How do I know if my husband is gay and is repressing it.?

Answer 1

Honestly, unless he is sexually active with men, I don't think there is any way you could figure it out.

If you suspect he is having an affair with a man, try to look for used condoms or condom wrappers and be wary of suspicious phone calls, especially if he uses a cell phone. I wouldn't say check the dialed/received calls, but if you are desperate enough...yeah.

I went out with a guy for a long time who denied being gay every time anything the least bit relevant came up in conversation -- gay rights laws, homophobia, my gay friends, Truman Capote, anything. Honestly, I think he was repressing it too, but I know now that there was/is no way for me to know for sure.

What it really boils down to is this: do you love him and do you believe he loves you? Best of luck trying to figure this out.

Answer 2

I'd say...avoid the "watch him like a hawk!" stuff, because it's going to make both you and him totally miserable and irritated. If you can, try talking to him about it. If he wouldn't go for that, well...what are your reasons for wondering if he's gay? If it's stuff like "he acts feminine," ehhh, that's no sign of anything. I have a friend whom EVERYONE in high school assumed was gay, because he had a lisp and he acted "feminine"... but he is and has always been interested only in women. Don't mix up stereotypes and reality, ya know?

The gay porn thing's not particularly reliable, either. I'm a lesbian, for example, but I've tried (and enjoyed) different types of porn, and it's the same for most people I know. Go figure.

It's a difficult situation to navigate. If he's repressing it, heaven knows he's probably having lots of stress and pain, himself. At the same time, it's not fair to you to be trying to have a husband/wife relationship with someone who ultimately won't be able to commit to you "that way."

Would he ever consider counseling? Perhaps you could simply present it to him as....you want to try counseling to strengthen/help communication between the two of you, or you want to explore your relationship... if you can't directly approach the issue of his possibly being gay. And maybe, in the course of counseling, he might eventually get some help coping with the situation...? Oftentimes you go to counseling thinking you're going to deal with one issue, and 20 other issues that are REALLY bugging you and stressing you out just...pop out. Might be worth a shot.

Wish I could come up with something more helpful. Good luck to the both of you -- I hope it gets resolved soon.

Answer 3

Hi.
My sister went through a situation similiar to yours. Listen, do not ask him because he will always deny it, not matter what. Just try to follow him, see where he goes, what he does, check his clothes, etc. Don't try to show him that you are suspicious about it, coz then he'll be careful.
gOOD LUCK. By the way, my sister found a lot of guy's phone numbers in his huband wallet, and called a few of them. After a few months, she found condoms and a wig. Good luck

Answer 4

You need to ask him, and let him know you'll support him if he is. If he's gay, he's gay and nothing can change that.

You also need to appreciate that you can't understand the difficulty of trying to accept that you're lying to yourself at that magnitude.

Answer 5

Buy him some porn, Some straight some gay. See if he throws away the gay porn or keeps it. I would say if he throws it away your fine. If he keeps it worry.

Answer 6

Watch his every move, when you go out. See if he checks out girls or guys in public. Or if he comments on guys out of the blue. Good luck !!!

Answer 7

See if he has any gay porn

Answer 8

just open your eyes. if you have your doubts he is probably is gay.men dont act feminine unless there is a reason for it.

Answer 9

ouch, glad im not in your shoes. good luck with that.