my wife is very unhappy, as she puts it with her life right now. she wants nothing to do with me but still says she has feelings for me and cares for me. it has been tough, but i am able to deal with it. our daughter was gone for the summer and we seperated for 5 weeks and now she is back and i am back home. my problem now is my wife is ignoring her as well. i point blank asked her if she wants to leave us both for a while for a little soul searching and she will not give me a straight answer. the only thing she does is talk on the phone with friends and stay on the computer all night. we agreed that if divorce is the outcome she would have full custody, but now if this is how she is going to continue to act I think i should take custody. she is taking our daughter to her parents for the weekend and i have thought about calling her folks to let them know whats going on hoping they will help snap her out of this funk. please give me any advise you think might help. thanks
2006-07-20 04:22:42 · 14 answers · asked by vader1779 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counseling would be my next move
2006-07-20 04:24:55 · answer #1 · answered by TexasBoy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she been ingored her own blooded daughter??? and spend more time on computer all night and talking friends on the phone. Whoa! you already ask if she want both of you to leave her alone... and didn't answer. You even told her if Divorced she can have full custody of her daughter.
Man, I can't image doing that my 3 year old daughter if my wife did that. I know she won't do that. But she didn't even say really ok I will do right now. She very selfish to herself and nothing to do with you both.
I am a male and If I were you I would take full custody of my daughter. Here is the reason, Your daughter right now sees that Mommy don't want her and You do and If you been there for her and she will feel safe, loved, commucate, trust, protect, being with you. I won't be wasting my time on her. here what you should do also, She didn't have nothing to do with her daughter and you, what you do take full custody, then go to court let the court know that you are 100% taking care of her. Don't needed help from her. Let the Judge know that she has been ingore my daughter and She act like she never met us and talk to us. I Just want her out of our life. Not worth for my daughter to go on weekend or weeks when she ingore. I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I am the father and It my job to meet my daughter needs. since my wife not want to or care to my daughter.
When it final, remember she will change her mind and want you back and kids back. Let her know that I am sorry, You made that choice. I even made you offer but you didn't answer me at all. I made that choice to keep you out of her life and made the choice to be her life.
If you don't do that Your daughter will be so in the middle wondering who love her and she will have plm later. Take care of this right now no waiting for her and Don't tell her after you got full custody of that child and paper work. and final and she still bothering you get restrain orders.
It not fair for you mostly waiting on her. I hope this helps for your answer. I don't think she wil ever snap her out of this funk.
2006-07-20 04:49:36 · answer #2 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think twice about giving full custody of a child to a woman who is so unhappy in herself that she is willing to give up her responsibilities she took on as a wife and a mother. If she is being this selfish now, imagine the resentment she would have against your daughter if she had to take care of her full time and you were not there to take on her share of responsibilities as well as your own. There is no winning when it comes to divorce and the effects it has on children. Give your daughter all the support that you can and let her know that you love her and that she has done nothing wrong, but that mommy is having a hard time and that if you do decide to divorce it does not reflect on how much you both love her. I hope everything works out for you and your'e family. keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
2006-07-20 04:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by belinda f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As both of u r mature enough so its not the question of ur lives being spoiled the question here is what about the daughter.... I think u should talk to ur wife about this clearly and specifically.... u should put all ur points in front of her and let her give the answers.... and if u ppl are divorcing... then please don't ignore the necessary things like when will u meet ur daughter.... what are u going to give ur wife if she keeps her etc... at the end i would suggest u to take a decision after proper thinking and understanding... don't just take a quick step... after all its the question of ur daughter's life... once again be clear and specific while talking about this with ur wife... my wishes... take care
2006-07-20 04:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
typically, if someone can't give you a straight answer it's because they know it's an answer you won't like. in other words, yes, she really does want to leave. I wouldn't give full custody regardless of what kind of parent she might be and why would you want to? It gives full control to her over whether or not you will even see your daughter. I would go joint just to protect your rights as a parent, really. I'm sorry things are going so badly for you, but it sounds like this is really the end of the line and you can't fix what she doesn't truly want fixed. As hard as it might be, you should probably cut her loose and set her free.
2006-07-20 04:28:48 · answer #5 · answered by hecatesmoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The other problem that your wife may be facing is depression. The inability to give straight answers means she is not sure why she is so unhappy. She may be battling a chemical imbalance. Have her go see a therapist so that she can start sorting out what has her this upset. Eventually, join her in therapy to show your support and work together to get through the problems. Hope this helps. Good luck
2006-07-20 04:50:27 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel your child will not be cared for properly by your wife, then fight for custody of her. Men are winning custody cases more often now. Maybe your wife needs some counselling, I don't know how she would feel about it, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone. It helped me when I separated from my husband. Whatever you decide to do I wish you luck. All the best to you and your daughter.
2006-07-20 04:26:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE reconsider giving her custody, and consider getting COUNSELING for this little girl. This is a big burden for a little one and she will need some sessions with a trusted and unbiased adult tp remind her that none of this is her fault and it isn't her job to fix it, this will be a very hard time for her!
There is nothing wrong with calling your in-laws, but remember they may defend their daughter to the end. But reconsider giving your wife custody of your daughter.
The all night computer usage is a HUGe signal that this woman is having cyber affairs and seems more interested in her own selfish pursuits, than her marriage or her child.
2006-07-20 04:45:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The old stand by "marriage counseling" is the answer in this case. It sounds like your wife maybe suffering from depression and if she is the counselor will be able to determine that and possible advise medication. Don't go forward with a divorce when it could be something very easy to fix. You owe it to your whole family.
2006-07-20 04:29:11 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calling her parents might be a good idea if you think they might be your allies in this. You can tell them that you love their daughter and want to make the marriage work and explain what is going on.
If you can, take divorce off the table as an option at least for now. See if you can get your wife to instead commit to really focusing on your marriage for a period of time (like the next year). Ask your wife what she needs from you to make this marriage work, and try to get her to agree to spend time with you and your daughter in the evenings instead of talking to friends or on the computer. Use that times to play games together, or go for walks, or go out for an ice cream. Turn off the TV and get her out of the house if the phone and computer are too great of a distraction. Get a baby sitter once a week and take your wife out on a date. My husband and I have been married for 20 years, and we go out every Friday night. (If we have to miss Friday, we substitute another night in the week. It is a priority for us and extremely important.)
Think of ways to really show your wife that you love her. It is very difficult to resist someone who actively loves you. If you can save this marriage, your daughter will greatly benefit (as will you and your wife).
2006-07-20 05:43:51 · answer #10 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, talk to her parents. and for custody, if she is ignoring your daughter now, she will ignore her when she has full custody and your daughter will hate both of you for that. so you should fight for custody and let her visit mom. since she cant give you a straight answer take your daughter and leave. make it for her. make it better for you and your daughter. dont let your daughter go with her, she needs her space by herself and your daughter should live with you.
get the divorce anyway. and get custody too. fight.
2006-07-20 04:52:21 · answer #11 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋