Over the past couple weeks I had been planning an outing with the H for our 10th year anniversary. I was to handle all details except the child care for which he was supposed to handle. He never got around to it and when the day came to celebrate he was upset because I never reminded him to make the arrangements for the child care and we ended up doing nothing. Am wrong for thinking that since a 10 anniversary year is a big deal for me it would be for him too? And that he would've made arrangements in a timely manner?
2006-07-20 09:53:39 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
False expectations? Men are not comfortable with arranging childcare? So, when he's not confortable with anything should it be left to me? I am not comfortable with changing the oil in my car ( cleaning a potential oil spill is something I hate dealing with) yet I don't go crying to the H to do it.
2006-07-20 15:41:52 · update #1
No you are not wrong. You had a deal and he failed on his and tried to blame you. Based on this I wonder about all the other aspects of your marriage. 10 years is a big one!!!
2006-07-20 09:57:22 · answer #1 · answered by watty 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Don't beat him to bad for this. 10 years are a big deal and it is probably to him to. He probably just forgot, Men often need reminded of things I am sure after 10 years this is not the only thing he has forgotten. You took it upon your self to make sure every thing else was done maybe he thought you were taking care of the kids to. If you guys had a bad day it was because you couldn't let his mistake go. Crap happens you need to make the best out of every situation. It doesn't matter where you spent your anniversary as long as you spent it together. Next time you might try asking him ahead of time if he took care of his part of the arrangements. Communication is always the key to a good relationship. I hope next year you get the anniversary you have always counted on, just remember is not where your at but who your with.
2006-07-20 17:04:39 · answer #2 · answered by Wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, he owes you big time ! Can u say diamonds? Italy? Hawaii?
Seriously though, I actually agree with "Wandermind". Why didn't you give him something more masculine to do instead of finding a babysitter. For example : Finding a hotel would have let him exert his masculinity by haggling over prices and ammenities with the hotel staff.
Women naturally would know whom would be more fitting as a babysitter than men would. Men don't know what the best ANYTHING is, much less something they're not familiar with like a babysitter !
Men are dense! Learn this, sister!
When you need him to do something, give him the phone number and a date by which to have it done. Then remind him everyday how many days he has left to do it before you clobber him!
That's what I do with my hubby. Been married 14 years and counting! : D
2006-07-20 17:24:17 · answer #3 · answered by Mary* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, but what happened is so typical! Guys are the very worse about things like that! They do not hold anniversaries in the same light as us women do. It's not that he doesn't care, its just really not that big of a deal to him and so making arrangements for the children slipped his mind. Now if there was a UFC fight on that night, of course he would have remembered to find a sitter, but for an anniversary.....get outta here.......Anyways, what happened to you, happens to all of us......he is not meaning to be insensitive, he's a man!
2006-07-20 16:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Sounds familiar!
My least favorite thing to do in planning a date with my husband is finding the child care. Must be my husband's too. He flakes in the same way. So, although I dont like finding the babysitters I do it anyway....even if he is supposed to. "Dont worry Babe,I got it covered"....without anger or malice. He's pretty happy with that.
Yes, I believe that any anniversary that you feel is very important-is. What I have found in these last 12 years with my husband is
If it is that important to me then I make the plans....no big deal.
He just loves it. Yes. I would like him to want to make the plans but he's so good to me in other ways why make a stink about it.
Therefore My attitude is do for him what I want done for me...period. We are both blessed.
So, back to your situation. My suggestion:
~celebrate your 10th anniversary late
~plan everything....babysitter too
~go on your date or whatever
~enjoy him and yourself
You can celebrate your 10thh anniversary any time you want.
I hope this helps you
If you want to ask any questions about what I wrote just write in the message section on this page
Good luck
2006-07-20 17:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not wrong. he should have remembered. your anniversary IS a big deal, and it should have been on his mind, since it is so important. i am sorry that such an important day for you didn't go as it was supposed to.
and he had the nerve to get angry with you for not reminding him? he should have considered how important this was, and made the arrangements. he was the wrong one , but got upset with you?
i have heard of cases where the anniversary seems to be more important to the wife than to the husband. it is really sad.
2006-07-20 17:02:43 · answer #6 · answered by realstylesint'l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you aren't wrong for thinking that, but if he has ever shown that he needs reminding of things like that, then it's almost seems like you set him up for failure here... i mean if you knew he wasn't making any plans, or even bothered checking...come on now.... and yeah unfortunately guys do not care as much about those sort of things as women do.... it's not really that we don't care, but the tenth anniversary is just not as big of a deal to us, it's just time gone by, why do we need a specific day to show the person how we care, i mean if I've stuck around for 10 yrs, and all is well, and you know i still love you, then why do I have to go all out on this one specific day.... it's just different for a guy.
2006-07-20 17:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are wrong for thinking that because *anything* is a big deal for you, it will automatically for one for him. Even married couples often have very different assumptions about what is obviously important, and what isn't. The important thing is to not assume he knows, and give him the 411 often - you'll start to develop a feel for what he has an idea about, and what he doesn't. It usually isn't about the anniversary; it's about what it stands for, and his neglect of that date may make you feel as though *you* aren't important. Let go of the anniversary thing, and tell him instead about what his neglect seems to mean to you, and you'll get a better idea of what's going on with him.
2006-07-20 16:59:52 · answer #8 · answered by ghost orchid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you don't need to remind him at all for last 10 years of marriage he knows when the anniversary and he already know his job to get day care..
Me 9 years of marriage and I have no plm remember and I never well we never take kids to day care or babysitter we have them with us. Why becasue we love our family and want them with us... if leave home my gosh I remember that we were so bord when my daughter was 1 year old and we left her grandma and arrive and sit the table and notice that we not happy and she asked me missed Violet? I said yeah missed her I want her here. I don't know if you do? she said yeah me too and so we left and pick her up and then went back to same resturant and funny thing is that wife was 3 month prg. haha.
I mean come on dude and plus he over reacting about upset want you to remind him.. come on dude 10 years... if 2 years and I understand that. but 10 years damn. Me and my wife always remember anniversary smiling.
I am sorry that you missed your first 10 years anniversary and I do hope that both of you be able to make up even it late or very late. I do wish you luck for better 11th anniversary. Smiling Don't give up.
2006-07-20 17:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have. But I know many men that arent as sentimental and things of that nature tend to not be placed in its proper perspective. You have been together 10 years and he has grown used to you taking care of such things. He loves you but takes you for granted. Get agrip on this now or the years comming will only get worse.
2006-07-20 16:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are like that, don't pay too much attention. We are the once who like anniversaries and details. Sure it's pissing you off, I think it's lack of communication. You should talk more to him about how you REALLY feel. Otherwise it will be all the same everytime. Good luck!
2006-07-20 16:58:12 · answer #11 · answered by JoseN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋