we have lived together over 2 years. i have helped with bills and remodeling. now he's telling me that he doesn't think he loves me like he should. that i deserve better. etc..then i find out he has a dating personal on a couple of dating sites. he says he's not looking for anything serious. that we are on a break...i feel its my home. i have every right to be there..i have no savings. no money of my own, we have used it to remodel our home. and he's also telling me he thinks we need time apart, but that we can work on us..how can we work on us when he avoids "us"...please help..im so confused
2006-07-20 07:33:25 · 27 answers · asked by chelle7usa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
XXXXXXXXXXXXX tell him if he wants to seperate, he's the one that should move. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-20 07:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't work on us when one half of "us" isn't willing to work on it. That leaves just you and that is what you need to work on just you. Did you move into his house or get the house together? If it was together and he wants to leave let him. If it was his home was the remodeling made to make the house more comfortable for you or because you both decided that is where the money should go? If it was all remodeling you wanted and he could care less about then you need to eat the bill. If it is remodeling that you both agreed need to be done and he would have had to do it anyways tell him you will be happy to leave just as soon as he buys your share of the investment in the home and remodels. You can't charge him for ordinary bills though you would have had to pay those anyway. If it is his house and his alone ultimatly he can evict you and you can try to sue him later but this is why moving in with someone you are not married to is a bad idea.
2006-07-20 07:45:26 · answer #2 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like boyfriend got what he wanted and is now ready to move on. Hmmmm. Start getting your papers ready. Look for all the bills you've paid for especially the ones that help pay for the remodeling. Tell him that you will leave but he has to wait until you put some money aside in order to find your own place and stop paying for anything else. He asked you to leave, you didn't ask to leave. If he gives you a hard time then take him to court for the money you spent on the remodeling of "his" place. You don't want to stay where you are not wanted, so if you need to find a second job in order to save money to leave, then do so. I know this is an emotional situation, but you might as well find out how he feels now then to find out later that he's cheating on you.
Good luck.
2006-07-20 07:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get the money you put into the house, out of the house. He should give you something, that would be the decent thing to do. If you're on the deed then you can sell the home in order to recoup what you put into it.
If you're not on the deed, then there's a problem, however you could take him to court. He may settle with you before it goes there just to get it over with so he can move on. Or he may want you back, if losing you will affect his wallet that much. I know, it's a mean thing to say but that's how some guys think.
The reality is that he wants out of the relationship, he really wants to work on himself, which is hard to do when there is an "us". Sometimes you get to a point where you can't grow as a person due to relationship. It also sounds like he wants to play around a bit, probably feels trapped by the relationship.
2006-07-20 07:52:33 · answer #4 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, first off, I'm sorry this is happening. It resonates with me, as I have been through some pretty traumatic relationship experiences. I have very little information to go on, but here's my two cents.
I would try my best to find a way to get out of this "relationship". Usually, all this stuff about "time apart" and "working on it" means he's looking for a "nicer" way to go his own way. And it's best to just get over the hard part of splitting up as fast as possiblle - so you can continue on with your life. Now, the financial issues - it depends on your situation. I'm not clear if you have any "legal" leg to stand on - are you renting the house together? Is your name on the lease? Have you kept the receipts that show your contribution? I don't have much experience with the court system, but I imagine one could file a small claims lawsuit. However, if at all possible - perhaps it would be feasible to sit down with him and try to appeal to his senses? Perhaps you could work out a deal where he would help with some of your moving/living expenses for a little while? I don't know what state of mind you both are in, so it's hard for me to say if this would work, you're a better judge of that. But I would treat it as a final break-up, not the "time apart" or anything like that, this stuff only drags you down. If you have close friends, they may be able to help you - with a place to stay for the time being, advice, or moral support.
Keep in mind, there's always light at the end of the tunnel... Good luck!
2006-07-20 08:14:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he wants to have the break then he should be the one who moves. However, if he doesn't want to move, then you should pick yourself up and get out. I know its easier to say than do, but how can you live with him knowing he has his name on a personals site? I know you've spent your money remodeling and I doubt that he would consider paying you back. If you own a house, then he should buy you out. Not sure if you have any legal rights if you rent together. He doesn't really want to work on 'us'...thats just him trying to slide away...his telling you that you deserve better is the statement that most guys use when they want 'out'. All you can do is appreciate his honesty and pick up the pieces and move out...either go to family or friends for a short time...move on...and don't wait for his return. IF he does return, don't take him back...as he said..."You deserve better".
2006-07-20 07:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by irishME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first of all, does he OWN the house? If he does, you have a problem. He should, in good consience, offer you a sum of money for your investment in th ehome. But if there is no written agreement, then you're hosed. you can hire a lawyer to attempt to force him to refund your "equity" but this isn't always successful.
On a personal note, if he's posted himself on the internet, then your relationship is over. No matter what he tells you at this point, he's basically sugar coating the fact that he wants out. Sorry to be so blunt, but he's too much of a pussy to tell you the truth that you deserve. The only other scenario is that he's wants to "have his cake and eat it to", but from what I'm hearing, he's just too cowardly to make the actual break. Do you have a joint account? If not, your only option is to regain some of teh money you put into the place is to move out and TAKE EVERYTHING. Good luck.
2006-07-20 07:41:01 · answer #7 · answered by Jill S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's the one that is wanting out, then he should be the one leaving. Getting a lawyer into it may be in theory a good idea, but if finances are an issue then I wouldn't go that route. Plus, you always want to keep that as a LAST resort.
This guy is obviously a jerk. Put your foot down and stand up for what's due you. You definitely deserve better.
2006-07-20 07:53:15 · answer #8 · answered by Krystin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to be gentle, but this relationship is over. Just the fact that he is on dating sites is enough to tell you he is already looking to move on. Sell the house, split the profit, and go your seperate ways. Don't just leave and let him keep the house that you have BOTH worked for and paid for. That is not fair to you. He can't make you leave anyway, tell him he can leave if he wants time apart. Good luck and I hope this jerk gets what he deserves, and I hope you find happiness.
2006-07-20 07:39:51 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's too cowardly to say that he's found another or wants to slut around. Who's name the house is in? If he's any kind of man who would stop and think. Sometimes they just dont care. Follow your first mind. I would take all the **** out the house and when he comes home leave him with the echo of an empty house and the bills.
2006-07-20 07:46:12 · answer #10 · answered by foxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remodel the house? does that mean that you two bought it together? If so sell the house and split the proceeds. If he owns it present him a bill. And make sure he sleeps on the couch or at least out of YOUR bed
2006-07-20 07:40:58 · answer #11 · answered by admiralgill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋