My husband has been putting off sex for a few weeks now, because our last few times together have been "failures" on his part (if u know wat I mean). He claims it is anxiety yadah yadah... Anyway, he's planning on having sex tonight, and I'm just wondering, should I be worried that he'll develop a pattern of holding out on sex all the time, just so he can build up enough stamina for one successful night? Am I wrong for being concerned this is how it might be all the time now? If he's able to maintain an erection 2nite, will it be because he's held out, or because he truly enjoyed it?
Ps. We're both in our 20's & I'm 8 months pregnant. He is not cheating bcuz we r together 24/7
2006-07-20 08:09:35 · 13 answers · asked by SADN W 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
For ppl like gmommy, please understand, I do not make my husband feel bad about this. I've been nothing but patient. I have needs too. It gets a lil frustrating for me to deal w/this becuz we used to have such amazing sex!!
2006-07-20 08:47:30 · update #1
Maybe you need to ask him why he is not holding the erection. I know that there has been times that I "lost the mood" because I was thinking of something else. It sounds weird, but you have to concentrate to hold an erection. If you start thinking of something else and it starts to consume you, you lose the mood. Maybe he is worried that you are 8 months and he may hurt the child. Maybe he was thinking of work.
The point is that you and your husband need to talk about what happened. If he gets offended, then that is a problem with him. Open communication is the key. I have had the problem with my wife and there is no shame in it. I do know that my wife thought it was her fault and if we did not talk about it she would have continued to think it was her fault. Men lose focus just like women. It is not a big problem until you stop communicating about the situation. Hope this helps.
2006-07-20 08:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by ebayes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow do you have any idea how devastating this kind of "failure" is for a man? Do you have any empathy for this man you are supposed to love? I am thinking that the pressure that your attitude is putting on him can only make the problem worse. Do you thing you would enjoy anything that your spouse calling you a failure at? Come on this is a stressful time for both of you with the baby on the way. I would say if he is "successful" tonight will be a miracle. Your spouse is supposed to be, no pun intended, a soft place to fall, the one person that will support and encourage you above all others not the person who is more worried about this situation becoming "a pattern" than how hurt and afraid you are. Be a wife not a judge. Is the way you are going to treat your child? What if he/she has some kind of trouble in say school, are you going to call them a failure?
2006-07-20 15:33:15 · answer #2 · answered by G-Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is the same way! I'm 8 months pregnant today and before i got my soccer ball size stomach he would last 1 to 2 hours long and i'd be the one tired! Now, i can understand why he may have a hard time currently going for more than 5 to 10 minutes. Its because of the physical awkwardness of our changing bodies and that takes time for them to get use to. In there minds there thinking about "hurting the baby", getting use to this precious gift in our stomach and lots of other things that we may not even think that they would care about {while gettin a little} but it TRUE. I thought it was something else as well, but i read a little and stumbled upon somes reasons why. Then i just came out and asked him and thats exactly what the readings i read were saying!! So don't feel bad, its just a change the male half goes through during the pregnancy {bc they care}.
2006-07-20 15:23:28 · answer #3 · answered by msbrandnew02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, maybe he just doesn't want to tell you that he's not into it because you're pregnant. He loves you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or ruin it for after you have the baby, but maybe its an unexpected reaction on his part. Some men have a hard time looking at their wife in a sexual way when she is carrying child. Subconciously they think of you as a sacred, motherly vessel. He may not even realize it, or be concious of it. This doesn't mean that it can't go back to normal afterwords, but it may be psychological.
If it continues after you have the baby, have him go to see a doctor. This is not normal for a guy in his 20s. If there is no physical problem, try couple's counseling.
2006-07-20 15:17:57 · answer #4 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its nerves on his part due to the fact that in a matter of a few weeks the world for you two will change.
You dont mention if prior to your pregnancy what his performance was, but i assume that it was average and you had no complaints about him "keeping it up". So i really think its probably just his nerves. If he gets concerned about it, you can speak to your doctor and maybe try some Viagra.
Good luck. Hope tonight goes well!
2006-07-20 15:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by camoprincess32 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of men at this point in the pregnancy get VERY concerned about hurting the baby or you, or causing pre term labor. This may be concious or subconcious...... take your time and let him know that It's completely natural to have sex throughout your pregnancy (unless your doctor has advised against it). Don't get mad at him if he can't perform...... at least you know he has alot of concern for you and your baby.
2006-07-20 15:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he worried about hurting the baby? Plus it could be the stress of the birth. He's worried about you the baby, what is life gonna be like when the kid gets here. Try to talk and see if he is really stressed about something and try to put him at ease.
2006-07-20 15:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by JenKat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has some anxiety about hurting you or the baby? Maybe if he talked one on one to your caregiver to get the "thumbs up" on having sex, he'd be OK?
2006-07-20 15:14:24 · answer #8 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's stressed out about the baby, or he's concerned about hurting you or the baby. I'd have a long talk with him about it.
2006-07-20 15:12:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he probaly is worried if you all make love he will push the day that you suppose to have back some days or make you have your baby before due day
2006-07-20 15:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋