I'm stll hurt and confused!! Please help! What should I do?

Question

Chris = boyfriend
Paige = "friend"

For awhile now, I told Piage that I would call her (since about a month ago or so), but I can't. For the past, I don't know how long, all I've been thinking about is what REALLY happened between Paige and Chris. In Paige's side of the story, Chris asked her out, but she said no. In Chris's side of the story, SHE asked HIM out, but he said no. Then I just found out a few weeks ago that they both said yes and that they were going to go out (while he was still dating me) but decided against it.

Now if you don't know what I'm talking about, back in January/February Chris and Paige had this thing together and were going behind my back talking and flirting and all that. Which really hurt me when I found out and I got so many different sides and I still don't know the truth.

So I'm really confused and upset. What the hell do I believe? Both have lied to me so many times. I mean how far did they really go? Did they just talk like they said they jus tdid, or did they hold hands? Did they hug? Kiss? That's what's really bothering me. HOW FAR DID THEY GO?!?! Because, really, I have no idea. It is just so hard to trust him!

Every now and again the whole Paige and Chris thing pops into my head (since it happend 6-7 months ago) and I just get upset and my heart breaks all over again and I just cry. He really doesnt understand how much pain and hurt I went through when they were going to hook up. And that's another thing. How do I really know if they hooked up or not? If they kissed or hugged or even had sex? He doesnt know how much it still hurts me. I just want to know the truth!

I really don't know what to do. I can't trust him. I'm always paranoid that he's still talking to Paige or that he's talking to other girls, even on email/computer. I talk to guys on the computer, but I mean the kind of talking where you actually like them and are interested in them. I can't express, or fully express, how long the Piage and Chris thing still hurts and upsets me. I can't get past it. I mean since it happened, I've thought about it at least a few times a week. That's a lot of times to rehurt for 6 months.

What should I do!?!?!

P.S. I love him so much and I KNOW he loves me. He treats me like a queen. I know I have to ask what happened, but I cant. It's so hard!

Answer 1

Ok Let it all go...If you feel he loves you.....Then love him enough to let it go....Dont have to know policy~no drama

Answer 2

The more you obsess about this, the worse the situation will get. Guys have a tendency to get tired of insecure, clingy females, and I'm sorry to say, that's the way you sound.

If you want Chris back, you have to start respecting yourself--and that means insisting that Chris show respect for you. You say he treats you like a queen? Well, if you call being lied to, evaded, and cheated on with another girl being treated like a queen, well, I wonder what it would take for you to realize you're being treated like a doormat.

Hold your head high and insist that Chris treat you with respect. That means no lying, half-truths or running around behind your back. If he can't or won't do that, DUMP HIM!! You will find someone else who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

By the way, dump Paige. She's no friend.

Answer 3

Both of them damaged your trust. You can love the bejeezus out of him, but trust isn't an easy thing to get back. It takes a lot of time.

You should confront him directly, and without attacking him you should tell him that with his and Paige's conflicting stories, you're finding it hard to trust him. If his response sounds like he's trying to hide something, then he probably is. But if you honestly believe him, and you believe that he is trustworthy in this case, then you shouldn't sabotage the relationship by looking for flaws elsewhere.

Answer 4

How about this. Dont ever Talk to her again and forget about him. Come On If you cant trust him whats the point on still loving him. Just go on with your life without them 2. All there just gonna cause is more pain for you.

Answer 5

you will never get the real truth!! quit wasting your time!! Im going through the same thing kind of except my problem is myspace "I hate it" But if you love him I hate to say this you just have to except it for what it is! Yeah I know it sucks because we are both setting ourselves up for heart ache in the long run but I think is normal most people in todays society live for today and not for the future!! Email me back if you wanna talk aboutr this!! TRUST me I know how you feel!! I feel the same way!! You hate him one min. and say your done but as soon as you see him you make excuse of why you wwanna be with him!! And lose her because she is not your friend!!

Answer 6

girl, the exact same thing happened to me when i was in high school. the best advice i can give you is to try to find out from other friends that you trust, what has happened between them... but regardless of what you find out, accept that there has clearly been some mutual interest between them in the past, which could be acted on in the future -- and that you can never trust either of them fully, again.

in my case, my situation ended up ruining most of my junior year of high school... just like you, i would think about it all the time, obsess over it, and words would echo through my head over and over, remembering details she told me, and picturing them together, etc. this went on for months and months, my memories as vivid over time as when i'd first found out.

senior year, i basically had to make a whole new set of friends. in other words, i was forced to make lemonade with the lemons i got.

but when i look back on it now, at 28, the best advice i would've given my high school self is honestly that:

1) i was a *million* times stronger, cooler, funnier, more interesting, fun, and beautiful than i was giving myself credit for.

2) he didn't realize what a gem he was giving up by treating me that way.

3) this was truly my best friend in the world, and at the time, she didn't realize what an awesome friendship she lost (and actually, she *has* realized it since, and tried many times to rekindle the friendship... but i still don't trust her).

bottom line, since i can't go back and tell my high school self these things, i'm telling you. the best gift you can give yourself is to move on from them both, establish new friendships, strengthen existing friendships with people who don't hang out with either of them, and become part of a supportive social network. at that point, go out, hang out, and enjoy meeting new guys! forget these two, because it sounds like they're honestly not worthy of you or your trust.

oh, and 1 more thing. although i realize you're not quite in the anger stage, and still in the panicking and hurting stage, remember the old addage:

"the best revenge is living well."

anyway, the best thing about that is that living well is also liberating, fun, and healthy. so be strong, remember how great you are, and enjoyyyyy the things you do have.

another thing i realized much later, is that, as sick as it sounds, part of their very attraction to each other *was* the fact that it was hurting me, and was "forbidden" in a way. i know for a fact if i hadn't been so upset/hurt/hung around for so long reacting to it, it either wouldn't have happened in the first place, and/or wouldn't have gone as deep and as far as it did (not to scare you, but they ended up dating for three years).

i've SO been there, and although it hurt me like i'd never been hurt before in my life, i survived! and i honestly believe everything i wrote above.

anyway, take care, good luck, and if you want to email me for more advice, feel free. :)

Answer 7

My ex told me that she was hanging out with her work friends, but that everything was innocent. It drove us apart and after a three year relationship she went one month before she started dating someone else. I guess what I'm getting at is where there is smoke there is fire. He may love you, but if it were meant to be then the doubt shouldn't be there. I would move on, but I hope whatever you do works out for you.

Answer 8

If he treats you like a queen, he wouldn't be dicking you around with Paige. He doesn't sound trustworthy. I'd lose him

Answer 9

Move on. You obviously can't trust either one of them. You don't deserve the heartache or the headache. It's way past time to be good to yourself.

Answer 10

If he loved you, he would have never put you through this. I say forget them both. You are never going to be able to trust either one ever again. Move on.

Answer 11

OK, first, this is the "make-up" section, not the "relationship" section. Two, Paige is no friend.