hi,
ok so i have a GF (fiancee). we had a recent falling out and have tried to find way to get back together. major prob. is that i told her to keep me informed of what is going on with her life. i give her all the freedom, but need to know when and with whom she is going out with, especially now that we are living apart. she never informs me (or tells me the next day) and when i find out things and confront her, she becomes pissed and says that i am trying to control her life (that am spying on her)!!
isn't it my right to know what is going on, or am i controlling as she says?
2006-07-19 22:08:11 · 10 answers · asked by ali k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is perfectly acceptable to ask questions like this if you are together... not when you are not together.
2006-07-19 22:15:29 · answer #1 · answered by miss-pelld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to say...
it's doesn't really sound like it's about control.. more like you just want to know where she is all the time, rather than tell her where she can go. you may just be overprotective of a little paranoid.
however, you did say a couple of things that made me wonder...
like you giving her freedom... you don't give her freedom, it's hers, she gets it because she's human, and a big girl now, and this is the 21st century. you can't give her freedom anymore than you can take it away. it is not your gift to her, it is her birthright.
you also said "i told her to keep me informed" as opposed to "i asked her to let me know". you may mean it the same way, but when it is put like you just did, it sounds like you are somehow above her, her superior, ordering a secretary to keep you updated. no, you do not have the right to know what is going on if she doesn't want to tell you. she has the right to some privacy, and if she doesn't want to tell you what she did with every minute of her day, she doesn't have to.
now, if you asked nicely, she probably would. i would say, back off for a few days, stop asking. then after a while instead of "where were you all day", try telling her about your day and then following that up with "and how did your day go"? i think you'll find her far more willing to talk then.
2006-07-20 05:24:01 · answer #2 · answered by gwenwifar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, things are already starting out bad. You should keep your options open and maybe seek someone else.Because if she is not willing to inform you of her where abouts and with whom, she might be hiding something from you. So Run.... Now that you have the chance. Because it seems she not ready to become your wife. If the shoe was on the other foot, and she was asking the questions, boy it be a different, it be a law, that you would have to comply with, and answer all her questions.
2006-07-20 06:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by meatball288001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how you ask her. If you are demanding to know every detail of her day then yes, you are contolling. When people love each other then they should trust each other. And if she doesn't volunteer the information then maybe it's not that important, or maybe she doesn't want you to know. Let her tell you what she did, don't keep asking her. My husband calls me 50 times a day, and every time he calls he asks me what I'm doing, or why I didn't answer the phone. It gets so annoying cause he doesn't need to know what I'm doing all day long, and I never do anything wrong. So, keep in mind that when you keep bombarding her with questions, she is not going to want to tell you anything. Back off, and maybe you will hear what you want to hear.
2006-07-20 05:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hell no it ain't your right. just cause ya'l engaged don't mean nothing. where is your trust in this relationship? yes you sound like one. this will only lead to a break up not only that you'll regret. work on it. pressure isn't good. so what freedom does she have if you ask or tell her that? counseling should help. she's not yours yet and she won't be yours if you act like this. long distance is hard and of course will make your mind wonder. talk things out. open up or tell her why and all that other stuff. ya'l should know all the likes and dislikes and whom each other really is. just saying
2006-07-20 05:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by baby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are too controlling! Give her some space and freedom and she will respect you more and then she will want to be with you more. It sounds like you dont trust her
2006-07-20 05:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by bambi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better not try to control the other person, which is invasion of privacy.
Just remeber what you fell if she also does the same.
2006-07-20 05:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by Kumar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not together so it is none of your bussiness what she does.You are definately a control freak.What you are doing is justifying to yourself(and trying to justify to her)your right to be a stalker.
2006-07-20 05:15:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a rose.
Admire its beauty, caress its soft petals, smell its sweet fragrance...
Pluck it to keep it all to yourself, and it will die.
2006-07-20 09:49:59 · answer #9 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
moderation is the key
2006-07-20 05:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by Princess illusion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋