We have 2 kids (very young) and I really want this to work. his announcement of his lack of feeling came as a shock although we have argued a fair bit recently. Am I making an idiot of myself waiting for him to love me again or should I do my utmost to win back his love?
2006-07-20 10:12:08 · 16 answers · asked by H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry H to hear about your situation. Two young children is a pressure for any relationship and there can be thoughts of no longer being "in love". Dealing with the practicalities of children is hard work and does not exactly lead to romantic/sexual feelings at the end of the day.
I would advocate booking in to a relationship counselling service - love does not come back by itself, sometimes external advice is so helpful.
Try to create some "relationship" time if it is not there already.
Deal with confidence in yourself. You wonder about being an "idiot" and trying to "win back his love". You are a person deserving of love too. You must remember that. It seems it may the case that your husband needs reminding of why he loves you!
Each relationship has it's own dynamic so I do hope you are both able to take advice from professionals to get you back to a good space.
Wish you the best of luck.
2006-07-20 10:22:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have to 'win' his love. Sit down and talk to him, explain that despite the arguements you still love him - try your best to get to the bottom of the arguements, if parenting has been different to what you both expected this may have caused a lot of tension and heartache which he may be taking out on you.
A wedding and 2 kids happened for a reason, communication is the key, keep talking (without being too therapy / councelling sounding!) and make sure you know how each other is feeling especially about their life and role in the family.
He may be frustrated that the kids are getting your attention instead of him, sex may have changed not to his liking, there are numerous possibilities - TALK TALK TALK!!!
2006-07-20 17:20:39 · answer #2 · answered by Emma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he says he doesn't love you, does he mean doesn't feel romantically attracted to you? Or does he mean he just doesn't care for you as a person? Because the two situations are completely different, so you may want to ask for some more details here.
And then, if he's really willing to work on it like he says then the two of you need to be prepared for hard work. Agree together on exactly what actions you're going tot take to work on it.
Romantic love can be rekindled through going on dates, talking about when you first fell in love, going on a romantic weekend get-away (obviously this is going to re-kindle long term romance, not first kiss jitters).
Real, genuine caring love is rekindled through service. He needs to go the extra mile to make your life easier, and more comfortable (and he'll want to keep it up, if you do the same for him ;)
Like I said, especially at first, it's going to be hard work, whatever you do, you don't want to wait around, just living like you always have been, and then say "you tried to make it work." Heaven forbid you'll ever have to say that, but if you do, you'll want to be able to say those words without any regrets.
Best wishes.
2006-07-20 17:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me it does not work out most times. For me it was my wife and l tried for a year till she at last left me for another man. It will only make you resent everything he/she is doing, you will be hunting for where he/she is all the time and his he/she with someone else all the time. Love is something that you feel and has grown with the two of you, it does not come back when you feel the way he does! Sure he is there for the sex but there is more in your life then just that. Let him go and start new, you may be surprised at just what you get and what real love is about!!!
2006-07-20 20:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that his love is worth fighting for, then do so. If not, move on and deal with life as it comes at you. Nobody elses opinion (even my considerable one) matters but yours and his.
A lot of this depends on exactly what made him "not" love you anymore. There's gotta be a cause there somewhere whether it's another woman, money, anger, etc... Discovering that is the key to un-doing it's effects.
Ask him if there's a chance that he could love you again. If he says yes, don't hold back do anything and everything in your power . If he says no, leave right then and move on.
2006-07-20 17:20:40 · answer #5 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has agreed to try then there is love there. But if he feels the way he does and no one else is involved then you need to make more of an effort other wise he may feel like he is only there for the kids.
2006-07-20 17:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
making someone love you is a waste of time and affection! this is something that happens over time and has to be worked on every day...i understand about the kids, but do you really want to expose them to a unhappy marriage and have them think that this is the norm in a relationship?
2006-07-20 17:22:15 · answer #7 · answered by City slicker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not fair for you to win his love when he agreed to marriage you and to have children. i think you should try to make it work for the sake of the children. it is such a shame when adults get together, make children, and then seperate. people may not think so but it really hurts the children. i hope you two could be adults and make it work. by the way, what made him fall out of love with you?
2006-07-20 17:23:05 · answer #8 · answered by Looking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he not love you what has brought he to this stage - there is a famous saying " let it go if, it was meant to be, it will come back" you have to walk away show him you can stand on 2 feet life to short to be unhappy let him go they perhaps he will see what he is missing - Make sure you let him see what he is missing Tough Love
2006-07-20 18:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by Maggie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't make someone love you. Try to work things about for a couple of months and see how things go, if nothing has change than it's better to separate
2006-07-20 17:16:26 · answer #10 · answered by ani2525 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋