Tell me a joke, make me laugh...ten points?

Question

Dont tell me your not tempted

Answer 1

lol im tempted...iight

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."

Answer 2

TEN HUSBANDS

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.

What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... God, I miss him!

"But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Answer 3

An athiest man that lived beside a devout christian lady was getting extremely angry with her because she was always on her porch saying "Praise the Lord", thanking God for everything. So one day the man found out the lady was having a tough time when he heard her praying to God for a way to get some food in her house, he & came up with a plan. He went out & bought 2 large bags of groceries & left them on her porch. The next morning he waited for the lady to come out & when she did she started shouting "Praise the Lord", thanking God for the groceries. The man ran up & told the lady it was him that bought the groceries, not God...The lady looked at him, smiled & shouted, "Praise the Lord, not only did God provide me with groceries, but He made you pay for them!"

Answer 4

1.Yo mammas so fat when i told her 2 give me a push-up she ran 2 the ice-cream truck nd came back with 1.
2. Yo mammas so fat she comes from both sides of the family.
Did i make u laugh? by the way dont be mad at me cuz those r just jokes. lol

Answer 5

I want a joke too, Give me a joke before I get to sad to sit here any longer..make me laugh, LOL

Answer 6

A guy was out cutting his grass one day, and noticed that his neighbor (beautiful blonde!) kept coming outside checking her mailbox. So finally after about 5 or 6 times he stopped her and asked what was she doing. She replied "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail" Ha Ha!!!

Answer 7

A lady and a baby go on a bus and they get their ticket from the bus driver. The bus driver then says, "My that is one ugly baby!" The lady sits down next to an old man, and the old man says, "Why are you so mad?" "That bus driver got me mad." Then the old man tells the lady to get the badge # of the bus driver. She says okay and then he says "While you go up there I'll hold that little monkey of yours!" :)

Answer 8

this is a long one.....

every morning in bed when this husband wakes up he lets out a huge fart! and his wife says "one of these days youre gonna crap out your guts!"

so one morning when the wife was getting a turkey ready for cooking she had an idea (the husband was still in bed) she took the turkey guts and put them in her husbands pants. and when the husband woke up he farted and then screamed.

she heard him running into the bathroom. then heard him walking down the stairs.

she asked him (trying to keep a straight face) "what happened?"

he said "you were right honey, i did crap out my guts, but with these 2 fingers and some vasaline i got them back where they belong"


nasty but hilarious!

Answer 9

So, there's two muffins in the oven. The first Muffin looks to the second and says, "Is it getting warm in here or is it just me?" The second muffin looks to the first and says, "Ahhhh! A talking muffin!" :)

Answer 10

I think my cat was previously owned by someone in the army because every morning she wakes me up by blowing a bugel.