My husband and I plan to get pregnant in about 9 months when I am 24 and he is 26. A friend gave us a bouncer seat and bassinet since her baby just grew out of it.
The baby items were sitting in our living room and my father dropped by unexpectedly and saw them. My husband told him that we weren’t hiding a pregnancy, but we had the stuff so we can prepare for a baby. My father didn’t seem upset.
This is why I am upset: I know my dad went home and told my mother. My mother has a HUGE problem with us having a baby, that’s why we weren’t telling her anything. She thinks I should wait until I am 30 and she seems to not want to be a grandmother in her late 40’s.
I didn’t want her to know because she will just say negative things and make me upset about planning a baby.
She did this with my engagement too!
Its done and over with but I am still depressed that my mother knows. I think I am going to avoid her for a while.
What do you think? What should I do?
2006-07-20 10:06:03 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I think you are married to your husband......not your mother. It is in no way any of her business if you want to start a family. Its not like you live with her. She sounds like a very nasty lady, one that I wouldnt want as my kids grandmother. She needs to get over herself. (ohh this is making me mad lol) Girl I feel for you!! She is going to have to get over the fact that she might be a granny in her 40's....sounds like she didnt wait to have you after 30. Do what is best for you, and if she doesnt accept it....dont accept her. It would be her loss, not yours!
2006-07-20 10:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she think that being a grandmother will make her feel old, or does she think that you're too young to be a mother? Or did she have children around your age, and wishes that she had waited?
If it's the feeling old thing, I think that you should have a talk with her and explain that even though you understand that she feels too young to be a grandmother, that you don't feel that it would be best for your family to wait until she feels it's time. Explain that the older a woman is when she has her babies, the riskier it is, and the more likely there are to be complications.
If she feels that you're too young, there's probably not a lot that you can say, but try to explain that you're mature enough, and you and your husband have discussed this thouroughly.
Anyway you go about it, there's really no 'right' time to have a baby. There's always some reason that it's a bid time. In your case, this is it. In mine, we aren't married yet, and had planned on waiting until after then, but oh, well. It's happened, and we dealt with it fine, and you will too.
And after the baby is born, your mother will be so excited to hold him or her, and love them and play with them, that she'll forget she's supposed to feel old now that she's a grandmother, or that she thought you should wait.
2006-07-20 20:37:30 · answer #2 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this may be the best thing that could happen to you. She can rant and rave all she wants now and the edge will be off by the time you get pregnant. My mom's reaction when I told her I was pregnant was devastating to me and I was never able to put it out of my mind, I was about your age and very ready to be a mother. This caused a rift in our relationship for years even though she was so excited when our son was born.
When my son told me that he and his girlfriend, they are both 20 and unmarried, were expecting I took a breath and decided to be excited because I was NOT going to have that memory overshadowing the birth of my first grandchild. I am so glad now I babysit 2 days a week and he spends at least 2 nights a week with us.
I would sit down and tell your mom that this a firm plan and will go ahead with or without her approval and that though you need her in your life more than ever at this time her attitude will govern how much time you can spend with her because right now your first and foremost concern will be your baby's well being and that means a healthy pregnancy as free of stress as possible.
I am so sorry that this can't be a totally happy time for you as it should be. Good Luck
2006-07-20 10:45:27 · answer #3 · answered by G-Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are an adult and if you think that you are ready physically, emotionally and financially then it is your choice. Your mom can be upset and that is her right but if she loves you she will be supportive and understand that you are an adult and this is your life. Everyone is going to have oppinions good ones and bad ones about everything you do in your life you have to just learn how to listen take into concideration what they say and do what you think is best. You may not always be right but that is part of life and learning. I don't think that you should avoid your mom I think you should go out to lunch and include her in your plans now that it is out. Maybe telling her your game plan will ease her mind. She just loves you and wants whats best for you, but I think at this point if you don't include her as soon a possible it could really hurt her feelings. Your her baby girl and some parents have a hard time letting thier children grow up. Try to be understanding of that. Good luck to you:)
2006-07-20 10:14:32 · answer #4 · answered by Knock Knock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband are ready, try not to let you Mom get you down. In a prefect world, everyone would be thrilled about babies, but that isn't always the case. It sounds like your Mom might need to grow up a bit because she seems to want to be the focus of attention. You can't change her, so be happy with your choice!!
BTW-My husband and I are expecting #5 and I am not yet 30. We have chosen NOT to tell MIL and FIL because we know they won't be supportive. We are happy, the kids are happy, so why ask for the negativity? Since they are out of state-it isn't an issue of them noticing the growing belly.
2006-07-20 10:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by 1hotmama5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mother is a b*tch if you ask me. You are an adult and married and if you and your husband are ready for children then screw what she thinks. Maybe the best thing to do is avoid her or let her know that it's your life and if she chooses she doesn't have to take part. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she kept her comments and opinions to herself. Don't let her get you down. You're old enough to make your own decisions and if she has a problem with it she can stay away.
2006-07-20 10:23:18 · answer #6 · answered by ktpb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your a grown woman and you and your husband have a right to do whatever you want. It's safer to have a baby now in the age group your in, because the older you get the more chances of down syndrome and other disabilities. Do what you want and don't worry about what other people think or feel. sounds like your mom is just controlling sit and try to talk to her, tell that your grown and you can do whatever you feel either she can support you and your decisions, of she can be left out. You shouldn't have to put you life on hold for her convince.
2006-07-20 14:36:22 · answer #7 · answered by yalonda w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell your mother when ever she makes negative comments about pregnancy. This isn't about her!!! and to stop being selfish. That this is your life and your decision, if she's got a problem with you having a child then she can just not be a part of the child's life until she's ready to be a grandmother.
2006-07-20 10:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this isn't your mom's determination. that is yours. Your mom has the right, as your mom, to help your judgements, and to furnish her enter as to why she would not experience that that is a tremendous theory. she will have the capacity to't push you away for it, although, except she's only being unfair and getting disillusioned that you're too old for her to administration. imagine about the the reason why she did not favor you to marry your husband. If there's a good reason for it, perchance she would not favor you to have youthful ones till you comprehend that you're certain that your marriage will artwork. 24 is a smooth age to marry, now, and typically situations, marriages that youthful bring about divorce. inspite of the actuality that, like I stated, your mom may only be disillusioned that she has no administration over the priority, or SHE'S only no longer waiting to be a grandmother. there are countless the reason why she may be performing like this.
2016-10-15 00:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well does your mother care how you feel about having a baby? If not, of course you've gotta tell her that you would love a child of your own and it's about you and your husband, not about your mother not wanting to be a grandma because of her age or whatever else! What you want should be important to your mom and she shouldn't be selfish about the matter. You deserve is happiness and especially a child of your own...
2006-07-20 10:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by Courtney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋