i got a b/f & he's really controlling. We've been together for years. he's in therapy for his control issues. i want space, some time apart and he won't agree to it. i find myself thinking about other guys alot, guys that i know, but i have not done anything with them and i have no idea if they are even interested in me, so there's no flirting...am i just going crazy or is this normal?
2006-07-20 14:31:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have discussed the positives about a break, he won't do it. he got very angry and i won't push it again. he won't budge, but i can still make it work with him.
2006-07-20 14:45:35 · update #1
Darling, it does not matter if he doesn't agree. If you don't want to be with him, you don't have to. Why do you think that you need his permission to leave. Girl, you are in trouble. Anytime a boyfriend has got that kind of control over you, it spells trouble.
You want other guys because you need a better more secure man. I'm sure your guy has his good points but really, you are free to date whom you choose. Please take back control over your life. Remember this: if you let anyone else control your life, don't complain when it ends up somewhere that you don't want to be; you will be so unhappy and you will have allowed it to happen.
2006-07-20 14:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by truly 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not crazy! You want to leave the jerk that you're with but are afraid to.( I'm not being critical. I know the issue because I've been there too.). Your mind is trying to compensate by thinking of other guys. The only way to resolve the situation is to leave the jerk, no matter how hard it is to do this.
If you're living with him, get 1 or preferably 2 or 3 girlfriends to meet you somewhere and then go as a group to move your belongings to somewhere where you will be safe. If you don't live with him, so much the better. But you have to stop talking with him. He will only try to manipulate you and intimidate you! If he continues to harass you, you will have to get a restraining order to stop this.
I can not tell you how important it is for you to get away from this guy and have no further contact with him. If you don't, He will at some time become physically abusive (if he hasn't already) and you will really be in trouble then.
2006-07-20 21:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its normal to fantasize about other men, also being that your b/f is so controlling can lead u to look at the men around you in a different way. In my opinion it is probably best to talk to your man and try to resolve the issue with space and tell him the positive things that can result from taking a little time off and realizing what you both have. I think its great that you haven't cheated because it wouldn't be fair to lie to the person you love just to find out whats on the other side, because if the other side is not that great you may lose his trust and most likely hurt him.
2006-07-20 21:41:31 · answer #3 · answered by Janessa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking about other guys because you know there is something better for you out there. I think the thinking is normal, but the staying with a man who wants to control you which = that he has no respect for you is crazy. It's obvious you still have some self-esteem intact. Get away from a controller and find someone who will treat you with respect. It's never to late.
2006-07-20 21:43:36 · answer #4 · answered by ididntdoitthedogdid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must like the controlling thing...you stay with him. You need the counseling. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad...you really do. I think it's called "Co-dependency". YOu could no more leave him if you wanted to.
You're in for a lot of drama/trauma in your life if you don't get help and probably leave him. I hope you don't have kids yet.
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can. It also gives you a "bird's eye" view of a man's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck.
2006-07-20 21:48:59 · answer #5 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in that situation before, and it is hard to leave. But you need to leave him. It won't get any better. Guys like that are hard to get away from... especially if you live together. I agree with and have done what "Smartassawhip" suggested. I wish you the best.
2006-07-20 22:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by Kendra W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds you don't really want to leave, you like to be controlled but you are also a cheater or soon to be one.
if you want to leave and break up then there is no conditions of wether he agrees or not, you simply tell him that it is over, but since you wait for his permision then seems like you don't want to break up
then you think about other guys too, so you have fantasies of cheating on top of it
2006-07-20 22:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting your life with this guy and move on. It will be hard but you have to do it. Ask yourself....Do I want to stay with this guy the rest of my life day in and day out? Probably not
2006-07-20 21:37:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the dumb b|tch who is still with him. Let him loose and start over with someone new who isn't controlling. Someting tells me you like it though. S|ut!
2006-07-20 21:35:25 · answer #9 · answered by Chris from West LA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋