Here's the deal. Been with bf for 8 years. Two children. Breakdown in communication between us, and he cheated on me for FOUR years: four years with the same girl, and with other girls in between. We split for six months, I basically feel numb and dead towards him. I guess I still love him to a certain degree, but I really didnt want to go back, but I did. He begged and pleaded and cried for me to come back during the time we were seperated, yet during the separation, I go by the house one morning to find some chick in the bed. And she's different, he actually says she's a good person and I see that she actually is. He promised to change, I've been back home (very reluctantly) for a month now. We have good days and bad, but no major arguments yet. But I dont know if I can forgive or forget. Our relationship was long dead before she came into the picture, and he is still communicating with her. Anyways he still begs me to come back and I do, but do you guys think we can make it work?
2006-07-20 14:19:41 · 21 answers · asked by Nuni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are kidding, right? I don't think that this guy wants to make it work. If you are happy with your man sleeping and carrying on with other women the by all means, hang on to him.
He is not going to change. You can not make him change. What you see, is what you get. He is not going to stop cheating. He is still communicating with the girl. If he was going to change, he would have cut ties with her.
Stop being his fool; break free.
2006-07-20 14:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by truly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek some professional help if you think he is not still sleeping with her. If he was truly serious about your relationship he would be doing everything in his power to make you feel secure and trying to regain your trust. Which would mean he would NOT have any communication with the other woman.
How can you expect to make your relationship work when you only went back home because he PROMISED to change. You should have waited for him to change then went back home. You coming back home should not be a condition of him changing. That needs to be his choice.
I hope you are protecting your kids.
2006-07-20 15:05:38 · answer #2 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly what would poses a girl to have two babies with a man, and waste 8 years of her life. He does not care one little bit for you and why should he when you don't even respect yourself. (how could you even forgive him even one time???) He knows he can get away with anything and if he cries enough you will come back. You have done it in the past so he just figures you will do it in the future.. and you will until you grow up and get some self respect, some morals and move out. (Think of it this way is this the way, you would like your daughter to live her adult life like yours?)
2006-07-20 14:30:24 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have answered your own question by your words you have typed here. You have said you didn't want to go back, you feel numb and dead towards him and you don't know if you can forgive and forget. That's a recipe for disaster. Without forgiveness you have nothing. So sorry for you. Bless you.
2006-07-20 15:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up forgiveness...True Forgiveness is to not hold someones past against them. But forgiving someone doesn't mean you give someone the same opportunity to hurt you! Especially if he is still in contact with the one he cheated with...!! A marriage is two people working for the same goal!! Don't let having kids with someone make the decision for you.
2006-07-20 15:25:05 · answer #5 · answered by Dark Knight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok...been there...listen, you are cheating yourself out of a happy life. He is keeping himself very happy. Who is the big loser here? Why does he beg you to come back.? Because frankly, there is a since of security there for him,,,and which one of those other women would trust him enough to be with him in a committed relationship. Do you want you're children growing up thinking this is how a loving relationship should be...You are not doing them any favours by raising them is such an unloving and unstable enviroment. His isn't inlove with you, you're not inlove with him...bottom line. thats it, end of fairy tale...Sorry
2006-07-20 14:45:52 · answer #6 · answered by smt1967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"oh girl" move on. you don't need that stress, in your life, once a cheater always a cheater. if he got down on his knees and beg i would kick him right in the a hole really hard and send him packing. you wasted you life on" THAT". take your kids and go. their better out their. he will never change he is saying that. don;t bite that on. that's what they always said. when they cheat. on honey take me back, I'm sorry, i won't do it again, he fights with you so he can go back out. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. don't believe a word he said. GET SOME BACK BONE AND MOVE ON. TELL HIM TO KISS YOUR HAPPY A>>> AND GET OUT. AND DON'T LOOK BACK. YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF.
2006-07-20 14:40:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been way too patient. He was wanting you back and you found a girl in his bed??!!!?? Why and the hell is he still talking with her. You need to be strong for you and your kids, LEAVE HIM. When he tries to get you back, don't answer his calls, cut off all communication.
2006-07-20 14:34:26 · answer #8 · answered by Desiree S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh.. you know the answer to that... he knows he can suck you into coming back and you do.. they never really change..just get more sneaky about it..
I went threw 15 years of it during my first marriage.. and when he left he had a gf and he married her before the divorce was final..
that was 14 years ago and she divorced him two years ago.. both were on their third marriages...
Don't say for the "kids sake" the kids are more than likely sick of seeing you cry... and hearing the fights..
It is no good for anyone..
2006-07-20 14:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by Ibdreamin099 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yup, it will work a second time around with a cheater, he will work at cheating on you a second time around and it will take you another 4 years to finally wake up
2006-07-20 15:19:55 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋