Is porn Cheating? My husband constantly watches it and I don't like it.?

Question

This last episode was about two weeks after he promised not to watch porn intill I got pregnent (we are having a very hard time and I am on medication to help me become pregnent and I feel as if he is wasting good babies =) when he wackes off. )I am very willing to watch with him and I am more then intrested!)After a very long and dramatic discuission of my feeling toward him watching porn and sneaking around to do it which I think did bother me the most, he told me two very heart breaking things 1. that it is just so easy (I guess because it is so hard to have sex with me) and 2. that he might be more attracted to me if I lost 15lbs. The last one really hurt because the meds that I am on make me bloated and appear heaiver then I am by the way I am 5'6 and 130lbs (not bad after having 2 babies) It really hurts. I am hurt but glad that he has told me the truth finally. Now I am confused and dont know what to do ... any suggestions would be helpful

he is the one that suggested the third child... of course i was not opposed... I have even asked he wanted to wait a little longer before we have the third but he insists that he wants another...
I do work out i wake up at 4:30 every morning to run (before work and the kids get up) There is not much more time to do much else. As a family we are very active most activites that we do involve physical activity.

I have asked him to watch with me but he never answears me he blows it off... I think maybe he is embaressed that he does it and doesnt want me to know... Our sex life is great when it does happen... It always has been it just seems that for the past 8 months or so that it has been less and less we went from everyday to like twice a week and i think that it is the pron....

Answer 1

5'6", 130 lbs... and he thinks you need to lose 15??? OMG. I'm 5'7", and if I weigh any less than 145 lbs, I look sickly. Hubby says my a** gets too narrow. :) For the love of God, women are not supposed to look like sticks. They're supposed to have lumps and bumps. They're supposed to be rounder than men and softer. Women naturally have a higher percentage of body fat than men. 5'6" and 130 lbs is normal! It's height-weight proportionate.

If I were you, I'd be pissed off. Your husband is extremely naiive if he thinks that the airbrushed pictures he sees of women who have nothing better to do with their time than live in the gym and get bikini waxing are actually real. Does he believe in the Easter Bunny, too? If this is his expectation, then it will be the first time I have ever agreed with the puritans that porn has warped his mind. I agree that jerking off to porn is "easy to do", but if it's interfering with your relationship, he needs to stop.

My greater concern (well, aside from the unrealistic expectations of the female body) is that he is still being sneaky when you have told him flat out that he doesn't need to sneak around. You don't mind him looking at porn, and it's something that interests you, but he does not want to include you. This is something that I'd keep a very close eye on if I were you. He's pushing you away, and you can't build a marriage on that, no matter how much you want it to work. Both people have to work at it; it doesn't work when one has no interest in making things work.

To be perfectly honest, he sounds like a bit of a shallow jerk to me. I don't know him, but I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he doesn't respect you very much, or that he is narcissistic and self-centred. Very selfish.

You're going to have to draw a line in the sand, hon. Tell him once again that you have a serious problem with his preoccupation with porn - or more to the point, with his LACK of preoccupation with you - and are hurt that he is disincluding you from his sexuality. If he can't respect that you have needs that are not being met, and he is choosing himself over you, then you must make it clear that you cannot remain in the relationship. Plain and simple. If it's not a real, mature, serious adult relationship, you don't want it. And an adult relationship is where two people put their selfishness and pettiness aside for the sake of the other person. He's obviously not doing this. If he really wants to remain in the relationship with you, let him know you'll see a counsellor with him (be sure to find one that is not against porn, because, as you said, it's not the nekkid pictures that bother you so much as his attitude towards them).

Best of luck to you both.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You know.. I don't even think that he truly meant what he said. In my experience, men (watch out - wild generalisation) aren't really all that much into intense discussions, especially not when they're the focus. I think he might have just wanted to end the conversation and say something, anything, to stop the discussion and the quick and dirty way to do it is to say something hurtful. Hence, you're stuck with the problem and he can continue business as usual.

I honestly wouldn't take him serious about what he said. It's just bla bla to get you off his back. If you don't mind watching the porno with him, then watch it. He may just want a quick fix when he gets the itch and not wait until the kids are in bed or go through a long drawn out foreplay or whatever your routine is there.
I suppose the reason why he didn't tell you was because he didn't want to talk about it (as you noticed by his remarks) and didn't want to upset you. I don't think it's an indication that he doesn't care. I think you worry too much. Like a kid, he's probably going to grow out of it. Give it some time and see how things progress and relax.

Answer 4

Problem #1: The porn and masturbation

Many people watch porn and masturbate because it has no emotional strings attached. It is easy because you don't have to care what the other person is thinking, it is on demand, it is never too tired or pissed or moody, it always works, and it relieves stress. My marriage almost ended over this because it took me 8 years to realize: a. it isn't personal b. the thing that bothered me the most was the sneaking it and lying about it. Realize that almost everyone does it, it is private, and, most importantly, has nothing to do with your sex life with anyone else. Also, masturbation can actually help sperm productivity, as stated by my ob/gyn helping me to overcome my own infertility.

Problem #2: Your self esteem

It is in the toilet right now. You feel tired and run down. He is wacking off while you are trying to lose 15 pounds. It isn't about his feelings toward you. It is about how you feel about yourself. Do you take care of yourself? Do you dress the way you did prior to children? Do you think back to a time when you felt great about yourself and your husband? If so, take a hard look at what has changed. He is probably not wacking off anymore now than before. You just didn't care before because you were secure in your ability to please him. Look inside for the answers. He doesn't have them.

Answer 5

I do not agree with porns but.......if by him watching and doing in the privacy of his home, during a time when he cannot do with you, is it not better than him going out and doing to ......or with....

We get distorted in shape, bursting all over, do not exercise or eat as healthily as we ought. Then our husbands one day realizes he is no longer with the woman he married and we wonder why they seek satisfaction elsewhere.

If he no longer likes you/your shape because of medication you are taking, then he is being selfish and spiteful and you should tell him just that.
Have a serious talk with your husband. There may be other issues to surface. He is only a man. Do not, and I repeat, do not presume/assume the thinking of a man. You are a woman and will always have views pertaining to a woman so we cannot assume anything with a man. We have to be 'specific' when dealing with a man. We women have certain telepathic instinct by simple gestures we understand each other. Eventhough we are from different cultures.
My husband and I do our serious discussions on Saturdays. That is our day. Good luck.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong of him watching porn as this may be his habit and interest. As long he did not cheat you behind you, you should feel thankful coz most of the husbands are straying outside.

Now, what I can suggest that you should take initiative to slimmer down and watch your diet. Remember when a wife has given birth, it is naturally for husband to think stray and wanted his wife to be attrative again after being birth. My husband also did the same but he just remain silent and I took inititiative to join fitness workout and finally got back my slim figure.

Another thing you should also try to improve is get more muscles exercise at pelvic as this will help to tighten your vaginal which will lead your sex marriage with husband. Get consult from yoga instructor and they will advise you further. If you feel shy, perhaps you can consult your gynae if you feel comfortable.

Answer 7

While it might not be cheating, porn can be very degradating to women and it can change your husband's attitude toward sex at this point. Is he wasting babies? No need to worry about that. Men recover quickly. I'm glad he is discussing it with you.

On the weight issue, he will come around. Some of us guys don't think when we open our mouth on that issue (especially when you are pregnant).

Things sound like they are going to be all right. Let's face it. . . it's challenging for both of you right now, but the new child is worth it.

Answer 8

YOUR MAN IS A LOSER!!!!!! these are warning signs.. you have had children and only weight 130lbs? Why would you want to have another baby with this scum bag? Does he have six-pack abs and giant biceps.. probably NOT! I'm sorry for insulting your husband but let me let you in on a secret- if he hides porn and says your not good enough.. he is hiding other things too!!! I'm not saying hes a cheater but he is definitely a prime candidate to be one! Porn is not cheating but when it becomes an obsession that he hides from you- it is a betrayal! Good luck running on that treadmill for the rest of your life while your man is in the other room whacking off to pics of other girls!!!!!

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with a little porn, but if it's more than normal then there might be something wrong. Not necessarily cheating, but there might be an addiction. I think it's rude what he has told you and even more rude that he said he wouldn't watch it and did anyway. Maybe try going to a councilor since you've already tried talking to him about it and that didn't seem to work.

Answer 10

Yeah don't have anymore kids with him!!! He has some issues. My ex husband had a HUGE problem with porn and it just got bigger and bigger. I would say that he has to do something with his problem. Plus if your only 130lbs then he has some issues hell you are his wife and he should love you for you!! You are the mother of his childern. So I would say before you go off getting pregnant be sure you really should have more kids with this guy. Sounds like you guys have some issues before you go ahead and add another child onto it. Also are you sure he wants another one?