Although I'm pretty sure it's obvoius I'm gay... I don't know why it came to a suprise...especially since it was AFTER my friend found my gay bear porn stash...anyways.
I'm kind've worried that if I come out to them, they'll be ignorant and treat me entirely different, when I don't even think of them in the sexual way at ******* all!
I don't even like shopping, lmao, so it's no good to stereotype!
What should I do? Some advice or anything?
2006-07-20 14:52:41 · 27 answers · asked by Adam G 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It may sound trite, but true friends accept you as you are. It's better for you to know if your friends are true friends, or conditional friends. And NO ONE needs conditional friends.
I am speaking from personal experience here, so I won't lie to you. Coming out isn't easy. People are going to react in all sorts of unpredictable ways, both good and bad. And it's a process you NEVER finish. For the rest of your life, every time you meet someone new who starts to become important to you, you will have to decide whether or not to come out to that person.
But there is good news in all this. You, my friend, have an EXCELLENT screening device for quality friends, and it's built right in!
It is only when we are at our worst, our most vulnerable, that we find out what sort of stuff our friends are made of.
When you get your heart broken, or you have a serious problem at work, or a family member is very ill... can you turn to your friend for comfort and refuge? If so, your friend is a true friend.
And this is one of those vulnerable moments in life: coming out. If you come out to someone you believe is your friend, and they decide not to be your friend as a result of that, you have just identified a shallow, superficial person at best, or a closet homophobe at worst.
And really, do you want to have that sort of person as a friend? If that person can let you down when all you have done is admit who you are, can you really count on them when times are REALLY tough? And would you even want to? In my experience, probably not.
But if your friend sits down with you to talk about it seriously, or makes a friendly joke, or offers to fix you up with his cousin... or just gives you a smile and a hug, odds are, you have a true friend there.
So, yes, your circle of friends will probably change as a result of coming out. But the biggest and best change will be this: your REAL friendships will be strengthened, and your FAKE friends will disappear.
Sure, it may suck a little at first, but in the long run, isn't that a good thing?
I wish you the best of luck, and a very happy life full of real friends. :-)
2006-07-20 15:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Sooner or later you need to tell. But maybe you're real young.
Yes, they will treat you differently. Some will respect you because you took a stand. Some, no matter how gay-friendly they think they are, will have to start fighting negatives. Some might even have a secret you never guessed.
If they're really friends, they'll pass this test. If not ... you could pretend to be what you aren't for waaaay too long.
2006-07-21 05:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by Luis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are your friends, they won't change their attitude to you, just because you come out. I know I wouldn't, because a friend of mine came out, which was really a surprise. I didn't see it coming. Now, that was about three years ago, and I am proud to say our friendship has not changed at all. Actually, yes. It did. But for the better. Even more, I know we're never going to argue over a girl, which is quite an advantage in a friend.
So tell them, and if anyone walks away, they weren't your friends to begin with. You might lose one or two (though I hope you don't) but the ones that will stay with you will be better friends with you than ever.
2006-07-20 22:50:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing is that if a friend cannot accept you are who you are then they are not that great of a friend. Most of my friends knew I was gay before I came out so I think that helped them.
You just have to explain that you don't think of them in that way - they are your friends - not your lovers.
You don't have to be stereotypical. It doesn't matter - each one is different.
My advice is be honest with your friends and if they can't accept you or get over the fact that you are gay then maybe you should re examine your friendship
2006-07-20 22:09:11 · answer #4 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The facts: You come out and you will be a different person, you will no longer be that person who is hiding-that does not mean to scream out " I AM GAY" but you will be a freer person, if they Know and are your friends they will still be your friends but will treat you differently and may feel freer in asking questions about what you feel as a gay person, if they have a problem with it you may lose them as your friends, but with that you find out who your real friends are and you will meet new friends throughout life who will be your friend because of the real you. So come out and be free and know that it will be a struggle at first, but you will survive it.
2006-07-20 22:27:35 · answer #5 · answered by Wheels 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make a big deal of coming out, just do it. If they are your friends, they'll come around. You'll be surprised, the one who found your porn and maybe some of the others know already and they don't treat you differently, so just get with the program.
2006-07-20 23:00:46 · answer #6 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good luck. Im guessing since you are into bears then you are butch. Alot less people will think you are gay than what you think. I thought that it was obvious that I was gay before I came out but I blew my friends mind. I did lose all of my friends though. This doesnt happen to everyone but I just happened to be in a really bigoted circle of friends. They either hated me for coming out (the first one that I came out to thought that me coming out was me trying to hit on him) and the others were too afraid of getting shunned from the group if they remained my friend so I lost them all. On the other hand, you have to come out eventually and in time you will find better friends that will accept you for who you are.Maybe youll have better luck than me and at least one of your friends will stand up for you.
2006-07-20 21:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by stevepuff19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honesty is the best policy. i bet you wouldn't be happy being in the closet. life is a risk so why not try disclosing your real self to your family & friends. if they really love or care for you, they will understand and accept you for who you are. i'm a straight alpha guy but i have 2 gay friends who came out to me & my other buddies a few months ago. we still play sports and go out together. nothing changed much other than my 2 gay friends are now flirting with other guys while we straight guys continue to enjoy flirting with the ladies. good luck to you. cheers!
2006-07-21 04:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People have given you pretty good answers here, but to sum it up the best way possible without boring you to death,, if you loose them as a "friend" than they were not your "friends" to begin with. You'll see the people that have roots and hold there ground as a true friend or those leaves that wither, dry out and allow your friendship to die. (which u didn't need anyway)
2006-07-20 22:27:09 · answer #9 · answered by TayCe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were to come out to them and they were to not treat you the same way, then they aren't really true friends, at least in my opinion.
My best friend, who doesn't know that I'm bisexual, thinks I might be, but he doesn't really give a crap about my sexual preferences one way or another. To him and I, the only things that matter to us is gaming and being lazy at McDonalds. :D
2006-07-20 22:53:11 · answer #10 · answered by peddlersofdeth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋