My wife is not sure if she wants to be married. She has acted on these feelings several times in the past by meeting people online, meeting them and having short relationships with them. After the last episode we saw a therapist and it seemed to work. we went for 4 months. However, it just happened again. She wants to " live seperate lives" in the same house for a number of reasons including " what is best for the kids". While she continues pursuing a relationship with this latest person. I am not sure I can be in one room while she talks on the phone with this person and " tests" the waters to really find out if she still wants to be married to me. Is her suggestion the craziest thing you have eer heard or can it work? If she ends this and we go back to therapy will I ever be able to trust her again? I love her very much and am willing to try but I am not sure that I can ever trust her again or even look at her the same way. Can that change? Thanks
2006-07-20 05:54:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife is not happy with herself. She may truly love you and want to change however she won't until she can find out who she is and what she wants. My guess is that she has never been single for a long period of time in her entire life. She is used to basing her happiness and self esteem on the guys she is with. It is not your responsibility. You will continue to get hurt if you stay with her. You all need to split up so she can discover herself and make her own happiness!!!!
2006-07-20 05:58:37 · answer #1 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is something that is built with time, it just doesn't happen. Once the trust is built, and is broken once, you can try to rebuild it, but if has been broken more than once or twice, how can you be sure that she won't go back to her old ways? Sometimes, right when you think you've got her trust, whe will break it again. It will be a cylce you will go through. You two really need to sit down and talk it over, come to an agreement, lay the cards out on the table and say what you really feel and think, if she can't commit to you and only you without having the need to "test" the waters, the best thing, is to go your separate ways...
2006-07-20 06:08:25 · answer #2 · answered by mgrlygrl83 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This woman is leading you around by the nose, and in the end, she will do what is best for herself at your expense. You need to set some boundaries for your marriage. My thoughts on the boundaries, if you are going to stay man and wife, you will live as man and wife and put effort and focus into the marriage. That means no "testing the waters" to see if there's some hotter dude out there. Instead, you should do things as a family in the evenings--go for walks, go shopping, go out for coffee--anything. Don't hang around the house. Get her away from these other men anyway possible. And you and your wife should go out on a date once a week. This should be top priority. Get your wife to tell you what she is looking for--what can you do to make you the only one she wants? Don't let her be vague or flaky. Get her to describe what it is she is missing.
Don't give her the option of staying in the house if she no longer wants to live as your wife. She will have to choose your marriage or leave. In the end she might just be another selfish jerk. She might just up and leave. But if you are willing to put in effort and work, and she is not, she does you no favors by staying. One of my friends talks of how damaging it was for him growing up to live in a house with his parents who acted as if they were divorced. It really messed with his head and made it difficult in his own marriage as an adult. What you do as a married couple defines marriage for your children, so don't accept her idea that this is what is best for the kids. She is really thinking of herself and what she wants.
2006-07-20 06:16:37 · answer #3 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she truly cared about you, she wouldn't do this to you. And it is not good for the kids to be in such an environment. She is confused and since you've already tried to make it work on multiple occasions, I think you need to let her go and divorce her. Keep the kids with you and give her the freedom she seems to want.
Who knows? Once she sees what's out there and experiences things, she may realize that she had a good man and she might come back. Don't hold your breath, i.e., you go ahead and date too. It sounds like a cliche', but there's that saying, paraphrased a bit....if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours forever. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours at all.
2006-07-20 06:09:09 · answer #4 · answered by Creole Baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The really craziest thing would be if you decide to put up with this. She broke the trust not once but 3 times already. You know what she's all about and being faithful to you is not on her list of things to do.
2006-07-20 06:02:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
specific, that is only approximately 0.5-a-dozen issues that the Lakers could desire to repair. No undertaking! right here is the question... in the event that they have not fixed them yet, what makes you think of they'll now? 0-2 dropping the two video games at living house isn't a deep sufficient hollow? The Lakers are no longer a team it is going to rally around their "chief" and combat to the bitter end. background shows that when Kobes Lakers be conscious of they are going to be eradicated, they fairly plenty only provide up. that's what is going to take place on Sunday.
2016-12-10 11:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you insane. What she wants from you is a paycheck. She has cheated on you 3 times that you know of. Have enough courage and strength to walk away. Besides, what are you showing your kids? You are teaching them that it is okay to betray your marriage, soon you will be paying a lot of counseling bills for them. Look, you tried, you put your heart into it but obviously your wife is not in the same place. You deserve someone who loves you more than they love themselves.
2006-07-20 06:10:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol....too funny.
You're a doormat. She knows this and is abusing you every chance she gets. You're SO pitiful, you're actually on this website asking if her actions will work!! lol
Grow a spine and get tough. Not just for you, but for your kids. Also...women (or people even) only get serious when there is something on the line. Right now, there is nothing on the line. She knows she can do whatever she wants, and you will take it.
2006-07-20 05:59:37 · answer #8 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No the trust is gone. You tryed and gave it your best shot but it sounds like she could care less about you and your marriage. Of course you love her but from the sound of it she could give 2 shi*s about you. She is cheating on you with over man. Right now she has her cake and is rubbing it right in your face. Time to move on
2006-07-20 06:01:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line as bad as you may not want to face it is she doenst love you anymore!!And believe me she will not fall back in either!!You have tried already 3 times cmon time to seperate,part companies!!She is using you big time for a place to stay while she has her fun,i cannot believe she is as cold as she is to do this is the same house your in and let your kids know this!!You say your allowing this for the kids and thats why she wants to stay i would never allow that, first your kids are seeing and hearing this what a thing for them to have to grow up to and remember about mom and dad!!Thats not a very good example to be showing them,what does that teach them?Thats its okay to be married and cheat on your spouse cause mommie and daddie done it!!You better think more about your children then that,and futhermore what about you?Do you not have a back bone or morals about yourself?Honey the minute she involved another man and brought him into your home rather its by phone or internet he is IN your home!!,i would of been get your **** and get out!!!You are a enabler and allowing this behavior and as long as you do, it will never and i mean never end!!I think your pretty good to even let her stay there,but to rub it in your face and thats what she is doing in a round about way u got to have no selfasteem at all about yourself!!Anybody who cheats and has the spouse keep putting up with it and even allows them to talk on phones or internet to thier loves do u think they will stop?She has her cake and eating it too!!Im sure you pay the phone bill the internet bill ,your paying her way to talk to her lover!!Stop dont pay the phone bill have it cut off turn the internet off too that way she cant find new men!!cmon dont make it easy on her like your doing!!Your pretty much just helping her right out the door is that what you want?Make her lover pay the bills if he wants her so much have him pay the phone bill and internet bill and then make her *** move in with him too. i promise if she had to do that and ask him i bet ya he wouldnt do ****!!She aint nothing but a bootie call for him and your money is footing his way to get to her!!Yea its beyond crazy what your allowing for you and your kids both!!Be a man stand up for yourself and tell her i am not paying one damn bill anymore you want to talk to your lovers you foot the bill and when i catch you doing it your *** is out the door they can take care of you and they can pay for you to cheat on them!!Good luck i hope you do listen and i hope you do it soon because your marriage is over ,and i dont know why you would even want a women like that you can find and do better!!!
2006-07-20 06:24:46 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋