My husband seems to be a "good christian", he was raised holiness pentecostal and his parents even slept in seperate rooms. For the first year of our marriage I accepted everything he said as absolute truth. Then in March he was accused of buying alcohol for a minor and sexual harrasment at work against the same girl. He was fired and charges were pressed. He swore to me that he had done neither offence, but then after a lawyer contacted us about a video of him buying alcohol then he fessed up about that part but still denied the other. He is very good looking and I don't think I am enough, so I'm pretty insecure anyway. So a week ago he had gotten onto a few adultfriend finder sites and I asked him about it and he said it was nothing and he wouldn't do it again. I will say that I'm not totally innnocent for I have also chatted with men, but I always make it clear that nothing will come of it. So last night he had been chatting with a girl and looking at porn...
2006-07-20 08:29:46 · 16 answers · asked by colorist 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he said he wouldn't ever do it again, but I don't trust him. I feel like I can't trust anything he has ever said... like "I love you" How can I trust him again?
2006-07-20 08:30:35 · update #1
I feel like since he has lied before that I know of that now I won't be able to trust anything he ever says again. Have you ever had any thing like this? How can one regain respect and be able to trust someone again after they have knowingly lied?
2006-07-20 08:32:44 · update #2
your "almost certain probable future" is that you will continue acting in this soap opera of a marriage of yours until it costs you something dear to you.
Alas you are still too fascinated by all the drama!
2006-07-21 03:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by zigzagidiot 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Coloryst, I think you know exactly what you will have to do. It will be far from convenient, yet if you are insecure, you will always be giving him the upper hand.
If he's cute, good looking, and smells good and is thin, and you were heavy when he married you and you've been losing pounds to make yourself more attractive to him, you probably got married for the wrong reasons. You believed he was religious, yet being religious each Sunday has nothing to do with ethics or morals or sexual stuff. He seems to tell the truth in spurts, or at least that's your side of the story. It would be interesting to hear his side.
So he's chatting with a girl and looking at porn, well, unless you want an open marriage, that isn’t a good sign.
Yet you are insecure and he does not appear to be and you better believe he knows that. You can't win here.
Two choices:
Split and screw up convenience and logistics or
Stay and have money and a guy that looks great who does not respect, honor, or truly care about you more than himself.
Either way you lose so it's only a matter of how you want to lose, not how to win or rebuild trust.
I can't guide you simply because you have to determine what will be worth losing here.
You know I'm sending good Karma your way because I think you deserve a guy who always puts how you feel first, and will always place your needs above their own.
You are aware and that's more than half the battle; give yourself some credit here and have confidence in yourself for seeing what many others would not have the courage to endure.
You are a real soldier for exploring all of this and I respect your intelligence more than any other thing about you.
Rock On Shining Star.
2006-07-21 11:42:39 · answer #2 · answered by rightonrighton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....you can't regain trust. After all, you trusted them the first time and they did not hold up their end of that bargain. All you can really do is put it behind you and move on. The question being to do it without him or to stay with him.
I think it's safe to say you can't trust this guy. Everyone makes a mistake or two, but you don't lie after you have been caught. That is the time for 'yea, I did it'. He was ready to keep the lie alive, until that tape showed up...then he admitted to it.
Chatting is nothing, just drop that. People chat and it's not cheat ting.
2006-07-20 15:39:06 · answer #3 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is the one that has issues, so dont allow your insecurities make you think he has just cause for his behavior.
Some times trust is never restored, but, the thing is when a person is sincerely sorry for their actions, you can SEE IT. Ya know what I mean?? I mean he will bend over backwards to show you that he has truly changed, and that he is happy in his marriage, etc. And be completely sincere, lets face it, we women just know whats real and what isnt, I guess you could say we were born with a God given talent of that famous "gut feeling", so listen to yours, dont be dis respected, you dont deserve it.
2006-07-20 16:39:50 · answer #4 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a liar through and though. He will always lie to you. There is absolutely no reason to try to trust this man again. NONE. It is totally not worth your time. He will always do such things behind your back and every time you catch him he will say its the first and last time. It hasn't been so far has it ? The things he did shouldn't have been done even once.
2006-07-20 15:37:59 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl that is just too much to deal with he obviously has some unexplained chilhood issues going on. If you can not get to the root of it then move on. Trust is a two way street. He has told too many lies for me and i would have rolled out.
You need to love yourself more than you love him.
2006-07-20 15:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by Precious1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time to move on. I know it's hard, but from what you said nothing good can come from this.
You are a pretty woman - don't feel insecure. Work on you and building that confidence up. You deserve that.
2006-07-20 16:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by Aura Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't and he doesn't deserve to be respected or forgiven. "good christian" my eye. Sounds like a judgemental, *** that hides behind religion. Being raised in that sort of environment has probably cause countless issues for him. None of which are you fault. Be done with him and move on
2006-07-20 15:36:43 · answer #8 · answered by waveman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, this guy is not a man. If he is a Christian, he'll repent, but that's between him and the big guy. You have to think about yourself, I hope you have no kids with this animal, but whatever you do, cut him off. Get out, go to mom's or whatever, he's a time bomb and you're right there! Good Luck! :)
2006-07-20 15:36:07 · answer #9 · answered by fromdheart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a liar, babe. You CAN'T trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Dump his @ss. By the way, you are really, really pretty so don't worry about not being enough for him. This is his issue and not because you aren't cute enough.
2006-07-20 16:08:04 · answer #10 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋