its a regular occurance in our marriage life.i know am guilty of it but cant stop because of my pride.i am more happy when i have the final word in every discussion,plans or arguement.i see myself as smarter than him.am i wrong with this attitude in my marriage.i must admit, my husband is a lovely man.lately i have noticed he is quiet and reserve,and doesnt say much these days.what am i doing wrong and what can i do to turn things around.i think i dont want to lose him.
2006-07-20 13:15:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should shut up one time
It might help
2006-07-20 13:17:12 · answer #1 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao " i think i dont want to lose him. " im guessing at this point your wishing you wrote "i know" any how.... your a strong woman, and usually that could be a good thing or bad thing as you already know but when the time arises you want to have a conversation litterally say at the end of the conversation "get the last word' it will remind you that he gets it. but also rember that some things are a "guys thing" and unless he ask for imput you might have to just let him go so you dont emasculate him if you have a problem with the anxiety of keeping quiet like i do (im a male, with your same affliction. lol) run to the computer e-mail it to yourself if what he doing at that moment fails youhave a see i told you so and can jokingly show him and he is right you can throw it away and no one is the wiser lol.... as far as him being quite you might need to cator his ego a bit with honest compliments and just walk away with out expressing why your doing it. find the reason you married him and learn to adore it all over. it will go a long way with restoring a dinged up man hood. good luck
2006-07-20 20:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you finally won. You've beaten him so many times he's quit fighting. You win every argument, you have the last word in every discussion. You "prove" you're smarter than him, better than him, every single time. You made your relationship a battlefield, just so you could win. Now he's quit the field of battle. You won. Enjoy your victory.
Would you like to know what will happen next? He will rebuild his self esteem by avoiding conflict with you. He'll stop disagreeing, stop having a different opinion, stop making any demands. He'll find other ways to gain success. He'll find the approval of others. His peers... your peers. You'll have a quiet, peaceful husband who will let you do... whatever. All the time building his self esteem without you. Then, when he is strong enough again as a man, he will leave. He will let you keep thinking you're stronger, smarter, better... He'll just let you believe it alone. You've won the field of battle and he is going to abandon you to it. Enjoy your victory. It is very short-lived.
2006-07-20 20:26:32 · answer #3 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off all.....every thought that goes through you mind doesn't have to come out of your mouth. Start to think twice before you say something.
He is quiet becasue he knows if he says too much he has to deal with you and he is tired of that. Consider this anology. If a person puts his hand in the fire and gets burned- he is a fool to
keep putting his hand in the fire. A smart person avoide the fire.
Your conversations become fire.Why would he continually stick his hand in the fire? You basically have taught him how to NOT communicate with you.
The use of words are very important when we talk to someone.
What do you want more? Your pride and the last word? or do you want a good loving relationship with the man that you have chosen to live your life with?
Get rid of your smarter than him thoughts. He will be feeling it and a man can only be belittled so much until he feels like "nothing". Are you content with making him feel like nothing?
One thing that love is based on is that the other person makes you happy. When partners settle in for a life commitment they forget that romantic part of life and start wanting to be right and or having the last word. This is destructive behavior.
Talk Fair-- don't blame, no name calling, don't say things like......
"you always do........" Say "it makes me feel bad when you do....."
Take the initial blame off of the person and on to the words or activity.
You put him on the definsive and he has learned to keep his mouth shut. I don't blame him. Do you?
Sit down and read this to him and say the two of you need to discuss how to communicate better. Write down the ideas then read them daily until they become routiene
Don't read this to him. It will hurt him deeply with your statment.....I am smarter than him. Gosh you might as well cut off his balls.
2006-07-20 20:26:49 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already answered what your doing wrong. I don't know if you want to call it pride or being selfish, and egotistical. Marriage is a equal patnership of love. The reason why he's quiet and reserve is because he's bored with your nagging and superiority attitude. I know you love him and that's why you want advice. Stop now for your marriage sakes, or he'll turn to a nice lady who is the opposite of what you are right now. I don't want to sound harsh, but it's serious. He loves you and give him the respect on an equal basis. Surprize him and do the opposite of what's turning him off. Wishing you the best of luck in saving your marriage.
2006-07-20 20:37:57 · answer #5 · answered by ianthra2010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to him and take turns talking. Don't interrupt each other. Then if you start getting angry--say I am sorry but I need to calm down b/f I can finish this conversation. Then walk away until you all are composed enough to talk. Make a rule--do not yell--be assertive--take TURNS talking and really listen to what is said. Think about it --listen not just hearing--that is important. I can hear the TV, but I do not always listen. Listening is a skill and people need to be more patient with others and listen in all situations in talking to someone b/c you will find out much more information and know how to respond.
2006-07-20 20:23:54 · answer #6 · answered by just julie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take him out to say sorry or treat him to something special. the most inmportant thing is to TALK so many marriages fall apart because they dont talk. you need to discuss together why you do it and what you could both do to change the way you behave its 2sided he could try standing up to you a bit more. do you tell him he's a lovely man he wont know unless you tell him. sometimes life stops you from saying the things you want to say but even if you think you'll sound stupid just go for it. if all this fails there is always the bedroom department, they dont mind that sort of making up.
2006-07-20 20:24:53 · answer #7 · answered by muffinplattsie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have taken the first and proper step-wanting to stop it. Marriage is all about making adjustments. My suggestion is that you try to forget about what has happened and forge ahead in your marriage, when you make reference to the past incidents you are opening dead wounds-it's really painful you know. Secondly, try to submit /humble yourself before your Husband, he's the head remember? He doesn't say much again because He doesn't want to be hurt, but you can bring him near in your response to him even when he doesn't want to talk. Make him some tea or juice, always smile, and don't allow anger to blind your eyes. Let him notice the change in you and your home will be heaven on earth. You love and understand him, walk in ways that won't upset your marriage union. Put away your pride, it goes before a fall, when you want to suggest an idea to him do it gently, don't shout because you're smarter. He needs you and doesn't want to lose you as well as you don't want to lose him. always appologhise if for any reason you offend him (but don't try to offend him again;) ).
I know you can make it. You are on the right track. Jesus Christ can also help you in your decision to stop breaking your home. You can still contact me if you want anymore info. Have and enjoy a happy home from now, it's up to you.
2006-07-20 20:41:17 · answer #8 · answered by redeemedmikel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really care and don't want your marriage to fall apart - then loose the attitude NOW!
It is wrong for you to think you are smarter than he is. Everyone is smart in different ways.. Some will be 'book smart' while others may have experiecne. Yes you are very prideful and if you don't stop, it will tear your marriage apart.
2006-07-20 20:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by helpme1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, you are alienating your husband by acting like you are better than him. You are supposed to be equals.
Seriously consider counseling to get to the root of this behavior. I suspect you have alienated friends through this behavior too... you have to learn how to treat him like and equal and not have to "win" everything. You guys are a TEAM, and there isn't a winner... but there will be two people who LOSE a lot if you continue to demean your husband all the time.
2006-07-20 20:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please read once again what you just wrote.
"I see myself as smarter than him."
This quote itself says more than the whole paragraph. You see, a man prides himself too you know. It's not wrong that you feel smarter than him but when it comes to a relationship, please remember that you should give him that satisfaction too. How would you feel if he treated you that way? It isn't fair is it? You should let him make some decisions too...That is way he is much more quieter and reserve because now, he is afraid of you...Not good...I suggest some coupling therapy. Good luck...
2006-07-20 20:23:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋