What will be your reaction if you receive this message?And what's your opinoin about it?

Question

I like to write poems. Do like this one that I wrote it?


Love is all that I can thinkin my mind
I want your heart to be all mine
Show me that you wish some desire
Let's make a love in fire
I want to be with you
But you knew
That love lives in our breathes
When we stay alone together days
Nights and days of my life
I'll put them on the knife
To have at least a moment
That will be pemanent
To hear your heart sing
The song more precious than a golden ring
All that we need is passion
We must pay more attention
On the secrets of love.

It's an art of words and all art pieces give emotions, so I'm not misusing this sections with other purposes.

Answer 1

Reaction: Warm & Fuzzy
Opinion: "thinkin" should have a "g" on the end of it.

Answer 2

No Babyrawl, it is "think in", not thinking - all it needs is a space between the two words.

Reaction: It 's sweet, it would make me happy to know that someone cared so much. I wish my bf would write something like that for me!

Opinion: As poems go, it's not great, the words don't rhyme properly, and not all of it makes sense... However, keep trying 'cos it's a really sweet and good attempt!

A suggestion is: try not to make all the words rhyme, it's not always neccassary.

Heres a short one I wrote, you like?

Imagine a world where mermaids can't swim,
Where unicorns are horses in disguise,
And angels do not sing,
Imagine leaving innocence behind,
Imagine life in an adult's mind.

Answer 3

Well, since you asked...I think you have a good start but it's a bit cheesy with everything rhyming. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I don't like it because it doesn't flow. Parts of it are a bit awkward. Try more imagery.

Keep working on it. Good luck.

Answer 4

DO not misuse this section for other purposes.

Answer 5

a cool song,right na? find out who sent it. share your opinion with that person. he/she will surely be waiting for an answer.