Should I be suspicious of my husband- Please see details?

Question

I found my husbands wedding ring in the washing machine today, the only item of clothing that was his was a pair of pants that he wore on Monday. He normaly does not take his ring off at all. We had a baby 6 weeks ago and our "marital relations" have not been too frequent. He cheated on me one year ago this month and now I am wondering if it could be a repeat of that. If he simply took his ring off for some reason, then why would he not say that he doesn't know where his ring is? Any suggestions as to what I should say, because I don't think that he will be very upfront if I just ask him staight out, if he is indeed up to something that he shouldn't be or any opinions would be aprecriated.
Thank you.

Answer 1

I say once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. And a woman (or even a man for that matter) knows in their gut the truth - what is your gut telling you - obviously that he is whoring around again! Nip it in the bud NOW or kick his cheating a*s*s to the curb!

Answer 2

Well, if it were just for those two pieces of evidence, I would not assume he's cheating. Can you think of a logical reason he may have taken his ring off? For instance, was he working on a car or doing something else and he may have been afraid that the ring would get scratched or dirty? Maybe he hasn't mentioned the lost ring because a) he's afraid you'll get suspicious of him or b) he's afraid you'll get mad if it was quite expensive. Secondly, the fact you haven't had sex much in the last six weeks isn't a fair signal either. Is this your first child with your husband? Is it possible he's a little nervous about starting sex up again? Afraid to hurt you? A bit weirded out about seeing you as a mother and a sensual woman? Or, has he been working a lot lately? Now, the fact he has cheated on you before, though, I don't blame you for being more suspicious. The fact he's done it once, I would think might make him susceptible to doing it again. I guess I would give the ring back to him and try to ask casually why he had it off. Watch carefully to see how he responds...

Answer 3

Just ask him why his ring is not on.

Don't jump to conclusions though. If you took your ring off, put in your pocket and then forgot about, and then a couple days later your husband found it I doubt he would even think about you cheating. It's sterotyped that all men cheat. Although he did cheat before, so there is more reason to suspect I suppose. But you just had a baby, why would he possibly cheat at a time like that? And if he hasn't cheated again in over a year he must be serious about not doing it again.

If you haven't been having sex in a couple weeks because your both busy with the baby ... well ... he has his hand, if you know what I mean. And it would probley hurt for a guy to do that with a ring on.

Answer 4

Yeah that is a big red flag--you are definitely right about your insticts. Wow--I am sorry you had to have a child with this adulterous man. If he cheated once he will do it again. I could not imagine being in your situation, but I have been cheated on before--not by a husband--and I have seen my friends get cheated on as well. Hmm.. I would keep it cool and try to watch for more signs. If he does not suspect that you are on to him, he will be more obvious soon, if he is cheating. Look at his cell phone, etc. When he says he is somewhere and is late that is a sign--if it happens frequently and you can always call and find out his whereabouts with a logical excuse. I would have someone follow him around --in a car that he would not know of course--if the signs of him cheating again get clearer. Eventually when you have enough proof or facts, deal your cards out on the table--pictures, notes of dates and times when you found him in the lie--weird cell phone numbers or people calling your house and hanging up... Plus watch for him to be acting differently--overly nice to you, trying to be sneaky and sly about things--just any little change in his personality that is not like his usual behavior. Like dressing differently, using cologne that he normally doesn't wear, or treating you differently --good or bad. I believe that you know that he is cheating and you just need proof to validate your feelings. You will get proof but it may take a little time. So prepare yourself and make some plans on where to go from there. I am so sorry about this. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 5

although comunication isnt always truthfull your husband has given you the right to suspect and question but if you ever accepted his appology for his affair the first time you cant use it as a leverage but merely a stanse sit and talk with him be very upfront about what you found and how it makes your worry, no doubt if he is cheating then he will more then likely denie it and thats that as far as the talking goes other then informing him that your afraid for your marriage and explain to him becuase you havnt really gotten over the last time, you will be watching closely . he may object, but you did not hurt your trust he did. word of advice though a man that cheats and is just forgiven with out really having to work hard to save his marriage more then likely will cheat again and if this is the second time i would see an attorney becuase he will not change. <~~ its a sucky answer and probably not what you want to hear but some men cant seem to get past this whole quest for what they are not suppose to have. i wish you all the luck its always communication ( or lack of) in marriage that makes or breaks

Answer 6

Once you know, someone has cheated, you will never trust them again, you will always have doubts. If you find it is something you just can't seem to forget, then maybe you should move on. yes you have a child but you should stay together because you both want to be together not only because you have a kid together, in the long run it would be less harmful to the child. And you just had a baby 6 weeks ago, sex will not come into the picture for another few weeks and he should understand that and if he can't hold on that long then he is not worth it. And another thing communication in a relationship is big and if you can't talk to him with honesty then the relationship is just going downhill.

Answer 7

If you ask him why he took off the ring chances are he will just lie. He cheated on you before he can do it again. But I know that men do not like their wives to snoop around their things or monitor them for that matter. Just try to trust him (even if he isn't trustworthy) and be at your best, in your looks, attention, caring and in your personal relationship. Don't be obvious and be on the look out for other signs until you are perfectly sure that he has someone else. Then you can talk to him. Timing is essential, don't talk to him in the evening. He will be tired and could have a drink therefore irritable. Do it at dawn or early morning. Pray and pray hard. Only God can change the workings of a mind.

Answer 8

Always keep the lines of communication open, don't keep it inside and one-day hope he will tell you, tell him how you feel and that you cant trust him, i think the issue here is the fact that you don't trust him, more so than the affair itself, i must say women have great intuition most of the time what they feel is really whats going on, try to target the problem now before it gets any worse confront him and tell him that you feel insecure in the marriage, suggest counseling if he says no then he might be hiding something, some husbands find it difficult to be intimate with their wife after a baby, sometimes watching you nurse her and spend so much time with her might put him off sex because he looks at you more like a mother figure than a sexual woman, so like i said strongly suggest counseling his answer will determine how willing he is to save his marriage, also don't let your daughter grow up thinking that its OK to treat women like this!

Answer 9

Sounds like you are already suspicious. Based on past experience, i.e. he cheated on you a year ago, I understand how you would be suspicious. Have there been other signs that he is up to something? There usually are.

I would have to say something to him. Otherwise, don't you think it would just keep eating at you and making you unhappy? I would be upfront about it too, no trying to catch him in a lie. If you love this man, then you have to be able to talk to him. If he truly loves you then he has to understand your fear of a reoccurrence of his past indiscretion. You don't have to confront him in a way that sets him up to be pissed off. You just have to tell him what you found and what it makes you think. Tell him how you feel.

A bad reaction could mean 2 different things to me. One, you caught him, or two, he is hurt you think he would do that to you again. You know him best and are the best judge of his reaction.

My hope is he took if off for a good reason and couldn't find it and was embarrassed or something to tell you he lost it. Then you two can laugh about it and enjoy that new baby.

Hope this helps you.

Answer 10

Hang onto the ring...and then confront him about the whereabouts of it, by simply looking at his hands as you try to hold them or something, and be like...hmm, what happened here? If he tries to make up some story about the ring being somewhere, i.e at work...then show it to him! I hope for the sake of a newborn baby and a marriage that he is not cheating again, but I think he should most certainly be confronted about it.

Answer 11

well you should ask him why he took his ring off.
look you never can know. why did u take him bak in the first place if he cheated on u? did he make a promis? after someone has cheated on somebody else willingly its hard to go back to what it was before!
then again u do have a six week old baby therefore u have less time on ur hand to do other things.
if smthing else suspicious happens. u might have to ask him if hes okay, or if anything is wrong with him.
all i know is that u chose to take him back after he cheated on u the first time, so u must trust him. but do u? ask urself that...
good luck