my husband does work hard i cant take that away from him but he is to tired to do anything else with me or the kids and its starting to get to me he has days off but he spends them in the pub
i feel like my children dont have a father because he doesnt do nothing with them is there anything i can do to make things better for me or the kids ??
2006-07-20 10:29:59 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have screamed and shouted pleaded and begged but all i get is you like the money so shut up i would rather be broke at the moment just to spend some time with him
2006-07-20 10:42:10 · update #1
want to point out i respect my husband for working and it nearlly 11 in the night and all kids are in bed and husband is in the pub
2006-07-20 10:46:32 · update #2
Tough question,
It depends... could you work? It could cut his hours, give him more time with the kids plus a benifit of having something extra to occupy your mind than the situation... you never know he may even want to spend MORE time with you when he knows your not stuck at home all the time. One things for sure, the current tactic is NEVER going to work so forget it.
What worries me is the 'You like the money so shut up!', does this mean he thinks he slaves all day for your money satisfaction... I hope that's not the case and if not he needs to know that the money is for the household and not you specifically.
If you could get a part-time job you could earn extra cash, maybe be entitled to additional child benifit and RESPECT from your man! Telling you to 'shut up' is (pardon my french) bollocks, men should never be emotionaly blackmaled by women...BUT if you walked out on him you would'nt suddenly die, even if you had to have the kids... don't feel trapped in this prediciment because he earns the money, and if you don't like it (or he won't feel differently) take the bloody job for your own self respect...not his!
It will all depend after these changes whether you can both sit down and sort it out... you may want a father and partner, he may want unconditional love and not the pressure of feeling the second he can't work 24hrs a day to earn money to keep you happy, you will leave him for someone who will... MOST MARRAGIES!
As for the comments by the other 'gentleman' earlier... I HATE YOU??? Get a life mate, some woman has obviously screwed you over BIG TIME and you just hear nagging and ungratefulness here... HOW DO YOU KNOW??? Every situation is different and you obviously have issues (past or current or BOTH). I'm sorry that has happend to you but leave this lady alone please! x
2006-07-21 15:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by carlos 1 · 6⤊ 2⤋
my ideas:
1) Plan a vacation with him and your kids. (make sure there's room for some alone time for just the two of you in that vacation). Get him far away from the pub and his work responsibilities. It will give him a chance to remember everything he's been missing.
2) Tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works to support you and the family, but your concerned that it's really stressing him out and making him tired, and you really miss him. (guys love feeling needed) Let him know that you'd be 100% willing to live on a smaller income if that meant he could be happier and home more.
3) Ask him to take you to the pub sometime (that's right, get a babysitter and go on date).
These are some nice things, hopefully this really is a case of he's just over worked, over stressed, and too distant. He has no idea what he's missing out on, letting his kids lives just pass by like that.
good luck!
2006-07-20 10:45:36 · answer #2 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation but without the kids. This is no use for anyone and can't go on. I've taken steps to change my life and am currently in the process of splitting up with him and moving out. Words can't explain how good i feel now that i've almost got my own life back. Please don't let this go on any longer. Leave him to his pub and work and start your life again. I know it's easy to say, but i've put up with a workaholic/alcoholic for 6 years and i'm angry at myself for wasting so many years of my life trying to change someone, who clearly can't be changed. He's selfish and has used you. Please get out as soon as you can and take the kids with you. You only live once and life is way too short. Best of luck. x
2006-07-21 01:40:55 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your husband is being ground down by something called life. The only thing that makes it worse is your nagging. Listen to you, "how can I make things better for me" You should be thinking how can I make things better for "us" meaning you and your husband. He doesn't LIKE having to go to work everyday to support you and his children..but he does it because he loves you...If you won the lottery or were from a rich family, he would have plenty of time to spend with his family....but face facts, that is a reality to .05% of the population and 50% of the people on television... Be happy with what you have, don't be sad because your life isn't storybook/television... You obviously have time to dick around with Yahoo answers...... Maybe you and your kids would be better off divorced...its so easy to do nowadys..your kids would see him even less and he would finallly be free of your complaining about how "bad" this hardworker is.... I hate you....
2006-07-20 10:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen... the worst thing to do .. is yell,, and scream at him... that will just send him to the pub.. faster !!! My boyfriend also enjoys spending time in the pub..... which I don't mind.... but our rules are... that we also need to spend some quality time together. Thursday and Friday nights.. he hangs out at the pub after work..... but Saturday needs to be dedicated to me. We spoke about this.. came to this compromise.. and it has worked. There are nights when he won;'t even go .. on his "scheduled" night. Remember .... pick your battles..... this one aint worth fighting... men love the "pubs".. and if you yell and scream..that's where their headed.
2006-07-20 13:41:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time you had a candlelight dinner out with your husband, how could he refuse. After a bit of romantic ankle tapping and gazing in his eyes, you might bring up the subject of what he likes about your children, has he noticed how they adore him and they want to spend time with him lerning how to do things like fly kites, play games, and go for drives in the country side. Tell him how wonderful he is, and how he can enjoy playing new games with them. Once he had developed rapport with his kids, then their enthusiasm will bring him along.
2006-07-20 10:49:13 · answer #6 · answered by Pearse A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the bastard- if he would rather be with his boozed up mates than spend timewith his own kids, I dont care how hard he works- he is a selfish arsehole. Does he think bringing up kids on your own like you already do is easy???Kids should have 2 parents, a loving mum, which you obviously are, and a kind, caring daddy, which he is not. He is a selfish, drunken, self-centred ****- get rid of him, before your kids are harmed by his nasty attitude and lack of love for them.
2006-07-20 11:56:42 · answer #7 · answered by k0005kat@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can tell him life is to short and before you know it the kids will be up and out the house and on their way to college these are the moments and times we both you more than me should be spending with them enjoying them yes i know your tired and you you work hard and on your days off you want to spend with the guys but reserve some family time with us we arent promised tomorrow
2006-07-20 10:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about his behavior? I work hard all day too but I find time for my kids at the end of the day no matter what.
2006-07-20 10:35:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes 2 why is he going to the pub - ANN SUMMER perhaps if you gave him something to stay ome for perhaps he would stay lines like " we can get the kids to bed early and play - send him a email set him on a trail (clues with a promise of ?) put sexy message in his sandwich under his cup use your imagenation
2006-07-20 11:46:42 · answer #10 · answered by Maggie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋