We've been together for 4 years. We both raise his daughter who is now 16. The relationship has become really stressfull, mostly about the way the girl should be raised. I want to raise her the way they raised me in Peru, with morals and values and very family oriented and he wants to raise her lay back...being disrespectful, careless, undisciplined the way he was raised. I finally got tired and decided that he should raise her on his own without me interfering. After all she is not my daughter. I am not mean to her, just strict and demand respect. I am not an evil stepmom and actually she has it really easy with her chores (clean her bdrm,her bthrm and feed the pets in the mornings). So I told him he should move out so he can do this on his own. Is this a mistake? WIll this be the begining of the end?I am not breaking up, we would be separate for the next 2 yrs until she is gone to Univ and after that we can be move back together again, alone without the main reason of our fights
2006-07-20 10:27:23 · 5 answers · asked by Luana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Every person has a "fundamental value system", and each one is different. Where they are drastically different, there is deep conflict.
You're not fighting about petty issues. You have a disagreement about fundamental values. It's not about his daughter. It's about your values. She's just the most obvious manifestation of the problem right now. Once she's gone, the problem will still remain. It will just appear in new areas that are secondary right now. And, if you think her turning 18 will remove her from your life, well.... you're in for a surprise.
Unless the fundamental values of one or the other of you change, your relationship will always be filled with disagreement. You'll just find another focal point.
2006-07-20 10:36:25 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
useful communication is the foremost to each and everything. search for suggestion from from her do no longer scream and yell or do the top ingredient and snap your palms. also search for suggestion from from her no longer at her that makes a distinction. once you adult males communicate arise with some guidlines consisting of letting one yet another end sentences before interupting. also when we as human beings search for suggestion from from one yet another exceptionally if we are prepared about what we are speaking about we've a tendency to get an frame of mind. attempt to search for suggestion from from her lacking frame of mind yet finished of emotion. i imagine perchance you should quite sit down and ascertain together climate to stay interior an similar position or flow away there are experts and cons to each and everything which ever determination has the most experts, pick that determination.
2016-12-02 00:32:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is a bad idea. You two need to work throught this together. Even though she is technically jsut his kid, if you have been raising her together then you need to stick together. Marriage is about working through your issues. Not sending them away for two years. If you guys can't work through this then you are definitely heading for trouble.
2006-07-20 10:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is me, back 10 years later. I had already forgotten I had posted this question. Well, he ended up raising her his way. We did not get separated, I just didn't interfere much anymore. The result...she grew up to be as insecure as her father. It is a shame, she was a smart girl, always willing to learn but dad raised her the same way he was raised. A lot of yelling and screaming, a lot of putting her down. She became a vet tech but she wanted to be a veterinary doctor. I hope she will still become one but my feeling is that she doesn't believeoin her own potential to pursue being anything else than just a follower. Which is fine. But it is sad to see that her dreams got blocked because of her own insecurities. Was married once and got divorced 6 months later. Now has a boyfriend who is finally contributing economically to the relationship. Even there, I think she is so pretty she could easily have any man who could take care of her instead of her working day and night to support the man.
2017-04-12 02:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Luana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes just you have to have trust in him.
2006-07-20 10:31:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋