My husband left me about a month ago, he calls me every now and again. He knows where my daughters are, but he insists on talking to me. If Im not nice to him, and grovling over him he threatens me with divorce papers. He tells my 11yr old daughter everything, like mom is probably going out with some other man, then hell say Im going to do the same. He has gotten her so upset, now shes in the middle. I am not seeing anyone else, he left me for what reasons I dont know. He says it has to do with my family and that I do for them and not him. He is like a rollercoaster up and down and all around. Hes driving me crazy. I do not know what he wants from me, I will not get on my hands and knees and beg for him back. I think he wants me to tell him I cant live without him. He a very difficult person to talk to and figure out. You'd think I'd know him by Now. Hes the one that told me to move on! I'm sick of the Sh...t. I do still love him and miss him. But he left me and the kids.
2006-07-20 11:01:50 · 32 answers · asked by carol s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Next time he brings up divorce ... go with it. Tell him he's absolutely right and you will be getting a lawyer.
2006-07-20 11:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dear it is a munipulation tactic. Maybe he is seeing someone else and maybe not. I would say be firm with him and just tell him you will not allow him to draw the children into this. Tell him if you have to get a protective order to prevent him from degrading you to the children you will it is called mental abuse.Inform him that you will not allow him to abuse your children and if he cares about them he will quit using them as a pawn in his munipulation plot. If he starts making threats tell him you will be happy to talk to him when he can get his anger under control and hang up the phone. Don't pick it back up for at least an hour. This will put the responsibility for his behavior back on him. It sounds like you don't believe in divorce and he knows it so he uses it to torture you. Next time tell him you know I don't agree with divorce but there is nothing I can do about your actions so I am sure God will forgive me if that is what you want to do. He did give us all free will so if even he won't control you he certainly doesn't expect me to. As for your 11 year old the only thing you can do is apologize for the fact that she has been drug into it.
2006-07-20 11:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go get devorce papers yourself, and next time he threatens you with devorce papers shove them in his face.
If he is messing with your daughters head then you can make it so that he only gets supervised visits with her.
You can do a LOT better. I had an Ex like that. He just wants to know that he has control,.. that he has you under his thumb.
Your kids don't need to be dealing with that crap!
He left you, and if he is using your family as an excuse then he's PROBABLY cheating and using any reasoning he can think of to be out of the house and getting away with it. Once be gets tired of his mistress he'll try and come back home. Don't Allow it.
The first idea a young girl gets of a man is her father. Don't ler her grow up thinking that it's ok to let a man mess around and shatter her heart.
2006-07-20 11:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by *♥Mrs. Morrow♥* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your tochis to a lawyer pronto and divorce him...he left you, you've got grounds and you've got kids to take care of...don't put up with his nonsense and don't stay in a relationship where someone would treat you the way he is...
Get out now, so you can move on with your life...and make sure the atty knows what kinds of things he's said to your daughter so hopefully the judge will take that behavior into consideration when considering custody...the kids will be better off with you two divorced and living your own lives, than married and going through what you are now...
Take care of you...and do what's best for you and your kids...good luck!
2006-07-20 11:05:51 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce, using grounds of desertion. But... your first move should be to go to Juvenile and Domestic Relations court intake and file for sole temporary custody of your children until you can get the other legalities hashed out. Consider an Order of Protection if there are any grounds for it, speak to the intake officer about this. Tell them he's upsetting your daughter by the things he's saying and you feel that it's damaging to her (it is.)
It sounds like he has some mental health issues... you describe him as being "like a rollercoaster" which is a classic description of a person with bipolar disorder. Loving him is fine. Missing him is fine. Continuing to allow him to be emotionally and verbally abusive to you and your children is not.
Remember that because he's left you guys, if you get sole temporary custody or at least physical custody, he will have to either ask permission from you to see them and speak to them... or he'll have to go to court himself and petition for visitation privileges. It's best not to leave him alone with them while he's behaving this way. He doesn't seem to be mentally stable, certainly he's not behaving in the best interest of his children, so it's vital that YOU put their safety and best interests first.
Best of luck to you. Please contact a local women's shelter or domestic violence program to get guidance on how to develop a "Safe Plan" for you and your children. This is important because men who behave in a volatile fashion (as he is now) will sometimes go over the edge during the stress of separation and divorce, especially when they see they can't scare you into begging them for anything. He's in bully mode right now and you need to keep yourself and your daughters safe.
2006-07-20 11:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like to me the man is on drugs. It is not good for your kids to be in the middle of your guys business. If he keep threatening you just tell him good that is what you have been waiting for. You and your kids do not deserve the abuse this man is dishing out. It will take your heart time to get over him, but when you do you will be a happier person. You can not make someone want to be with you either they do or they don't. Do not beat your self up over his mistakes. All you can do is do the best you can every day to keep you and your kids happy. No one is perfect we all make mistakes.
2006-07-20 11:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he threatening you? Divorce papers should be a relief for you at this point. If I were you I would go and file the divorce papers myself first. Also get an order from a judge against him contacting your children based on the fact that he is making defamatory remarks towards you in front of them. Move on with your life.
2006-07-20 11:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by fasb123r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard, especially with your kids involved. But to me it seems like he's making your life hard to live. You should sit with your daughter and tell her that you love her and explain to her in a language that whatever he is telling her is not true. You have to be a woman and stand up, put your foot down. If he is threatening you with the divorce, show him that you are strong and that you don't need him, sign those papers or send him the request for divorce. I know you love him and I know that it would be had to get over him, but do this for yourself and your kids. Show them how to respect themselves and not let anyone let them feel inferior, as they get older they will understand.
2006-07-20 11:09:59 · answer #8 · answered by Patricia A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want to make the marriage work then there is always the option of marriage counselors, but if in the end when he isn't calling and upsetting you and the children are you happier? more content? if so then sign or file on him and start life fresh. Don't be afraid of money and such, these issues the courts will help you work out besides jobs are easy to get but a good night sleep and happiness are much harder with a jerk in the house!!! be strong change is hard but do able live life to the fullest don't waste it on a dirt bag that takes his issues out on his family
2006-07-20 11:12:34 · answer #9 · answered by Tommys SuzyQ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like above and beyond everything you need to be protective of the children. Never say anything bad about their dad to them, because you want to let them make their own decisions, and as they grow, believe me time will come when they will make their own decisions and then is when you want them to remember that you always had nothing bad to say about their dad, no matter what he has done to you. With things the way they are now, your only option is to serve him with papers if things don't work out for reconciliation. Don't get me wrong, I am full hearted for reconciliation, so if you can please try counseling with just you or the two of you first, and then adding the kids later as things get more involved. Best wishes =) Be on your guard, don't let the emotional babble get you down! prayers =)
2006-07-20 11:07:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband seems very controlling. He wants to teach you a "lesson" by leaving you. He might feel insecure for some
reason, perhaps thinking you care about your family more than him.
If he would do this to his family, he must be very upset, but
has trouble communicating.
Tell him to get back with his family and act like an adult, or you
will serve HIM divorce papers. You said you love and miss him,
but who needs that kind of craziness...or maybe you both could get counseling, if you think it is worth salvaging.
2006-07-20 11:21:16 · answer #11 · answered by elcycer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋