Even if it is for the best for them? I know it isn't my life and it's none of my business but i can't help seeing them unhappy. My parents have been married for about 30 years...my mom is unhappy and my father is just a couch potato. I love them both to death and i don't want them to divorce. They don't bother to fix the problem,so i want to. Is it wrong?
2006-07-20 09:20:28 · 16 answers · asked by Jasmine 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
If u are changing a person for their own benifits and they are also willing to cooperate with u, it will be better..
My bf said i have some big problems and i need to change for good; I discussed and realise it is really true. So i'm trying to change.. So it depends on both parties; 1 hand can not clap right?
bUT I feel that the relationship between 2 couples is a different thing. It is better not to interrupt, as u may do it in the wrong way and mess the whole thing up. U can offer some help like asking them to go out together as a family for a picnic or what.. See if can bring them togthe more? Or u organize a family trip to fishing, trekking, travelling... If they refuse all the offers, i think there is no way to solve the problem
2006-07-20 16:10:36 · answer #1 · answered by a V a 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is your life, and your business to watch out for your parents, just as they watch out for you. What you are asking for is not to change who they are, but to change their behavior towards each other. That is possible within a mariage.
You haven't said how old you are, or they are, or other things about the situation -- are they retired? Kids at home? Sometimes major life changes bring a couple closer together or farther apart, or suddenly having time on their hands makes hidden problems come out.
Others are right -- nothing will really change unless they want it to. They may be refusing to acknowledge there is a problem. Some people can live their entire lives in a dysfunctional but stable pattern. Maybe, for all the unhappiness you see in your mother she is content to be where she is, they love each other still, and your father is content to be a couch potato.
There are a lot of books and resources for children whose parents are fighting, unhappy, divorcing, etc. I don't know if there are any for adults but it's worth taking a look, perhaps worth consulting these references for some insight. You're not the one who needs counseling but maybe you can find a marriage/couples counselor who can tell you what your options are here and whether or not you can make a difference.
If you intervene in order to get them out of their complacency, it could make them see how bad their situation is. If they see things more clearly it could make it more likely rather than less likely they get a divorce. How would you feel about their divorcing, if it makes them both happier?
Whether you're married or still single, learn from your parents and don't let yourself get into the same situation.
2006-07-20 17:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Monso Orda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wrong for you to try to "fix" a problem that neither one of them may see. Your parents may be happy with their rut in life. How do you know your mom is unhappy? And if she is, how do you know it is because of your father? There are many things in life that could cause unhappiness besides her husband: work, kids, friends. activities, etc. If she is unhappy and it is because your father doesnt do anything, then you can either try to find an activity they will both enjoy or just find one your mom will like. Married people don't have to do everything together, it is perfectly acceptable to have different hobbies.
A kid can't fix the problems between their parents though, you need to realize that. While it isn't "wrong" it certainly won't be helpful.
2006-07-20 16:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really change people, unless they want to change themselves. What you might be able to do though is spend more time w/your mom outdoors, talk to her, just spend time w/her and talk to her about whatever she wants to talk about. Don't even bring up the divorce. Let her vent. As for your dad, do the same, spend sometime w/him, even if watching a movie, talk to him, see if they both notice the problem. You can hint at how each other feel, by saying, "oh, i noticed mom was a lil sad today" or "oh, i noticed dad wanted someone to talk to about the movie today". You know something like that. You might not be able to change them, but you can sure help them.
2006-07-20 16:39:30 · answer #4 · answered by kayrrie101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jasmine, it is never wrong to want to see your parents happy and content. The problem arises when we think they aren't. Sometimes poeple get in a rut (which is just a grave with the ends kicked out of it) and think this is what life is all about. If you want to see them happy, tell them that you have a guy you are interested in and he is 12 years older than you. Watch how they shine when they come together to guide and counsel you (that is, after the yelling and tears stop).
2006-07-20 16:28:23 · answer #5 · answered by gratifythespirit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe what you are doing is right and it is for your parents and your family's benefit then YES, YOU SHOULD DO IT.
But your own judgement is not enough. Ask for others' opinions and help. And don't start by changing anybody. Start with the situation. Start with the little things that would lighten up the atmosphere. Start with some simple saying that would bring them closer together. Small steps first! Good luck!
2006-07-20 17:29:52 · answer #6 · answered by Mercii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is wrong to want to change those your love. You just have to let them think it is their idea, or at least partially. Bring things in slowly. Change things for them slowly. But the trick is to know when you need to step away from the situation and let them deal with it themselves. Maybe you could start with your mother. Start doing things with her that make her happy. Maybe a makeover together :-)
it might even get your Dad off the couch !
2006-07-20 16:25:47 · answer #7 · answered by ldylopes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They won't change unless they want to change. You can tell them what's bothering you, and ask for their help. You may find that things aren't as bad between them as you thought, or it may make them face the problem. Either way, you're right--it's their choice, and even though it may affect you, you'll have to accept their decision.
2006-07-20 16:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by cross-stitch kelly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to speak to them each individually to see if the problem can be fixed. They are probably in a rut and don't know what to do about it.
2006-07-20 16:33:30 · answer #9 · answered by Cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's futile for you to try to change them...or change anyone !!!after all of those years they would have changed themselves before now if they wanted to....most times the familiar is more comfortable than change.....just learn from them so you won't make the same mistakes they did...love and ACCEPT the way they are..
2006-07-20 19:05:35 · answer #10 · answered by Happy Summer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋