I have recently realized that my husband has been verbally and emotionally abusing me for years and I am making plans to take the kids and get out, but it's taking longer than I want to go through the legalities, etc. and I can't tell him what's going on, obviously. He wants to talk tonight about how we feel things are going in the relationship and I don't want to. I don't know how to hide what I am feeling and doing. Don't know what to say to him. Do I pretend I am feeling that everything is fine?? Help!
2006-07-20 08:43:48 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clrify, I have already tried many times to get him to go to counseling, which he refuses, he refuses to take any responsibility in the situation, refuses to admit he's doing anything wrong....I know that him trying to be sensitive is just part of the abuse cycle, but now that I recognize that, it's not easy to "pretend" that I don't! No amount of talking will do any good now...he's just going to try to talk me out of leaving if I let him know my plans.....
2006-07-20 08:56:50 · update #1
GIRLFRIEND! you are right it is part of the abuse cycle. He is manipulating you, and good for you for finally seeing through it. Have the talk, let him talk, listen, agree or disagree whatever you think HE wants to hear...just for now...just until you can break free, WHATEVER makes it easier on you! Make it quick tho girl! Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical. It takes longer to heal to. Be safe, don't loose your cool. This is YOUR one and only life you are trying to reclaim.
Screw all those people with comments that are slammin you.
2006-07-20 09:06:21 · answer #1 · answered by bubba 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, you cannot tell him. I was in the exact same situation with my ex husband and I just played the role that everything was alright and finally one day when I had everything in order to leave, my kids and I just left. There was allot of drama from him at first, but he had a new girlfriend so quick that he basically proved that me leaving WAS the best thing. But if you tell him ahead of time what you're planning, he'll just find a way to make it harder than it already is. I'm not saying that when you have your talk you have to pretend that everything is perfect. You can tell him some of the ways that he's hurt your feelings lately, but give no hints that you are leaving. This way when he tries to run a guilt trip on you when you actually leave, you can remind him of how many times you told him how you felt and he continued to hurt you. Good luck! Oh yeah, just so you know it has worked out great for me and my children since we left four years ago. There have been times that I wondered if I did the right thing (with children involved) and there are times that I get very emotional about the past, but overall we are allot happier at home and our home is much more stable, which is better for the kids. They were hurt really bad at first, but his actions show them as time goes by that they are better off not living with him. I don't ever have to say anything bad about him in their presence, because he shows them hisself.
2006-07-20 16:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by jennymustafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a mind set. Good! You know the right road. Keep this in mind. You are mentally detaching, before you can physically leave. Continue to be smart. Its all a act now any how. Keep things steady and as harmonious as possible. This allows you less stress, and more time to store energy for the actual separation. If he wants to talk to night. Be cordial and accommodating. Agree with things, and get this behind you. Some times using strategy as your tool is more beneficial than leverage. Lolling him into a false sense of security is your best plan. The benefits will keep you mentally healthy. I hope the very best for you and your kids. Lean on God. Prayer is the best solution of all.
2006-07-20 16:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen what he has to say and don't show fear and he knows that somehting is not right and just do what you normally do with your husband and then when it time then wait for him to go to work and then you pack everything and get out. DO not call until you like 2 hrs from him or better yet 4 or 6 hrs then you call him tell him that it over and done. and if he beggggg you back. tell him, you should of though about that when you began to hit and abuse me and verbally too... see wha tyou get.. I way smarter than you are and I did the right thing. There nothign you can do or change my mind.
2006-07-20 16:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enough is enough !!! Anytime a man verbally and emotionally abuses you it's not love. Love is patient and kind. Another thing is that you have kids. Please don't allow your children to grow up in that bad atmosphere. They'll grow up doing the same. It's not fair. We as women hear the famous words all the time( I'll change, I ****** up, sorry baby it will never happen again), but it do!!!! Put a stop to it. Yes indeed you will hurt because I just went through the same thing last night. These men have moms, sisters, nieces and etc.... they don't realize were some one niece, aunt, sister, friend, cousin and etc... I could go on and on but love your self and those beautiful kids... He will change, I'll give him that but then it's back to normal!!!! uhn... uhn... no... Talk to God he'll never leave forsake you
2006-07-20 16:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by foxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like being honest puts you in a spot to be abused bite your tongue. Save up what money you can.Find you a place and get the hell out of there. The sooner the better. No one deserves to be abused. I would pretend everything was OK until I was safe. You know your situation better than any one use your head and stay safe.
2006-07-20 16:54:15 · answer #6 · answered by Wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen I know exactly how yo feel, in the same boat my plan may not be good for you but do you . No you do not inform him of your plans,because he could then turn violent, you act as if everything is everything,keep doin what you doin until you can do better. I know it is hard but you have to save face. Keep being the happy ,smiling loving person that you are and make it all about the kids. Spend time with them stay out of his face his way, only speak too him when it is about one of the kids and keep it movin. If you want start playin mind games with him, but keep it movin!!!!!!
2006-07-20 15:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by Precious1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he wants a divorce. that would solve a lot of problems for you. If you do meet with him don't get combative, this will only cause you problems.
You have dealt with this for years and you are now strong enough to do something about it. make your mind up before you meet with him that what he has to say to you is not going to hurt you because it is not the truth.
Don't elaborate to much, let him do the talking, sounds like that is what he is used to anyway. Stay strong, get as much money as you can be careful and get out.
2006-07-20 15:54:58 · answer #8 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband decides he wants to talk tonight be honest with him. Tell him you are not happy. Tell you are thinking of leaving. See how that sits with him. There is a chance that he is just as unhappy as you are. But hiding the truth and lying will only cause more problems.
2006-07-20 15:57:40 · answer #9 · answered by la_diablita_1999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out the website below - Support Network for Battered Women or call their National Help line at 1-800-572-2782 and get out NOW!
2006-07-20 15:57:17 · answer #10 · answered by CDM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋