hey everyone. This question is more on a serious note. When i was only 14, i was kinda taken advantage of by this 29 year old guy. He promised to only take me somewhere to eat...but it didnt happen that way. It was only oral...
This really has made me into an emotional trainwreck. I now have a boyfriend and i feel like im hiding it if I dont tell him, but what if I tell him and he dosent understand?Maybe its not appropriate for me to say anything to him but what if he finds out later and is upset? I really dont know what to do. what should I do?
Please only serious answers..this really did make me into an emotional mess.
2006-07-19 20:21:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It's called childhood sexual abuse (CSA), and it can be very devastating. "I was kinda taken advantage of...", he promised a bite to eat that turned into something else, "it was only oral." Hon, I am so very sorry. You aren't responsible for this, you aren't guilty, you aren't dirty and unworthy. It doesn't matter that it only happened once, and it doesn't matter if it felt good. You were a kid and you were most definitely taken advantage of and abused. It's not you. It's something that happened to you, was done to you.
It sounds like you've been burying this experience, hiding it, for a long time. It's not going to go away by itself. This is one of those things that time alone does not heal. Please go see a therapist before it hinders more of your life. There's no shame. CSA is not uncommon. There are gay and gay friendly therapists out there. Take control instead of letting the incident continue to control you.
As for you bf, it depends on your relationship. If he's a mature person who really cares for you, he'll understand that you were an innocent kid. This is a decision that a therapist can help you come to the best decision for you. Nameless, faceless ppl in cyberspace, well, we're not the folks to help you decide that.
2006-07-19 20:49:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel that you should find a way to tell your boyfriend. Not only will it help you, but it will help him as well. Since you are still feeling the emotional repercussions of that event, then it is bound to transfer over into your life now. Your boyfriend needs to know why it is that you pull back sometimes, or become emotionally distant or needy. That way he knows it isn't him, and he can help you cope with it.
Don't go through this alone. He is there, and I'm sure he cares for you....so sit him down and tell him that you don't want to upset him, but you feel it's time that he learns about another part of you....a part that might affect how you are in relationships.
Best of luck to you. I know that you can get through this, and I know he would want to help.
2006-07-20 09:54:48 · answer #2 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it and move on or get therapy if it was that traumatic. This happens to a lot of people, why should this continue to be an issue for you. Tell your boyfriend don't tell your boyfriend, I am sure he probably has a similar story, and if he doesn't like it and leaves you because of it then good riddance do you really need to be with someone that insensitive. If you are really serious you will put it behind you and go on with your life, you must still be young, because if that is the worst thing that ever happened to you, hang on it gets a lot tougher going forward!
2006-07-20 08:38:29 · answer #3 · answered by angelicdreamzhome 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I consider myself to be str8, however when I was 12 my older brother (who died of AIDs in '91) did something similar to me while I was sleeping and it screwed me up for years. I don't go telling too many people about it anymore, but I do understand where you're coming from.
If you want saome sympathy by all means tell your b/f. If he's an ok guy he should understand. Just be careful how you broach the subject as he might not understand completely.
It's a very tough thing your dealing with. Seek counciling I did and it's the best thing I ever did.
2006-07-20 04:43:28 · answer #4 · answered by lifhapnz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not good to be keeping secrets from you're boyfriend. You should definitely tell him about what happened...and explain how it has made you into an "emotional trainwreck"...i'm sure he wont get upset but instead will be understanding about it. Also explain why it took you so long to tell him. Being open with each other will bring you both closer.
2006-07-20 03:27:47 · answer #5 · answered by scrazygirl25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is a terrible thing, especially in the way the after effects stay with us so long. You did nothing wrong. The 29 year old man was wrong to put you in a sexual situation you were in no way prepared to deal. You need to get this off your chest. I hope that you boyfriend will be supportive of you, ahd help you to get past this traumatic and abusive event in your past. You have nothing to feel guilty about. And I don't believe you have a responsibilty to reveal this past abuse to everyone you know or date, but if you are in a relationship with this man, he should know about your history, so that he can understand and love you.
2006-07-20 06:29:14 · answer #6 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether to tell him or not is a very personal choice. I do not think you should let yourself feel pressured one way or the other. It sounds like you have been pressured before. Don't let it happen again. If this is something you want to share with him, then share it. It was painful and horrid and if you have any doubts about him as a human being (and it sounds as if you might), then share it with someone whom you trust emotionally. I also think you should seek an experienced therapist. Someone whom you have researched and who has dealt with child sexual abuse before. May your god bless and keep you. I am very sorry you went through that!
2006-07-20 03:30:27 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki Tesla 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was 9 year old I was raped by 7 guys at camp. My cabin attacked me one night and raped me because I was the smallest and youngest. I was devastated for years. It took me 29 years to come to terms with what had happened to me. I understand what you are going through. Talking about it makes it easier to deal with. Every-time I talk about it with others it makes it easier and lessens the emotional pain associated with it.
Talk to your boyfriend tell him you have something in your past that happened and you are needing support to deal with it. Make him understand how much this hurt you before you tell him what happened that will help him to bring forth the proper emotional strength to give you what you need regarding this.
Good luck and God bless
2006-07-20 09:20:23 · answer #8 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that. You should go to the Police about being taken advantage of and file a report. It was not your fault and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. Tell your boyfriend if you want to. How he reacts to such news can tell you a lot about what kind of person he is. Maybe you should talk to someone about it too, for support and to help you move on. Again, not your fault.
2006-07-20 06:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by MindStorm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, why would he care if you had sex with others? He might be very concerned for YOU under the circumstances...that was statutory rape, whether you wanted it or not. Why would he find out...it is NONE of his business, and his past isn't yours. I don't really understand the energy you are spending on this. IF I had to account for every BJ I have had in my life, there would be no time left to get more of them....stop with the worry...tell or don't ... that is up to you. IF he is upset that you have had sex with someone else, what is HIS problem????
2006-07-20 07:04:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋