Here's a story.. and I never understand it.. these aren't real people.. but I know tonnes that this has happened too
Jack and Susie are dating. Jack meets a lady named um.. Jen. Jack woos Jen and they have a few dates and then have sex.. Jen doesn't know that Susie exists. Susie finds out about Jack cheating on her.. and goes after Jen.. it's not her fault.. the girl didn't even know Jack had a girlfriend..
Why is it that when we find out a partner is cheating we go after the other person.. who in most cases.. didn't know that they were " the other person"
2006-07-20 02:04:38 · 7 answers · asked by Imani 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cheating in a relationship requires an "object ". In Susie's case, she decides to go after Jen with the wrong notion and belief that Jen is the ultimate cause of her misery and the object of Jack's new affection; the reason why he cheated.
Refusing to take some blame for a failed realtionship, Susie tries to heap the blame on another to sub-consciously release herself from any participation in the failure. Remember, the coin has 2 sides...failed relationships usually require more than just "cheating" per se. Here, Susie does not want any part in the blame and is quick to channel her anger at someone else. Jen, is considered as the best target!
(However, put yourself in Jen's shoes and analyze the situation ~Jen is not an enemy)
But why do we go after a person who has cheated us?...
1.To prove our desirability should our partner decide to leave the other and come back to us-thereby recovering from our misses.
2. Revenge
3.To insist dominion over another.
4. To claim ownership/patent over a relationship.
5. To prove our point.
6. Because we couldn't bear the rejection...or better still our lives lacked enough challenge..and for the lack of better things to do, wallowing in our misery and making sure that the same would rub off on others would give us a false sense of rationalization that we are not alone( that is a dumb idea, but true-and how we should call the CRAB MENTALITY).
One NOTE though...
Cheaters whether husbands, boyfriends, lovers or friends probably led dull lives and this is their way of proving their worth. Your sulking, crying would definitely expand an originally deflated confidence...and you will be a star on a blank scoreboard. When someone cheats on you...Get up, girl! Leave the cheater alone and his new -OOA- at least you got rid of him. Someday, his ways will catch up with him, (mark my words!) and you wouldn't want to be there when he splatter his smelly bowels...do you???
2006-07-20 02:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by maville 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does happen way too often. And I agree with you, I can't ever understand it, especially if she didn't know about the other girlfriend/wife. I believe the reason why this happens is that the main girlfriend, Susie, loves the boyfriend and doesn't have any feelings at all for the second girlfriend, Jen, therefore she finds it easier to lash out at the Jen who didn't know anything about Susie. But you are right, if Susie didn't know that Jack was a liar, then it's Jack who should get his *** wooped by both Susie and Jen. lol.
But, if the Jen knew about Susie, then that's a different story.
2006-07-20 09:12:58 · answer #2 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason they blame the other woman is because otherwise it means blaming themselves for not being good enough.
For a woman to blame her man for cheating, it means admitting she wasn't a good enough catch, and the guy had to go find something better. It's an ego thing, and people go into denial.
In addition to that, people will always want what they can't have. When a girl discovers her man is cheating, she wants him back just because someone else wants him. It doesn't make sense, and is stupid, but girls are stupid. :-P
Kinda like kids and their toys. They don't play with their toy for weeks, but the second another kid touches it, all in a sudden it becomes their favorite toy in the world, and they fight for it.
2006-07-20 09:40:28 · answer #3 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't quite understand it either. I could be wrong, but I think women seem more likely to "blame the other woman" instead of the cheating lover than men are. Personally, if I found out that my girlfriend was cheating, I would be pissed at him, but I would be ready to break HER nose. Your girlfriend (or boyfriend, in the ladies' case) should be someone that you can trust absolutely. I don't necessarily expect loyalty or decency from a total stranger, but I sure as hell think I have a right to expect it from the person I love. Anyway...
2006-07-20 09:32:49 · answer #4 · answered by Baron Hausenpheffer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Susie isn't emotionally involved with Jen. It's easier to hate someone you don't know.
2006-07-20 09:45:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because people in those situations refuse to believe their partner is at fault. They want to blame anyone but them - they want to believe the other person is the guilty one. I don't get it either. Fortunately, I've not been in that situation and I'm so glad. It sounds painful.
2006-07-20 09:07:58 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you feel like they STOLE your man away. You hate them because you think they have something that MADE him do it. We love to make excuses for our men because we don't wanna believe he would do this.....we wanna believe the evil temptress made him do it. You think, how could she not know he was married?! She must've known and didn't care! That beotch! She should've known better!
Seriously...we think this.
It hurts when you find out someone you love is not the person you thought they were.
2006-07-20 09:15:37 · answer #7 · answered by Babycakes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋