I am an adult child who grew up in a very abusive home. Daddy was abuser. My mom watched as he beat us. As a child I always felt that I needed to protect her and actually we(brother and I) both took a few beatings just for trying to get daddy to lay off of going after mama. Onetime he actually held her at gunpoint and shot at her. She swore he wouldnt hurt her. I had to literally pull her out of the house and call the police with her objecting.
Daddy died 12 years ago. She remarried a man that had the same violent history. Thankfully the man has never raised a hand toward my mom but thats just it! He would have had to get off his butt to do something..anything! which he hasnt in over 11 years.
Moms now hubby has stage 4 cancer and she insists on keeping him home even though he cannot tend to himself and he is jealous of her doing w/o him. Her health suffers. How do I just let her suffer from her decisions? If she dies I have no core family left. Im scared of losing her. help!
2006-07-20 07:43:29 · 3 answers · asked by AccountableLady 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know I cannot control her life but am terrified of actually facing a life with no core family left on this earth due to her putting someone elses health ahead of her own. She does not see that if she dies I am alone. (I do have a hubby and 5 kids ) but no core family left and I am scared. I want her to take care of herself.
Her hubby is in nursing home per dr suggestion but mom is considering bringing him home. I am affraid she is suffering from "Martyr Syndrome" and would be willing to die just to get the pats on the back for a job well done.
2006-07-20 07:46:16 · update #1
What I meant by core family is..I have no other siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents to help care for her when she gets into the health crisis I see her running herself into. I all falls on me.
2006-07-20 08:03:55 · update #2
If she is a martyr there is nothing you can do to change that. She is who she is and she's going to do what she's going to do. How can you stop trying to protect her ? Just let her do what she wants to do. She has done what she wants to do all these years so far. At this point your just making yourself suffer along with her. I find it strange that you said you have a husband and 5 children but feel without your mother you have no core family. Those 6 people are your core family. You have them when mom passes. No matter what your mother does she will pass one day anyway. Start to realize that the family that you are with everyday are the ones that should really matter.
2006-07-20 08:00:10 · answer #1 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quit making your mom wrong for her decisions. Its her life..and she is a grown up. You cant change the way she thinks. She is doing what she knows. You are doing what you know. You have to decide for yourself if this is the way you want to live. Continue to rescue mom..or live your life... You are not right/wrong for what you do..it is what you know. Only you can choose what to do... Maybe your mom is not suffering... maybe its her way of life.. accept her for that..and choose your way.good luck.
2006-07-20 14:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by jh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let it happen you can n ot change her or her abuser. you can pray for them love them and forgive them for there poor decisions. we can not always protect the ones we love and it is horrible to know therre is nothing we can do
2006-07-20 14:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋