We had a DNA test done and the child is his! I just don't know how to deal with being a stepmom and having...

Question

a trashy female to deal with she has no self respect lord only knows how she is raising that child and I don't even know if I wanna be in his life I am just so confused!!1

Answer 1

It's real easy treat the child as you would want some one treating your your child if you where gone. And let him worry about the rest if he doesn't think she is doing right by his child then that's his promble. Just chill out don't let another woman dictate your relationship

Answer 2

I am so sorry for you! Anyone would be feeling shock and confusion in the same situation. I think that you don't have to make any decisions right away except to stop sleeping with your husband.

When some of the shock is less, I think it would help to separate the 2 issues and just deal with whether you want to stay with your husband or not. Is his having sex with with another woman
an example of a character defect and will he do this again? Is this
infidelity the only one or the only one he was caught at? What are
his plans regarding his ( I repeat, his, not yours) new child? If you stay with your husband and he continues his old ways, it won't have done him any good and will be very harmful for you.

Only if you decide to stay with your husband, is his child an issue of yours. Also, only if you and your husband take this child to live
with you and it's mother gives up her rights, will you become a step mom. If you stay with your husband and the child stays with
it's mother you can only be the best influence you can with the child in the limited contact that you will have.

This is a terribly sad situation and my heart goes out to you.
I will pray for you and your family. God loves you.

I just read your previous questions and see that this issue is at least 2 mos old. This is a terrible conflict that you are in. Obviously the thought of leaving your husband is not what you want but you're not sure if that isn't possibly the best thing to do.
Can you get away for a weekend or longer. If you can stay with a supportive friend or family member, that would be the best. With you away from your husband and being with someone who is only concerned about your welfare, you might have less confusion and better able to make these difficult decisions.

Answer 3

I'm not entirely sure your question here but I will attempt to answer it anyway.

I highly, highly recommend being in this child's life. If you are concerned about how the mother is raising him, find out what you can legally do as the new wife to the father. If you have such strong reservations about the mother, speak to your husband about this, maybe he shares them with you and can seek to have something arranged legally with regards to custody. There are a number of options here regarding what you can do for this child.

If, on the other hand, you are set against having anything to do with this situation then you will have to leave it entirely. End your marriage, split the city, sever all contact with him and his family.

This could end up being more detrimental to the child in the long run as it will now affect his father's life in a negative way.

There is also some information missing from your "question". What is the age of the child in question? Is he legally able to make a decision about who he wants to be with? How does the father feel about the sitaution and does he want to be involved in the child's life? Have there been any reports made against the mother in the past or do you plan to make one in the near future?

A tough situation all around, and I wish you the best of luck with it.

Answer 4

I can totally understand where you are coming from about the mother being trashy. As far as the child, just remember that the child is an innocent victim in all of this. The child is the innocent one and should not be disliked or mistreated because of his mother and father. Your husband should really get a legal visitiation schedule and make her abide by it. (That is if he wants to see his child and/or he hasn't already done that) I can understand your confusion and hopefully you can get it all worked out. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

That is a hard one. Is he a responsable person that the courts would consider good enough to be custodial parent? If she is that bad of a parent, he should go after custody. If she is not, and the only real issue is that you don't like her, don't allow her to be around you. She does not need to be anywhere near you or your home. Visitation exchanges can be done somewhere else, without you present. She doesn't need to come over for stuff.

I have a peaceful divorce and can be civil with his new wife(a woman he left me for, so I am the victim here, slightly reversed on your situtation), so we usually did child exchanges at his house since it was easier most of the time, she made sure she gave me space if I was angry at her or anything was bugging me. She basically walks on eggshells around me until she makes sure I am in a mood to tolerate her. She also goes the extra distance to be nicer to me than I am to her, kind of buttering me up, although she expects nothing except to survive with no scrapes. But she has to put forth a lot of effort for us to be able to have that situation. So everything I do, with child exchanges, inviting them both over for dinner, stuff like that, don't do. There is nothing wrong with you making her keep her distance. If you think she is going to make a play for your husband/boyfriend, then you need to sit down with him and have a talk about your concerns and what he can do to help... have a friend that you trust go with him to play buffer between him and her.

Answer 6

If you really love this man then you should love this child too. Regaurdless of who the mother is. It is not the childs fault. Think of it this way too, if you were the mother and another women was with the father, you would want her to treat your child with love too. My husband raises my first son to a previous relationship. He has to deal with the fact that my sons bio father is a jerk, but he never looked at it like that to begin with. He saw my son as a child he loved as a part of me. Good luck honey, you have a lot of soul searching to do.

Answer 7

well my bf has to get a DNA testing done because he is not sure if his x-wifes neborn is his or her new lovers.
it is hard being with some1 who has kids with another women i know becasue my bf already has one from his x. but if you love him alot and know that you can manage through all the drama stay with him. you might be even a better parent then you think. and when you are ready to have kids, if you dont already have ne, then it will be a good expierance for u.
if u need nemore advice. feel free to write me

Answer 8

first of all change ur screen name cause there aint nuttin cutie about u secondly he oughta dump u for talkin about his childs mother like that u just dont do that i dont care how bad she is. lord what r u gonna say in front of the child u gonna tell him/her that the mother is trashy grow up

Answer 9

Same thing happend to me! But I am still adjusting.. If you just give it some time you will begin to feel differently about the child. Hell my stepdaughter calls me mommy and I never asked her to, and It kinda makes me feel really good. Just stick with It and It will work out... Good luck!

Answer 10

don't take it out on the innocent child. Try to love him/her as your own. You may be the child onlt hope to having somebody normal in their life. Good luck with this.