word SUCKER written on you . walk out turn right and keep going.you use the dogs as an excuse come on ..
2006-07-20 23:40:54 · answer #6 · answered by coolray44 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave.
2006-07-21 06:03:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋