Ok please read all of this before answering. Last night I came home from work and my boyfriend ( we have 2 kids together) had hooked up a vcr in my living room .Well this seemed odd because we NEVER watch Vhs videos, only dvd's. But he said he put it in the living room in case the kids wanted to watch cartoon movies. Well this morning as I got ready for work I found a porno video hidden under some clothes in my closet. Well I did not confront him yet because he was asleep so I just left a note telling him that I know he lied and to come clean or he can leave because I dont like being lied to. And that is what it comes down to. I am a little upset that he does this behind my back ( the porn) but I am VERY upset that he felt he had to lie to me and be dis honest. How do i approach this situation? AM I making to big of a deal? Im sooo confused? I know its gonna be an arguement when i get home because I HATE when people lie to me.
2006-07-20 07:02:08 · 11 answers · asked by *♥* Igotorbs*♥* 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Embarrassing a guy about liking porn could be a deal breaker in a relationship. If he just installed the VCR, he did not really have time to discuss his real reasons with you(you do have kids running around the house, right?).
I'm sure that he is either just embarrassed to talk to you about it or that he just feels he has to hide it because it might hurt your feelings or upset you(and it has).
Porn is no big deal, relationship wise. If anything, it might help your relationship if he gets turned on by watching it. Guys sure don't compare you to the girls in the porn. Don't even worry about that. Just make sure he keeps it locked up so the kids don't find it.
If he's found the note, his day is already ruined. Now all he has to look forward to is a huge fight with you this evening.
If it were me, I'd go home and tell him that you were just surprised when you found it and reacted badly. Let him know that you are not mad at him, just concerned that he felt that he could not be honest with you about his needs. Then, if it were me, I'd offer to watch one of the movies with him and we'd have a really fun evening.
If you insist on standing your ground with the deception thing, be prepared for a relationship-changing fight. When you embarrass a partner or make him feel like he's in a Mother/child relationship, it does irreversible damage. Good luck with what ever you decide.
2006-07-20 07:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by JustLookinAround 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-18 00:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 5 younger brothers, I am the oldest ,they like porn and they were embarrassed when they were married that there wife's found there porn stash. They had alot of explaining to do. My man has porn also we watch it together sometimes and He get new ideas to keep our sex life exciting. I can understand you are angry that he lied to you. Knowing men like I do though is he feels he really isn't lying because he has every intention to have the kids watch there cartoon tapes in there. He just omitted the fact he has a porno. I would sit and discuss it with him and not argue. I would tell him how you feel and why he felt he had to hide it from you. I wish you the best and I enclosed some links that may help you to understand men a little better. They do not think like us from a far shot.
2006-07-20 07:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by twinsmakesfive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a big deal in my opinion as long as it isn't an obsession. Guys get horny, and it has nothing to do with the women in the videos. Chances are, he wouldn't want to date any of these women, they are gross. Its just stimulation, its not love, they are no threat to you. He loves you and the only reason he lied is because he is embarrassed. That doesn't mean you have to let him off the hook, but it's not THAT big of a deal. I can assure you that most men either have a porn stash or want one and are just scared. Men usually have higher sex drives then women, especially when children come into the equation. Unless you great, wild, passionate sex with him everytime he wants it then its no big deal. I think you should talk to him about the lying, but forgive him. And have fun with it. Tease him a little. Its honestly not that big of a deal. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, I doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive, it just means he is horny, or a normal red blooded man. If you are open to it, you might even offer to watch it with him. I know women who do, and their husbands LOVE IT! Trust me, the thought of you watching it with him will turn him on A GAZZILION times more then any woman in that video. If you don't think you can do it, fine, but don't let this turn into a huge fight because it is normal. The only reason he lied IS because it is embarrassing. I mean, (don't
be offended by the following) I am not sure if you ever masturbate, but if you do....you probably wouldn't send him a memo on when and where. If he called you from work and asked you what you were doing you probably wouldn't say "masturbating". If you don't masturbate, then substitute going to the john, or waxing your moustache into the equation. Its easy to see why someone would lie when it is embarrassing. Its because loves you and doesn't want you thinking less of him.
2006-07-20 07:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by Rock Star 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he would sneak and hide this from you and lie...my gut tells me this isn't all he is hiding and sneaking and lying about. Trust is a big issue when it comes to relationships and it seems like he has really big lying issues. Because this is something so little. What about the big stuff? Look at the effort he went through to intentionally do this. To what extent would he go to hide another women on the side?
I would feel very betrayed. And you at work all day and him watching porn!!! Your children were home, what if they accidently saw it!!!
You are being used girlfriend. I feel like you would be better off without him. Find someone who works too much to lie to you and betray you. Someone who respects you and your feelings enough to not want to hurt you.Which apparently he doesn't. Kick his @## to the curb!!!
Best of luck to you!!!!
2006-07-20 08:11:08 · answer #5 · answered by Richard E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I would let him know that you want the truth whether it hurts you or not, and that you will do your best to not fly off of the handle if he tells you truths that you don't like hearing( he may just be afraid of how you will respond).
No, I don't think you are making too big of a deal out of it. Who wants to be lied to? I would also mention to him that since you have children, it isn't too hot an idea to have those things where the kids can get ahold of them. I would tell him that he needs to keep those sort of things locked up someplace( if you decide you are okay enough with it). Good luck to you hon...you are not in the wrong here.
2006-07-20 07:18:15 · answer #6 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as far as the porn goes and him watching it in the living room.I wiould worry about the kids seeing it....
We are men we love sex at all times.....But the real issue here is..That he lied to you about it....
I do not know what you feelings are on porn.....If he was watching it by his self when the kids were in bed...so be it.....he is an adult.
The major problem is he used the kids to justify why he hooked up the VCR......That is just wrong.
You need to make a decission here....
Is the porn .the issue or the lying.....To me the lying would be the major issue.
You may be able to talk to him and let him know how you feel......
roll with it and see how he takes to your feelings...
I am not going to tell you what to do.......It is yours and yours alone disission to make....
Just roll with your hear and your head........Go into your conversation with an open mind and remember he just like every other guy........We love sex..But we do not all lie.!!
2006-07-20 07:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by tanear1964 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all clear up in ur mind that he is ur by frind and husband that he had to tell u every thing and can nt hide anything,
secondly even if he has brought that pron stuff why he hide it in under some clothes in ur closet? so that u can catch him red handed. NO WAY
OK lets take it the way u see the problem,
i think you would hv been too busy with ur work and might be ignoring the human needs.
and he bring that stuff only as to remind u about forgotten fun.
take it positively better enjoy.
2006-07-20 07:28:29 · answer #8 · answered by arun s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have every right about being upset about him lying. I would also be upset that he had them in the house with the kids. Men feel that they have to watch that crap and that theyy have to hide it. You need to tell him that he really shouldn't watch that because it is disrespectful to you! He also needs to be aware that you will not put up with his lying because if he lies about somehting small then he will lie about something big!
2006-07-20 07:09:02 · answer #9 · answered by paula y 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What r u? The porn inspector? Have u done a survey of all old guys houses? How could u possibly know this?
2016-03-27 01:06:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋