How do I advise/console him?

Question

Boyfriend has been taken to court by his psycho ex wife. Shes suing for sole custody of his daughter and she wants a piece of the equity of his house. He went to court today, and found out that his parental rights were taken away and now he is only allowed supervised visits, which he has to pay for. This is all based on the fact that she claims he would drink when the daughter was around he would drink and get drunk in front of her. I live with him, and none of this is true. She kidnapped the daughter for several weeks and told her how bad daddy was. The daughter started to become distant. I know hes stressed because of this. How can I help him deal?

Answer 1

if this a man your going to marry understand this will be a thing that will happen the rest of his life, the ex sounds just like you described her a "phyco" and will use anything to torment him and you even you more so if you two decide to get married becuase this man is will only be hated more if he acts happy with moving on with his life as i was and as my present wife are being tortured. i say this becuase understanding what the future is going to be like will help console him your job is to listen and when your man says the same thing 10 times over and over again like i did with mine she listened she didnt tell me what to do or offer advice unless i asked for it she was and is my rock and sounding board. the only time your advice should be offerd with out being asked for is if he isnt living by the " do what is right for the child" credo always while your (slightly) removed from your daughter being hijacked. as far as the visitation thing he may have to live like this for a short time as the judge has already ruled or possibly get another attorney. it sucks royally and i feel for him as my ex tried to hijack my kids.... and as far as the beer two things i personally think need a role model, if your bf drinks and is responsible about it (not a drunk) then the kids see and learn same goes for argueing they should see arguments just never a hatefull one and they should see resolve to the arguements . im babbling about things mainly becuase this child will need a wholesoome enviroment especially coming from what sounds like my exwifes house. good luck be your mans rock when his head is pretty scrambled. if you always do what is right by the children you can hold your head up and they will learn later who is the whack job

Answer 2

You should have advised him to get an attorney before it went to court. However, these things are never set in stone and either party can file for modification of the standing order whenever they want so just because this is what happened today it doesn't mean the war is over. It's a shame that it has to be a war, it shouldn't be about that it should be about the child, but adults often play these stupid games. She can't get supervised visits without providing some proof that he is a danger to the child, every vengeful woman out there tries this stuff and the courts aren't that easily fooled. In fact i was with a guy whose ex tried to do the same thing, she tried to dictate all kinds of crazy rules over it and she was literally laughed at. I'm thinking that in order for her to be successful in this he either put up no fight whatsoever or there are things going on that you don't know about, yes i realize you aren't going to like hearing that but thats your choice, the facts are the facts. If he isn't a drinker and never has been that is easy enough to verify with family and long time friends, etc. You are talking about the courts here, they require EVIDENCE, not just wild accusations, perhaps you should consider that you may not know the whole story.

Answer 3

You need to take him to counseling he is being abused. This is a form of abuse what this women has done to him and it is going to take a lot of work to undue it. The thing is that in a divorce they always talk about the wife/ women and all that she endures and all the pain she goes through but they never really focus on the husband/ dad who is going through his own problems. If you get him help and support there is a good chance that you can have the parental visits changed in the future and have the lawyer take a good hard look at all the parental rights that were taken away and have them looked at again. If he has a counselor to support him the courts will look favorably on him. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

You can't. This kind of crap doesn't happen to a man who defends himself. Whatever else went on, he just didn't make the effort. It's easy to blame the ex. There are a lot of vindictive women (and men) out there. But the truth is, he let her emasculate him. If he had stood up for himself from the beginning, spent the resources on a good attorney, litigated the way he should and stood up to her he would never be in this mess.

You can't help him grow a pair. He has to do that on his own. All you can do (and what he expects you to do) is "mother" him in his sorrow, and pity him in his loss. Until he decides to stop acting like a child and start acting like a man, all you can do is enable his destructive behavior. You will watch as person after person takes advantage of him, just because they can, and leave you to pick up the pieces again and again.

Answer 5

- Scriptures clarify that Salvation is: a million) an ongoing technique a million Pt a million:6,9 2) some thing we artwork out Phil 2:12 3) some thing we strengthen right into a million Pt 2:a million-2 4) no longer certain via faith on my own Jas 2:14,17,24 & Mt 7:21 5) no longer a single act of religion a million Cor 15:a million-2, Heb 6:4-6 & Mt 24:12-13 6) Salvation isn't finished in this life a million Pt a million:3-5 God bless, Stanbo

Answer 6

This is not a time for words of wisdom. Just be there for him to talk to....be the listener. As women we always feel the need to say something in order to fix the situation. This is a situation where nothing needs to be said. Let him vent and be as supportive as possible...maybe ask if there is anything you can do to help....let him know your there and will stand beside him.

Answer 7

Both of you should c a marriage or dating counselor. Bcuz ur worried about the situation too. But u shouldn't just counsel him, he should c a trained professional counselor. they might think of a way to help that u might not think of. But counsel him in ur own way too. Good Luck and try to have nothin to do with his ex-wife, Same goes with ur bf.

Answer 8

Stay out of this dispute as much as possible. Tell him you understand how he feels when choose to discuss his divorce with you. Be careful what you say, especially if you value your relationship with him, anything you can and will be used against you. Good luck this is a difficult time for your friend . . . just be there for him.

Answer 9

stay with him.. i know this whole thing sounds like a lame mess that shouldn't even exist.. but tell him to be strong.. even though he can barely see his daughter.. at least he gets a chance to..some don't ever get it.. never know.. things change.. he'll find a way somehow.. just help him make the best of this and hang in there

Answer 10

it's too bad when exes have problems and go dragging the children in the midst of them...i would say that maybe you should start by getting a lawyer and fighting this...he needs to show that he does, indeed, care...