how do you know when your marriage is worth fighting for. or when you should just give up and get divorced?

Question

i'm 22 married for 2years, been with him since i was 16, and we're living apart now, but are trying to decide if divorce is the best thing. we both love eachother very much. but there has been way to much hurt towards eachother over that last two years!

we do not have any children.

Answer 1

Dear Fighting for Love!

You are very fortunate to have shared the love that you found with this person for so long. You rarely see childhood sweethearts stay together nowadays. Where are the fights stemming from? What kind of arguments? Has there been cheating, has there been lies?

Then you need ask yourself, have you done everything you can do to make it work? Have you agreed to go to counseling? Have you made an effort to mature and see things from both sides. It is very easy to walk away and try to start over in theory. It is harder to imagine the reality of moving on and finally letting go after so much time? You are young and can start over sure.. but are you really ready to let go? Then you only know if you are the only one fighting for your marriage. Has he moved on? Is he ready to really let go? See so many thing are required as far as information to process to be able to rationally make this kind of a choice. The bottom line.. Do you love one another to do what ever it takes to move to a center ground to rebuild your ruined house.. or will you just take separate paths and see where that leads you. Only you have that answer? I don't envy your position, but you are stronger and smarter than you even give yourself credit for.. so just do some real thinking and together you will find the answer that will be best for you both.
Angelisa~

Answer 2

I sadly was in that same situation a few years back myself, and really it came down to a point where there was much more hurt and arguing than there was loving. Also, I began to notice that our fighting was not only affecting the two wonderful individuals that each of us were, but also affected our daughter, and her emotions. I began to realize that no matter how much I have always been against the idea of a divorce, simply because of the vows we had taken, and my own idealogy of marriage itself, it became an unhealthy environment for all of us involved, and I simply couldn't allow us to live that same way anymore knowing how it was affecting my precious little girl.

It's not an easy decision to make at all... and I would avoid having to go through it at all costs if in fact it is avoidable for you. I would suggest counseling, if you're both agreeable to it, because I know it can work for some that are willing to seek, and follow some of the helpful suggestions offered.

I hope it all works out for you.... Good luck!

Answer 3

Yeah, you got married way too young. Please go see a counselor with him. Sometimes the 'other' person can help you two see things from a different perspective, help you find some of the problems, and help you find some answers. Look for someone you're both comfortable with. Don't use a friendo or relative. Find a professional person who can act as a mediator. You may find you can work out the problems or they are too big for you to get past. Having an unbiased person there, a sounding board, will help you two figure out what you need to do. My best. Been there , done that.

Answer 4

You did get married way too young, but what's done is done. As others have said, try a marriage counselor. You both took a vow to wed and help each other in good times and bad. Try to keep the marriage together with some professional help. If you still can't work it out, it might be best to split.

BTW, don't get pregnant! Kids complicate everything.

Answer 5

You have to decide that for yourself. But I say if there is fight left in both of you and your willing to work on it then don't get a divorce. Too many people think that when life get a little rough it time for a divorce. That is what marriage is about the "good and the bad" times.

Answer 6

I got married when I was just 16, and we have had a lot of problems. I almost feel like it was me three or four years ago writing your question.

You just have to look inside yourself, and see if it is really worth it to you. Pride is something that you have to swallow to have a good marriage, but don't belittle yourself just for the sake of staying with him. Marriage is a two part deal, and if he doesn't want to do his part, then you need to move on with your life.

At least you don't have children. And I would strongly advise keeping it that way until you both resolve your issues.

Best of luck, and trust yourself.:)

Answer 7

Sounds like loving each other is easy, living with each other is the tough part. You could try counselling, if the marriage is that important to you. Are there irreconcilable differences (ex. you want kids...he doesn't etc..)

You're young, perhaps it's time for a fresh start. I use the 40% rule, if something that you're into is more that 40% crap, then it's time to make a change.

Answer 8

when you know it's right then it is but if there's any unsure feelings why hurt each other.
if you guys love each other and willing to work things out then you 2 need to really, really talk.
Im married for only 10months and we've been together for 2 years, i tell you it's hard beeing married but marriage works to different people. If you need to do some thinking then think but if you love this person then why listen to others just follow your heart and where you think you are happy.

Answer 9

best to end it now becasue since you both don't have kids and it better right now...

My marriage was worth fighting for when she want to get divorced and I work very hard and I married her becasue I knew that she and I will be spend the rest of our lifes. and Now we have children...

becasue yours rightnow is that hurts toward eacother for last two years and it better be friend and find someone that it don't hurt between or toward eachothter if you don't have that for long time and you both will have a perfect baby.

Answer 10

You need to let go of the hurt. If both of you really want to stay in the relationship, you need to look deep into yourselves and decide what is best for you and your kids (if you have any) Be honest, be open, and most importantly be respectful and no name calling. If the conversation gets to heated then walk away saying you can no longer discuss the issue with a clear head. I wish you the best of luck!