I am consumed with guilt about this, but we've been working on things for a while, and I feel like I've hit a wall. I just don't want to anymore. I want out, but it's so tough. We have a two year old who I love and don't want to hurt.
2006-07-20 08:29:37 · 15 answers · asked by biffnow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You owe it to yourself, your wife, and your child to be honest about your feelings. No one wants to hear that their spouse no longer loves them--but it isn't fair to anyone if you continue to pretend that you do.
Be gentle when you let her know your feelings, maybe write a letter. This form of communication allows you to say things exactly the way you want to. If you just blurted it out to her, anger and regret and fear may make you say things you really don't feel or would later regret. Also, you should find a sitter to watch your little one when you give her the news. That way she will have time to herself to take in what you've told her.
Give her some time and space after telling her how you feel. Let the anger, embarrassment, and hurt run its course. Then nicely ask if you can discuss what arrangements need to be made for the future--and remember, your little one should never be put in the middle. Make sure that he/she always knows that both Mommy and Daddy love her more than anything in the world.
Good luck.
2006-07-20 08:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by just4funyall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is nice that you are thinking of your child. Yet in a way you are hurting your child whether you know it or not. A child can sense if there is not love between two parents; believe it or not and you know that you shouldn't be someone you don't love anymore. You can still be there for your child no matter what and as the child gets older you can explain things. I am a single mother of three are old enough and know I am happier without out there dad then with so they love me enough to want me to be happy as your child will feel the same too.
2006-07-20 08:42:19 · answer #2 · answered by Starran 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry to hear another marriage has reached its end. Seems like there's too much of that today. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Now the only thing left to do it seems is tell her how you feel. Be honest with her and straightforward. Don't waste another second or take another breath without telling her. I'll assume that you both still care for each other or you wouldn't be feeling guilty about it. Keeping that in mind, I believe that keeping something this profound from her would be a mistake.
It is possible to divorce or seperate and things be alright for both her and your children. Just because you divorce, doesn't mean you don't love someone...especially the children. Seperating on good terms will help with making sure your child still feels secure. Married or not, you're still a dad who can be there for him/her whether you're with his mom or not.
2006-07-20 08:39:39 · answer #3 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do some soul searching. Compare the benefits to staying with the benefits of leaving. Either way, you have to think of your family, your self, your child and your wife. You really don't want a loveless marriage and if you think it has run it's course a child would be happier with two loving, happy parents that live in separate households than two parents just going through the motions in one. It is tough, I am currently going through the drama of wondering whether to stay or to leave myself. My instincts tell me I will stay and weather it out. . .you owe it to your wife to give the relationship a chance. You may be going through growing pains, a itch, etc. But if you really deeply feel that you may not want to remain in the relationship then be honest with her and let her know that you love her and your child and you will be there for your child always and want to retain a friendly relationship with her. She will be hurt and probably angry in the beginning if you decide to leave. Maybe a temporary separation even, to see if you really want to be out of the relationship. Good luck to you, I hope it turns out in the best interest of you all.
2006-07-20 08:40:07 · answer #4 · answered by In God's Image 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place what got you into marrying her? What made you stay until now? What went wrong? What went missing? There has to be something and you owe it to your self and to your wife to be fair by giving this marriage all the chances in this world to work out. Feelings come and goes and sometimes they just get buried on top of one another. It's the underlying commitment to stick through thick and thin with the other person that counts.
2006-07-20 08:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by Tingkuling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...you can hang that up. People are going to be hurt. It's part of a divorce. Are you in marriage counseling? Do you both feel the same way? Do everything you know to do to try to save it, that way later on when your daugher asks you can say you both tried everything you could, but it just didn't work. Then sit down with your wife and talk to her and tell her how you feel. If your going to end it, end it right.
2006-07-20 08:35:55 · answer #6 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your wife for a romantic date, just the two of you (leave the two year old with a trusted relative). There're good reasons why you married her. Find them again. Do dating adventures periodically.
If that doesn't seem to be helping, then you need couples counseling. I don't know what the counselor's title is these days, but it used to be MFCC -- Marriage Family Child Counselor.
2006-07-20 08:36:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you feel that you are no longer in love with your wfe is not enough a valid reason for deserting her and seek divorce.
I tell you a true story.
A son after two years of his marriage, goes to his father and tells him that he wants to divorce his wife as he is feeling bored with her. The father replies to the son that he is also very bored with his wife ( i.e his son's mother), should he divorce her. The son ran away and never talked of divorce on account of just boredom.
2006-07-20 09:02:37 · answer #8 · answered by mann54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage vows are "for better and for worse"--
i suggest continue to seek help---here are a few good books
"One Flesh" by Bob Yandian
"Marriage on the Rock" by Mike Evans
"Resolving conflicts in Marriage" by Darrell Hines
Many people i know plus famous couples have gleaned from these books and worked things out!!!
God bless you!!
2006-07-20 08:36:05 · answer #9 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, ask yourself these questions.
How long have we been married?
How does my wife feel about me?
Does your wife have feelings for someone else?
Do I have feelings for someone else?
Why do I want out?
It should be a last consideration to get out of your marriage. It's will disrupt and hurt so many.
Whatever you decide, life goes on.
Good Luck and God Bless
2006-07-20 08:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋