What would you do if your daughter who still living at home had one child, then went on to have another, and the father wont do the right thing by her, and find them somewhere to live.....would you ask her to leave.
2006-07-20 11:01:25 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes I would.
She can always get somewhere from the council to live. She needs to see that it is not easy having kids and caring for them. Sometimes we need to give our kids rope.
You are not going to abandon her she is still your daughter but if she is comfortable where she is right now she is going to have more and you are going to be the carer. She needs to go it on her own for a while let her know that you are there if she needs you. "Tough love" She may just surprise you by how she copes.
I am a mother and I surprised myself and happy that I was pushed into that situation or else I would still be living at my mother's house. Reality really kicks. Every day I say thanks mom for that push. (of course she still helps if I need her)
2006-07-20 11:15:52 · answer #1 · answered by Phillippa 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes another perspective can help rather than a straight decision.
Your daughter has previously made a mistake by continuing to have another baby with the father in question, however, that is done and that action is in the past.(although the result is now in the present and the future). At this present moment in time ask yourself :-
Has your daughter learnt from her previous mistakes? (we all make them)
Does she realise that the father is a waster and is she now reluctant to create a further mistake? If so then applaud her.
Has your daughter behaved with maturity and responsibility to her mistakes?
What are your daughters intentions now? Or does she not have any?
Its always a very individual situation created from a long line of individual circumstances. Sometimes yes, the only way is to get them out in the big world and fend for themselves as it is sometimes the only way they will learn any kind of self respect and responsibility. However, sometimes, they need a little bit more help to set them on the right road that they want to be on.
I wish you well and hope that I may have helped in some small way.
P.S. Yes I am a mother.
2006-07-20 11:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by Paula 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your daughter may have been a little unwise to say the least, in her decision to have another child with this man: if he is not willing/able to provide a home for his partner, and the child they already have.
Personally I would have a word in both their ears and explain that it is not right for them all to be living with you: and that you to need to have your own space.
They also need to be able to cope by themselves, and stand on their own two feet as a family unit: instead of no doubt using grandma at every opportunity!?!
At the end of the day, your daughter is your daughter: and the children are your grand kids... You must do what you feel right to do!!
2006-07-20 11:17:16 · answer #3 · answered by englands.glory 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like your daughter has been a bit short on parenting. Where has she developed her deviant streak. Has she had good example from her parents? Has she any strong role model to follow? Is she rebelious and if so why. She may be mixing with the wrong sort of guys, and if so why.
The question you really need to ask, is how you have directed her and supported her emotionally during her childhood. If you have been a poor parent, then she may be better off leaving your house, but if you have been a good parent, she should listen to your advise, and see the wisdom in your words. Asking your child to leave your house, is admitting you have failed her, or she has failed you. One way or the other you are not communicating and you are not close
2006-07-20 11:12:16 · answer #4 · answered by Pearse A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is she? Probably a bit harsh if she's very young but conversely you've got to instill some responsibility in her...
How does she support her kids? Take it the father won't help if he won't move in with her... Problem is you and the tax payer will be lumbered with all the costs.
Would suggest that you should try to encourage her to do something so she can support herself but ultimately are you just going to end up paying for somewhere else for her to live or am I? Doubt she'll be getting a job anytime soon!
2006-07-20 11:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by Elliot H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never ask her to leave, but I would set rules. First of all, The daddy better get his act together if he is not willing to show any responsibility for HIS children then he should have no legal rights to them. She is a mom now and she needs to also grow up and be responsible...soooo. I would volunteer to care for her kids while she got herself into school..(there is a lot of government grants out there or student loans) But I would not watch the kids so she can go meet up with him or go out and party with her friends. I would provide for my grandchildren and love them as my own. But she would have to do the right thing. If she was not willing to accept my terms, then I would strongly suggest that she finds a place of her own, although I would hope it would not come to that. You need to balance support for her but also you can not become an enabler. Hard thing to do. Good luck to you!
2006-07-20 11:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First we'd talk about a Norplant; that's a contraceptive patch that lasts a good long time. Next we'd get a lawyer and sue the sperm donor for financial support. Next we'd see a counselor to find out why she's giving it away for free to a loser; what does she see in him? Does he have parents? Talk to them.
We teach our kids morals because morals work. They make for good families which makes for good children. These little ones are almost guaranteed to do as their mother did; it's tough the break the cycle. The ACLU would tell you that everyone is free to do everything, but what about those babies? They are the ones who lose, the babies always lose.
If she lives at home, she lives by home rules. Sounds like she's getting everything for free from you and giving it away for free to her donor.
2006-07-20 11:13:23 · answer #7 · answered by n0witrytobeamused 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't ask her to leave. She being my daughter....no I would, because in due time she will figure out exactly what that guy is all about and when she does, she going to need a shoulder to cry on. Don't ask her or tell her about adoptions or abortions until she ask, she has to make the ADULT decision on whats best for HER child. Just stay by her side because she will need you. Open your heart.
2006-07-20 11:19:55 · answer #8 · answered by Ivellisse L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would help her find her own place to live and help her find a job. Then I would get a lawyer for her and sue the father for child support. Obviously she didn't learn with baby #1 and she needs to be out on her own. That does not mean I would not support her baby if it was needed. I would help with child care while she works, but she hasn't learned to keep her panties up and I have already raised my kids (she didn't listen and learn). Harsh? Perhaps, but when I'm gone she won't have anyone to support her but her.
2006-07-20 11:14:23 · answer #9 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to move out and stand on her own 2 feet and let you get on with a normal life. If she is so stupid as to keep having illegitemate children, let her do it in her own space, not yours. The kids are her responsibility, so let her care for them in her own home.. I assume the "proper thing" would be to marry your daughter- why would he; when he is getting all he wants anyway?
2006-07-20 12:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by k0005kat@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋