says she was drunk passed out and he took it, they had never met each other before since he lived in another state. she has no contact with him since this happened.
2006-07-20 15:15:25 · 29 answers · asked by turbopeach42701 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sugar, that doesn't sound like "cousin sex" that sounds more like sexual abuse! Or if you think about it...date rape, but of a family member (incest!).
Is she a compulsive liar, or can you rely on things being as she tells you?
If she is telling you the truth, and you are acting like a jerk, then it's like being violated ALL over again, by this "cousin" (rapist/abuser). Incest forced, coerced or otherwise is not necessarily HER fault! She may have told you this hoping that she would find some comfort for her troubled heart, and you are turning a stone ear to her? Consider that her version of events are truthful to the best of her knowledge, and maybe punch her predator cousin in the head and definitely don't let him have access to your young children! Don't you know that some families (for whatever reason likely their own childhood abuse)...could cause them to abuse other young victims within the same family?
Unless she lies all the time just for the hell of it, (in which case you should probably leave her). Then this is a crisis and you have handled things badly so far (in my opinion...if she is telling the truth of the circumstances of this incident), why not try to get some counselling if you find that you cannot accept her version of things, and help her to get over this event! She could not be just giving you a lame explanation but trying to tell you about something that she has carried the guilt for way too long!
Do you love this woman, I would go for help...minister, marriage counselor, psychiatrist? Do you have children that may be vulnerable to abuse? Perhaps she is hoping to stop her own children from being victimized too?
2006-07-20 16:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by ruthie_msw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to your wife.
It is hard for you to look at her the same because you cherish her so much. I believe when a person is in love they want to think that person belongs only to them, and they are perfect.
Knowing that someone has been casually intimate whether it was consensual or not tarnishes that virtuous image in your mind of your wife.
Give your wife a big hug and tell her you love her. Let her know how it hurts you to know someone treated her this way, and that you appreciate her courage for being able to confide in you about this.
Many women fear being judged so they keep secrets like this to themselves. It makes me sad to think about how long she must have kept this secret before sharing it with someone she trusts.
Please don't hold this against your wife, the cousin is the creep not her.
If you believe in praying do that to help you overcome your feelings about this. Or maybe seek the services of a therapist.
I wish you both the best.
2006-07-20 15:48:02 · answer #2 · answered by anosey1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife did not have sex with her cousin; she was raped by her cousin. It must be hell on her to have to live with this. She trusted you enough to tell you in what sounds like a cry for help. You need to be supportive.
I would suggest that you both get counseling. I am very sorry this has happened to both of you. Don't ruin an otherwise good marriage over something she that was absolutely not her fault. Good luck.
2006-07-20 15:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you; it's creepy and disgusting to hear what she did. But, forgive her, doesn't mean you have to forget, but at least she was honest with you. I mean, it's not like she cheated on you with him-cuz then you'd definitely have to disown her. Oh, and anybody that claims that it's not her fault because she got drunk, guess again! Yeah, it's her fault as well, she knows what can happen if alcohol and boys mix, so don't bring up that bull shiit excuse. I am so sick and tired of having men look like rapist pigs, when the women also had something to do with the execution of it. Funny how one has to blame the damn alcohol in order to look like the victim, when in reality-they are the guilty, no one told her to get drunk, she could of been responsible about it.
2006-07-20 15:19:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Forgive her she messed up but you made a promises and keeping that promise means learning to forgive
after that
why did you marry her in the first place? You are so focused on one massive mistake that happened when you didn't even know her that is not who she is
who is she? to you look at the parts of her that you love the pieces of her that drove you to the alter
and if your not willing to forgive and love unconditionally why are you making promise to do so?
2006-07-20 15:29:34 · answer #5 · answered by Star 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it would be hard to accept, have strength in the fact that she revealed this to you and trusts you and felt you were able to help handle this. She could have kept this from you instead she felt comfortable enough to open up. It must be hard for her to, talk about your feelings with her i'm sure she will have feelings she is keeping inside as well.
2006-07-20 15:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by Midwest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you not know this before you married her? it's not the end of the world, she didn't end up having his baby right? I don't understand the details though, like if you knew, and you still married her that is YOUR fault. YOU have to get over it. If she just told you after you were married, why the hell would she do that? crazies.
2006-07-20 15:19:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have ruined it with that one. She should have kept that to herself and took it to the grave. That's extremely disrespectful to oneself. I have cousin who wants to do me so bad that I can't even talk to him without cutting the conversation short.. She knew what she was doing. Even when you're drunk you have some bearings on what's going on around you. She wanted it.
2006-07-20 15:22:31 · answer #8 · answered by cami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to find someway to forgive or move on. if you don't your marriage won't work out. all you will see if that other person in your way. if you love your wife you will work it out some how. the sooner the better. the longer you Waite it will get worse. for the both of you. good luck.
2006-07-20 15:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was passed out then he raped her, she didn't "have sex" with him consentually. So, with that in mind you shouldn't be looking at her any different, because it wasn't her fault.
If for whatever reason you still are having issues with understanding she was raped and is a victim then you should get into counseling.
2006-07-20 15:19:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋