what should I do ?

Question

I have been married for 10 years, and well I just know that my husband and I are at that point where we really don't love each other as much as we did we both really don't want to leave cause we have 2 girls , and well it reall fells like we are just friends roomates , and is that really normal or am i just trippin ,

Answer 1

me and my husband got to the roomie stage...and did that for awhile..after a bit..that got old..cause I wanted more..I wanted a life and I wanted someone to love me and me to love them like no other....
so..we did a friendly divorce..we are still good friends and it's worked out for the better .

Answer 2

And at what point is it that you think you and you husband have arrived? It sounds as if, at least, you think or have thought that this was an inevitability. 10 years is commendable, but it's a mere drop in the bucket. You haven't "reached a point" in your marriage. It sounds like you've reached a point in your life. What you need to do is focus on making some changes in your life.
Are you afraid to talk to your husband about your secret goals? Do you think he'll not support your desire to do whatever it is that you long to do?
Or is that it? You don't have a secret goal? You don't have any desires?
Yes, you are tripping, and so is your husband. You both need to stop not doing whatever it is is you are doing that's keeping you both from doing what you should be doing. AND you need to do it together.
"Through thick and thin for better or worse, 'til death do us part". Or a variation thereof. AND if all you can say is "well it reall fells like we are just friends roomates", then you haven't even scratched the surface of real hard times.
Quit tripping. Both of you! Straighten up!

Answer 3

I've only been married six years, with two children, and thus far our marriage is fine. Love in a marriage changes over time, with love growing and changing with each year and each event (house, kids, car, etc.). If you continue to communicate with each other, then that's like the water that nurtures the flower. If you just don't talk and go day in day out without anything interesting, then the flower will die...

You are the best at evaluating whether your marriage is just changing, or if it's dying... no one can tell that for you from just these few sentences you write...

Answer 4

Ask God for help. BOTH of you. He can change hearts.

Honor the vows: "For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc 'til death do us part." Work on your relationship. Dig DEEPER into each other. Let down the masks. Do some stuff together that you normally wouldn't do. Rediscover FUN with each other! Get a babysitter! Take a weekend vacation at a hotel in a nearby city. Steam up the windows again...! C'mon! Get busy!

Answer 5

It is so common that a marriage loses it's flame.
Please take this serious...because divorce only creates a whole set of new problems for you....and let's remember that (unless he's abusive) it's devastating for the kids.
There are a million books, a million counselors.
I'm a Dr. Laura fan and she has a few books re this
"The Care and Feeding of Husbands"
"Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess up Their Lives"??
Check them out
Stick it out.
Figure out how to make it better.
Start by making a date night at least once a month....find something fun, low pressure to do together.
I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 6

i felt the same way. my kids were grown and we had no babies to worry about,. we moved into an apartment by ourselves and it was a good change for a bit. Then it just seemed like we didn't know each other or have anything in common. i started to wonder if maybe all the while we stayed together because the kids held us together. now that they were gone, we just couldn't seem to enjoy each other , we didn't like to see the same movies , and we never went anywhere. Now, 29 years later, i'm glad we were patient and held out, because we get along better, he helps me out with everything, cooks just for me and me for him. We are more considerate with each other. we don't argue, we get mad, but we no longer dwell on dumb things. He and i both work, and we now enjoy being home together, we of course don't agree on the movies we see, but we give each other space, then we connect later. hang in there, it's way better than starting all over with someone else. God bless.

Answer 7

I know what you mean, consider it a lull,
Work at some spice, Your friends ,your not fighting and you are parents. Some mariage encounter work group might help, Talking toother couples in the same boat , maried with kids , I sometimes say to my wife we are more like a corporation than a couple, We are twenty eight years together, and we still have to work at it, Good luck . Ps. Just don't try to hang wallpaper together,

Answer 8

I agree with the girl who said she wanted a life....someone who loved her and someone to love.....its just not fair to just exist with someone. Life is precious. Find your soulmate and he should do the same. You will both be happy you did. I didnt feel right in my heart about my husband...so I left him when I was 4 months pregnant....lol....I know it sounds awful, but I felt like I was in a fishbowl. I needed a life....so I got one, and Im so very thankful that I had the sheer courage to do that....I have come to love myself and my kids and I are so happy every single day!!!!

Answer 9

You and your hubby should get away for romantic weekend alone together to see if the spark is still there. All the tension of jobs, raising the girls etc. could be getting to you mentally. if that doesn't work maybe you should consider a split.

Answer 10

I have one child and I feel that way right now too. It's been over 10 years and we're trying to work through it. Maybe you need to spend some time alone with one another or try marriage counseling.