Drop him after she has got what she wanted?

Question

Okay I was talking to my friend about whether she wanted to have a future family or what not. She told me that she had a plan to date a guy for six month get to know his personality, characteristics, then she would try to get pregnant by him, because she doesn't wnat to get married and she believes most guys are deadbeats anyway. After that, she wants to totally drop him and when she finally has the child she doesn't want him to support them. She said he could see their child but cannot live with them or provide for it. I really don't have a clue what to say to her...any suggestions in helping her?

I told her to visit a sperm bank but she said you would never know what they guy looks like or what his personality was like. The odd thing is she grew up with two good parents a mom and a dad.

Answer 1

Sounds like she should opt for sterilization. That isn't the kind of mother I'd wish on anyone.

Answer 2

Well - judging by the number of deadbeat dads she has a good chance of finding a guy that would be fine with that relationship.

However if she finds one that responsible, moral etc. and presumably this is what she's going to be looking for during her 6 month sperm donor interview, this is so wrong.

Also, while western courts are notorious biased in favour of the mother in most child custody cases she does run the risk of shared custody or perhaps even the father getting custody. In which case this would not be her decision to make.

Answer 3

Well, I can see where she's coming from to a degree...I mean, a lot of guys (but not all) do that to girls...the whole "have sex & leave" thing. But I think it's wrong to do that no matter which person does it. And there are also plenty of guys who would never date a girl just for the possibility of having sex.

The guy she finds could turn out to be a really great guy...caring, honest, responsible, intelligent, going somewhere in life, doesn't act like sex is the whole relationship, etc.

Or, her plan could backfire. He could turn out to be the kind that goes around saying the baby isn't his, refusing it and ruining her reputation. I don't think she wants to go through that. I'm sure that even if she didn't want the financial child support, she would still want him to admit the baby is his.

So, I think she should stay open to finding that really great guy. It might seem impossible to her in finding a guy like that, but he's out there.

Answer 4

Visit a sperm bank

Answer 5

thats pretty f*cked up! tell her to really think about what she is saying and that she may want that for herself but think about the baby and the father. when someone gives birth to a child they are no longer the only person in their life.

Answer 6

She's dead wrong for that, just go to a sperm bank, because that's all she wants. Don't do that to someone, because I know she wouldn't want someone to do it to her. And they say men are dogs

Answer 7

i think she needs to grow up. If he is the father then he can take her to court and he can have his parental rights. I would tell him about her plan. She is wrong in that. Children need a mother and father.

Answer 8

sounds to me that she just wanted to have a baby.and used the guy to get what she wanted.and now that she has the child she want nothing else to do with him.and as far as him haveing anything to do with his own flesh and blood.that should be up to him not her.just because she think that he may be a deadbeat. i don't think that was fair of her to say.cause he may not be one of those.it sounds to me that he wants to take care of what he crated with her.

Answer 9

Sound like she has a plan. She might change her mind later in life?

Answer 10

i bet she grew up that way too with out a dad in the house... maybe someday she can see how hard it must have been for her mom to raise her alone like that.... ( maybe )