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My best friend and his wife are trying for their first kid. His wife is cool, but she has a theory that only her hubby can touch the nipple. She feels it is a sexual thing and not for the baby. So she will not be breast feeding. Also she wont even be feeding the baby breast milk even via a bottle. Right away she will feed the baby manufactured milk. My bubby is cool with this. Am I the only one that finds this VERY disturbing? How can you purposely NOT give your kid the best foods to eat?!?!? My feeling is, is that when she becomes pregnant, her maternal instincts will kick in, and she will change her mind. But what happens if it doesn't? Is there anything I can do to convince them? Can anybody suggest information that we can read arguing the pros and cons of feeding the baby manufactured milk? Thank you very much with your answers.

2006-07-20 09:27:33 · 16 answers · asked by torylocker 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting Newborn & Baby

16 answers

Consider that about only 85% of mothers in the US breastfeed and in Canada (evidently your home country) its closer to about 70%. With a little research, you will also find that in Canada, as recently as the 1960’s the rate was closer to about 50%. I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly believe that half the Canadian population born in the 60’s has grown into this inferior bunch of beings…but to listen to those who say its despicable to not breastfeed your baby you will think so. Does that really seem logical to you?

Does this mean breastfeeding isn’t the best way? Certainly not, it merely means that there is no conclusive long term evidence that is has any affect at all.

We live in a society where the medical and nutritional professions can’t seem to come to dependable conclusions on what is even best for the average human diet. Depending on who you talk to in the nutritional industry, you are either told, low fat diet, low carb diet, high protein diet, or any of a hundred other supposedly informed diets. If the medical and nutritional professions are still this unclear and unsure as to what nutrients and proportions are best for humans in general, how can anyone say with certainty that we truly know what is best for children in the long run. For all we know, too many nutrients in the body prevents the body from building up the right protections against many of the allergies that are prominent today.

What happened to the old saying, “what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.” ??? The fact is, it is alive and well in the medical profession when preventative injections are administered. Take small pox for instance, the way to best prevent it is to actually introduce the body to a bit of it so that the body builds up immunity. Who is to say that babies should not be more exposed to things early on to build up proper immunities on their own? Who is too say that the perfect nutrients found in breast milk for a long period of time might weaken the child’s ability to defend itself later in life. I am not saying I think that true or not, I am saying that it is certainly something to think about that gives the opposing view enough legitimacy to not exactly be “disturbing”.

I know, as many of the replies to your question have already proven, that you will get a number of so called unselfish all knowing mothers who think it’s totally morally corrupt to suggest their breasts were meant for anything other than to serve their baby. I can’t even say I blame them as I would probably feel the same if I had all those motherly hormones rushing through my body. Who is to say they are wrong? But there are also a number who think they were put on this earth for the sole purpose of having babies. That’s fine, but what right does it give those same women to chastise women who feel their bodies are sexual as oppose to baby producing machines? Then there are those who will side with whatever view is the most convenient for them. Imagine if breastfeeding was 10 times as costly and much less convenient, how many mothers would still uphold to the ritual? Some would, nearly all will say they would, but the reality is a great portion would suddenly not feel so strongly because that is human nature and people tend to beleive the easiest answer is the best answer.

In looking for an intelligent answer to your question, and looking over some of the replies, you should consider that responses to any emotionally posed question will fall into one of the following groups:

1 - Those who believe that if the masses believe something, its fact
2 - Those who first form an opinion then search for evidence to support their already made up minds while refusing to accept anything to the contrary
3 - Those who choose to take the easiest, most convenient, and/or cheapest option and then argue on its behalf to substantiate their choice, convincing themselves their choice is moral despite the fact it had nothing to do with morality that led them to their decision in the first place
4 - Those who do lots of research before they make up their minds and make informed decisions on unbiased facts

This applies to many subjects, but its evident many here fall into these categories. Of course, ALL will claim to be in the last group #4 because to do otherwise would be admitting some form of ignorance, but the reality is the bulk of people, as with most views, do not fall into #4.

Just look at one of the more recent answers where, referring to those with an opposing view to her, she exclaimed “I don’t understand people’s logic” yet then proceeded to call them “idiots”. While I am guessing this was just said in jest and she is more than likely a decent person, the reality is this style of coming to a conclusion is absurd and perfect evidence of not being in category #4 mentioned above. Can you imagine coming to any conclusion without understanding both sides of the argument, without knowing the opposing view? How can anyone honestly say with any confidence they are right (as is done with the conviction in a lot of these answers) yet not even “understand” the opposing point of view? This may be the very definition of ignorance. Have you really examined the opposing point of view in depth with an open mind, or was your mind made up having only heard one side?

As stated at the start of this answer, there is a logical conclusion for why some believe breastfeeding is not needed. Whether you believe it or not is another matter, the fact is that some feel different and there is enough logical reasoning to support that. Believe what you need, but don’t ignorantly dismiss the opposing points of view as “idiots’ or “disturbing” as that might become a self fulfilling prophesy.

I really wonder (and am surprised there has been no mention of it), what is your view of the atmosphere this baby would be born into? Is it a positive atmosphere? Is it a happy marriage? Is there anything to lead you to believe there could be harm brought to the baby? Are they likely to be good parents? Are they financially capable? Aren’t these questions that you find equally if not more important than the food the baby will eat for the first 6 months of its life? Some might find it “disturbing” if you didn’t place more importance on these issues than that which you question.

As for influencing your friend, consider that throughout history the most influential people were those who first respected the views of others before asserting their own. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your friend insisted you and your wife should not breast feed your baby and called your actions “disturbing”? Would that cause you to listen with an open mind or would you tell your friend to take a hike? I think we know the answer. The point is, just because you think you are right doesn’t make it so, and you need to respect that you could be wrong, and ultimately right or wrong, that decision is really none of your business until your opinion is asked for. Asserting an opinion that was not asked for, especially with something so intimate as raising a child, does not align itself with wisdom. If you think you are absolutely right, lead by example and hope for the best. That is the most sincere approach any person can make. That approach will get you far in life in regards to the respect of others and any influence you might have.

2006-07-23 12:09:46 · answer #1 · answered by Marcello 2 · 1 1

Of course breast milk is fantastic but it is not a cure all. Sugest that you friend gives it a go, her sexual thing will disappear during labour, if it gets that far. The antibodies in colostrum, early milk, is great for babies and there is nothing like it available in the shops.

Be aware though that milk is not the only thing that babies need, it is a small contribution to the mamoth task of raising a child.
If she feeds baby well and cares and educates her, doesn't smoke around her, gives her good food when she starts solids, talks and signs to her, cuddles her and shows her as much of life as she can, the milk thing wont matter at all.

The breast is best thing is created because so many mothers throw their children in front of the TV and feed them convenience foods from the minute they can that anything the health services can do to help the child is seen as a good thing. If this is not your friend, then worry not.

If you really want to kill the sexual thing, find a way of making her hubby suck her nipples after about 30 weeks, if this doesn't kill thee roamnce, nothing will!

2006-07-20 16:38:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

check out lalecheleague.org they are the best source for all things breast milk

Other than that relax either her maternal instincts will take over or they won't many healthy babies have been raised without breast milk. She may give in to breast feeding just to releave the pain of not. Engorgment is never fun. The last thing you need to do is give a new mother a guilt trip because then her postpartem, hormones can make her suicidal, homicidal, or ever throw her over the edge and she may cause harm to the baby. Help her don't criticize.

True Breast is best but not the only option. Also don't forget formula is higher in iron and vitamins D than breastmilk. Check out the sight.

2006-07-20 16:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

First of all what is important is a happy and healthy baby. The formulas now are very good and have all the dietary needs of a baby. If your friend's wife is uncomfortable, for what ever reason, with breastfeeding then she should NEVER be pressured to do so. Her discomfort will have a direct effect on the baby. Breastfeeding is a very personal and private decision as well as a great commitment. What many people who haven't breastfed don't understand it is a physically painful process you get cracked and bleeding nipples, as well as having to be on call 24/7 for months on end. I chose to breastfeed my children and wouldn't have given up the experience for anything in the world but it was not easy especially with the first. "Maternal instincts cover lots of things not just feedings. I just wish society would support new moms no matter what method of feeding there are lots of fantastic moms out there that formula feed. If your friend is willing to support his wife's decision who are you to judge them? Please if you care about this new family try to be supportive.

2006-07-20 16:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by G-Mommy 3 · 0 0

There is a great book called Milk Money and Madness, about the issues in artificially feeding babies. Breastmilk is far and away the best food for babies, and formula isn't even a close second. You can also read the chapters in The Crazy Makers for information about how second-rate formula is. Breastmilk is the only food a baby will get that has living enzymes which promote healthy brain development. Period. Since your friend's wife isn't even pregnant yet, there is plenty of time for her to educate herself. I think people mostly forumla feed because they haven't bothered to educate themselves, honestly. Or for convienience. Surely a child's wellfare should outweigh an adult's little inconvieniences.

2006-07-20 16:33:01 · answer #5 · answered by mylittletribe 3 · 0 0

Very disturbing the way she thinks. The best you can do as a friend is give her as much information as possible. Usually mothers who don't breastfeed or don't want to are not informed on how different breastmilk is from formula. They think it's the same which is soooo not true. If they open their eyes they can realize that formulas are constantly adding crap so it can be "like breastmilk". Gross!! I hope your friend gets over this, it's not her fault. This stupid society has made our babies grow up with inferior nutrition because of its hangups. Don't push it too much, just slowly inform her. That's how I was taught. I was formula fed and thought breastfeeding was weird until a great friend sent me some info, i took classes and then questioned my mom about why she didn't breastfeed me. She gave me the classic "i didn't have enough milk" bullcrap but then why was my younger sister breastfed?..so she was not educated as a lot of people. Anyway i'm rambling as usual..good luck!

2006-07-20 17:23:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I didnt breastfeed and i was stuck on that since the day i found out i was pregnant.

i used nestle goodstart DHA ARA which is the closest thing to breastmilk you can buy. and its Very inexpensive...

I did it for the reason i wanted dad and grandma/grandpa to beable to feed her too. it gives them some closeness to her like i have.

and now shes 14 months and healthier then any breastfed baby i know! shes also very close with Grandma.grandpa. mom/dad..aunt everyone.

Manufactured milk is just as good if not better then breast in my opinion. also some people dont have the ability to breastfeed..there bodys end up not producing any/enough milk.

2006-07-20 16:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by mommy2savannah51405 6 · 0 0

Yes, I think it is very sad that some people refuse to even try to breastfeed their babies. It's one of the very best things that you can do for a child and provides so many health benefits to both mom and baby.

A really good book for people who are on the fence about breastfeeding to read is "So THAT'S What They're For" by Janet Tamaro. It's humorous and not pushy, very informative and a good, quick read. Maybe give them a copy of it?

If you are comfortable talking to them about it, you could mention that EVERY DROP that the baby gets is important and try to encourage her to at least try for the couple of days she is in the hospital so that the baby will at least get the colostrum, which is SO VERY IMPORTANT and provides so many benefits. Maybe if you could convince her to at least try it for those couple of days, maybe she'd change her mind. If not...well...at least the baby might get some colostrum.

Some good links below.....

2006-07-20 17:19:16 · answer #8 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 0 0

o.k. first,
good info on breastfeeding you can find on le leche league's website.

second, please don't be that person who tries to parent someone else's child and tries to get others to believe in everything you believe in. i am not trying to be harsh here, but maybe there are circumstances that prevent her from breastfeeding and she doesn't feel they are any of your business.
frankly, as a pregnant woman, i can understand where she is coming from! the thought of breastfeeding kind of weirds me out, too. however, i will attempt to nurse my baby even if the thought of it makes me a little uncomfortable, right now. i say attempt b/c i had breast reduction a few years ago and i don't even know if i can breastfeed. now, i'm not shy about discussing this, but what if your neighbor had a similar situation and wants to keep it to herself??? i'm sure you marching over there like the breastmilk nazi will not make her feel like opening up.

so, if she doesn't feel comfortable with breastfeeding, then let it go! i mean, she's not going to starve her baby by putting it on formula right away. i've known a lot of women who decided breastfeeding just wasn't for them.
it doesn't make them bad moms...AT ALL!

gosh, how would you feel to have your neighbor chastize your feelings on something personal like nursing your baby?? you probably wouldn't like it very much, so try to step outside of your box for a minute and think about how you are going to make her feel.

you're right, she may change her mind once the baby is born, but still, that decision is hers to make...no yours.

please, don't be so judgemental of other people. we are all living on this earth trying to live our lives the way that is best for us....not necessarily everyone else-k?

please take care and take a minute before you talk to someone about something that isn't any of your business.

2006-07-20 16:45:16 · answer #9 · answered by joey322 6 · 0 0

I have had two children now 9 and 3 and did NOT breastfeeed either of them. Very time consuming etc... they are not dumb they are both advaced in education and speaking very articulate and have had no medical problems. My nephew and neice were BOTH breastfed and are sick all the time and the oldest 4 still cant speak well or potty train. so... i feel it makes no difference. Whats best for one is not always the best for all You did what you wanted. now let them do what they want. I have h ad no problems at all with my children

2006-07-20 16:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by jen2697 1 · 0 0

My friend is the same way,and she's had three kids.She says the thought of breastfeeding makes her sick.I think it's crazy to see breasts as more sexual than nurturing.I mean,they aren't there for sex,they're there to feed babies.It's actually warped to see them as sexual.I'm a breastfeeding mom on my second,and I think it's bad,but what can you do?You can't force someone.It's their choice and their body.

2006-07-20 16:35:25 · answer #11 · answered by kimberli 4 · 0 0

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