I have a hard time socializing with people. When I socialize with people I have difficulty with conversation. I have trouble thinking of things to talk about and also have a hard time keeping the conversation going. This even happens to none-strangers, people who I know a lot and feel comfortable with. As a result I get nervous getting to know new people because of my problem with keeping conversations going. This makes it difficult to network with other people. This makes work as well as dating tough. I understand it’s normal that people get stuck in finding things to talk about but I notice people don’t have as much of a problem as I do in getting the conversation fired up again. Can you tell me some technique in keeping a conversation going and also subjects I could talk about?
2006-07-20 04:33:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Sociology
i have a similar problem... it takes a lot of work to socialize... some people have an easy time expending their energy on that... some people lik e, don't... but it isn't social retardation or anything... people like us like to think more...
read a lot... about general stuff.... just look up all the yahoo news, you don't even need to know everything in detail, get the headlines and skim through the articles so you will be able to ask questions as well... because it's not polite to always know everything... be interested in who you're talking to... even the dumbest questions about them will keep a conversation going... talk about recent movies, wether global warming is really taking place, how to save the polar bears from becoming extinct by 2050, the latest cd's, the weather, your job, their job, hobbies, food, favorite places, etc... you could even notice whatever's around you and comment on it... if the other person is adept at conversing they will pick up on it and keep it going... if they're as shy as you then it'll be difficult, but if they are trying then it's okay... if they aren't trying and expecting you to do all the talking then don't talk to them... good luck!
just remember that you are a special person in this world and you have a lot to offer... people should be interested in what you ahve to say...
on the other hand, if you are just not in the mood right now to be socializing then you should take a break until you are ready... i have times when i want to get away from everybody and i can tell because i can't find anything to say... it'll last a couple weeks or a couple days...sorry if this is too long...
2006-07-20 04:49:42 · answer #1 · answered by constanze_mylove 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think what you need is a two part answer:
The first thing I would recommend is not to become too apprehensive about the conversation, before the conversation happens. If you are stressed out about the conversation trailing off, then it probably will. You will be so busy thinking of not only something to say next but repeating it in your head to make sure it sounds good and doesn't make you look stupid. So, you are so tied up in your own thing trying not to let the conversation trail off that it does just that. Then you probably blame yourself you letting it happen and then obsess about how to restart it
I think this comes from a small lack of confidence. At some point you may have been embarrassed or lost something because someone blamed you for not being 'there for them' or a 'wall flower' etc. So, normally you try anything to avoid this situation again.
The other part of the equation would be: be yourself. If you are generally interested in either the person or the topic, the conversation usually keeps on going. You can ask questions about the other person but make sure you tell about yourself as well.
I find that everyones' personality is a combination of all the people's personalities they have met in their lifetimes. You can see this in yourself when you pick up a phrase or habit from someone you admire.
I guess the best advice anyone could give you is, everyone is exciting and stimulating in their own way. It sounds like you want to get to know people, but you have to realize that they will like and admire you for you.
2006-07-20 06:05:40 · answer #2 · answered by craigy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People love to talk about themselves. If the conversation keeps trailing off, ask the other person questions about themselves.
You: So, have you done much traveling?
Joe: Oh yeah, I've been everywhere! I've been all over the US and most of Europe. Why this one time I was in Amsterdam with my college rugby team. We were pretty wasted and Greg says "Hey let's go for a swim in the canal, and blah blah blah
If you make the conversation about them, you won't be able to shut them up. [Almost] everyone has a few good stories. I've only met a couple of people who had lived completely useless, boring lives. For the most part everyone has at least one good story and it's usually pretty easy to coax them into telling it.
2006-07-20 04:36:59 · answer #3 · answered by automaticmax 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the simplest way to improve conversation skills is to use a skill called active listening.
this means that you actively listen to what another person is saying and then reflect some of that back to them.
This shows the person you are actually listeing to them..
it also means asking relevant questions.
for instance you meet a neighbour in the street and the conversation goes along these lines..
neighbour: Hi
you Hi. How is your day.
neighbour: it's cool
you: that is great I am glad your day is a good one. Do you have plans for the rest of the week?
neighbour: I am going to my aunts place.
you: Oh visiting your aunt. That is nice. What is your aunt like?
neighbour: She's a little old biddy that always makes a nusicance of herself.
you: I think we all have at least one nuisance aunt.. Where does your aunt live?
neighbour: She lives up in the mountains.
you: Oh a trip to the mountains. That is great.
Do you see that you repeat something of what th other person says and then add a question.... you focus on what the other person is saying.. and not on what you want to say..
2006-07-20 05:09:52 · answer #4 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Try reading books, magazines... well that could help you lot to improve ur communication skills. Coz it could brings you new ideas.
Just relax.... take things easy!!! Just be urself.
Making friends starts in Hi and Hello's then afterwards everything will follow. You have to be good in speaking and listening. You have to be open.... share anything you have in mind. Dont be scared of it. Any little thing that could start up a conversation is OK feel free coz everything start on that and not realizing ohhhh you guys been talking for an hours.
2006-07-20 04:49:46 · answer #5 · answered by toinky 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The easiest method of conversation lies not in talking, but in listening and asking questions. Everyone has something to talk about and is just waiting for another person to talk to. Everyone also relaxes most when another listens and asks questions about whatever is being said. Become a listener and a questioner and stop trying to think of things to say. A question is something to say after all. And, when you're listening, you'll be learning. You'll be learning about the other person -- his/her likes or dislikes, pet peeves, character, personality, intelligence, attitude, knowledge, and on and on. And the person who has done the talking will think you the best conversationalist in the world because you listened and asked questions which gave the speaker more time to talk about whatever was on his/her mind.
Try it and, before long, you'll be surprised how easily you'll be able to get into conversations. Then the trick will become how to extricate yourself from them.
Good luck.
2006-07-20 04:45:32 · answer #6 · answered by quietwalker 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Best technique I can give you: Control the conversation by asking questions. People LOVE to talk about themselves and about subjects that THEY are interested in, so if you keep asking questions it helps because you don't always have to try and think up something interesting, amusing, or funny to say. Also, people will appreciate you for listening to them. Try to ask open-ended questions, especially if you're dealing with a topic you know little or nothing about (like "I don't know much about that, can you tell me about it/explain it to me?") As you learn more about people, you can ask them relevent questions about their interests, or you can interject things that you have heard/read/seen/experienced that are relevent to their interests. Believe me, you'll win major points for listening to them and taking an interest in what is important to them. Good luck!
2006-07-20 04:40:26 · answer #7 · answered by sarge927 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quiet people are mysterious. I vote for staying quiet.
If you talk you might ruin your chances with women.
But if you MUST talk ... like on the movie "40 Year Old Virgin" ... always ask questions.
Then you don't ever have to answer anything.
Women love compliments. Especially on shoe choice and accessories, etc.
Don’t talk about yourself. If a girl asks you a question about yourself…limit your answer to 15 seconds. Then ask the same general question about HER.
Women talk about things that interest them … so if she asks YOU about a subject … then she must be interested in that subject.
EXAMPLE:
If she scratches your back REALLY hard when you are having intercourse …. Then scratch HER back REALLY hard … because obviously she likes it.
Basically ….
Ask questions
Remember what she tells you
Compliment her (not her body … her mind or her style, etc)
Follow her lead in conversations and did I mention ask questions..,..
Good Luck
2006-07-20 04:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by Scot G 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
you're solid at speaking online considering you're shy, even nonetheless while it includes seek advice from somebody on the telephone or in my opinion possibly you have problems. i think of you may desire to coach in front of the replicate and you may desire to study plenty with the intention to improve your vocabulary in that way you will study various new words and any communication would be straightforward to maintain. additionally you may desire to study some tips approximately communication skills.
2016-10-08 03:09:54 · answer #9 · answered by lyon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, first you need to look how you got into this conversation problem, did this happen to you when you were young, or did it happen when you got a bit older. Research shows that ppl from broken families are harder to sociolize with, that is because they have had some traumatic experiences, you need to look at your problem first and....... only you can find the answer.
2006-07-20 07:51:48 · answer #10 · answered by Dykes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋