My ex asked that he see our daughter whenever he wants and I agreed. But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that it isn't fair to our daughter or me.I'd like to make out a fair schedule, she needs the stability. How do I tell him that I've changed my mind without seeming like a crazy ex?
2006-07-20 11:08:57 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Um, being mean isn't really helpful.
2006-07-20 11:15:52 · update #1
I'm all for them spending time together, she adores him.
2006-07-20 11:18:21 · update #2
Tell him that your daughter needs to have a regular schedule as to when she can expect to see him. That since he no longer lives with her, that she needs to know that she can count on him, and part of being able to do that is having a schedule that he goes by.
Explain that you are sorry for going back on your agreement that he could see her whenever he wants, but she should come first and she need stability. Set down a minimum schedule that he is required to do, and if he wants more time with her, then tell him that you don't have a problem with him getting more time with his daughter as long as you and she don't have prior plans and he can give you a little bit of a heads up on it.
Explain to him that you are not trying to keep him away from your daughter, but the schedule is for a basic minimum that she can count on, and he is always welcome to ask for more time and will be accommodated as often as possible, and you must really mean that, the more time she can have with her dad is a good thing for her.
2006-07-20 11:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that after more thought think it would be better for your daughter and you if there were some sort of a schedule for visitation. That way you can make plans to do somethings that need to be done when he is scheduled for visit. Let him know that you are happy that he wants to visit your daughter. He has to realize that your life no longer revolves around what works best for him. There may be times outside the schedule when he wants to see her or she wants to see him. That is ok too be flexible but keep your daughter's best interest in mind.
2006-07-20 18:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stability. That word is so over used in divorce and custody. A child needs both parents. She got to see her dad when she wanted before the divorce, why not now. That would be stable for her. Not changing her ability to see you both when she wants. Placing a time table will be a shift from her norm. Thats unstable. Someone else placed that idea of unstabe in your mind. Lawyers love to use that word when fighting for custody. Let your daughter decide when she wants to be with each one of you.
2006-07-20 18:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you realized you could not make plans for your own future if there are no schedules. That will make it sound like you have realized you have a life, too ! Open-ended visitation sets all of you up for problems. Healthy adults can articulate family needs and are crazy if they do not. Good Luck !
2006-07-20 18:47:02 · answer #4 · answered by SpongebobRoundpants 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children need schedules. Your child might start assuming that just because her daddy has come to see her the last 3 Saturdays that he will be back every Saturday.You don't want to find your teary eyed daughter looking out the window waiting on that one Saturday he doesn't show up. Tell him that.
2006-07-20 18:26:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly what you just wrote... That you thought about it and you realized that this schedule wasn't fair or stable for your child so you guys need to work a schedule out, so that your child can understand whats going on and also that you guys both have equal and meaningful time with her.
2006-07-20 18:12:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't worry about seeming 'crazy' you worry about seeming like a good and concerned mother. Yousimply say i reconsidered and here is what we need to do and tell him why, just like you did here. Who cares what he thinks, he's an ex. What he was asking for was crazy, he wanted a free anytime pass in to your life anytime HE wanted, so if it goes there point out how crazy that idea was, and then ask him if you can come to his place anytime you darn well feel like it. If he says no then there you go.
2006-07-20 18:13:27 · answer #7 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way you just explained it here on Yahoo does`nt sound crazy at all it sounds as though you`ve given this a lot of thought,so explain it just this simple and its non negotiable for now till you see how its working for your daughter.
2006-07-20 18:14:30 · answer #8 · answered by aminuts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are lucky to have an ex that gives a damn. what do you want good god im a woman but i swear i will never understand some of yall. if he didnt see her at all youd be bitching about that. be thankful your ex is keeping a great father daughter relationship alive and stop being jealous.
2006-07-20 18:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by starla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You prepare the schedule and tell him that she has activities, such as school, after school stuff, planned stuff with you, that during that time she can not be distracted by him and he has to give exact day and time when he will come to see her so she has some dependency on him in her life.
2006-07-20 18:11:39 · answer #10 · answered by fasb123r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋