My new husband has this woman whom he has known for 16 years. He had been intimate with her in the past, but after workinh on a relationship it never worked out. The problem I have is that she's continues to call for stupid reasons just to talk to him and he gets offensive when I express to him that I do not want her calling. It's not that I dont trust him. I just dont trust her. What to do? How to feel? Should I worry.. or just let it go? I've thought about calling her and seeing exactly what her motive is, but have been told that if I do that then she's accomplishing whats shes after and thats getting under my skin and causing me to be jealous. ANY ADVICE??
2006-07-19 13:37:17 · 16 answers · asked by Dawn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've thought about your question before answering. And honestly, I believe they are just friends....genuine friends. Sometimes we
(fe/male) attempt to have a relationship with our best friend after coming out of a sour relationship. Most often it doesn't work out because of several reasons. Firstly, we know too much intimate facts about the other person and therefore trust would be a key issue. For your husband to have this woman as a friend, I believe your just overacting a bit. Yes, he's your husband. I understand... you want to be happy. Well in this case, your happiness is your huband's unhappiness. You might want to compromise on this one. Remember, they have been friends for 16 years. If your husband had truly loved this woman, he would have given her the RING. Obviously, it's not so. It's good you let your husband know however, where you stand with their friendship. That doesn't mean you have the right to crush it. We (male/female) also need to have at least one friend in our life. Whether male or female, it just depends on who you are comfortable reasoning with. Don't feel I'm justifying your husband's behavior, because I'm not. Just relax, avoid talking about her. Who knows, maybe soon she will be out of the picture. Again, other women like to show owership. Don't let this fool make you feel jealous. Show her you are more of a woman. You have class. If she calls at a time which you consider to be late, you have the right to tell her not to call you house this time of the night. For your sake, tell your husband to get a cell phone and have her call it. Never mine her, she wants what you have and is obviously disappointed.. Soon or later your husband will reveal her motive to you. ( As you stated, "she's accomplishing what she's after"). Good Luck with your marriage and remember to pray. Don't let her get under your skin!
2006-07-19 14:25:14 · answer #1 · answered by Reidi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 22:54:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issue is a communication failure. both she doesn't understand how severe you experience because you have not informed her or because she isn't listening. What you pick to do instead of letting her get away with "you're giving me a headache" take some day holiday of the day to have a severe communique. let her understand how you experience and the way it makes you uncomfortable. Even tell her that it truly is amazingly uncomfortable because she has had sex with all of them in case you imagine it may well be an effective concept. if that doesn't artwork then i'd say the first step is to represent counseling or a 0.33 celebration intervening. If it nevertheless doesn't artwork i'd provide up attending those get togethers and take administration of the money so she will't bypass loopy with it. If she nevertheless doesn't get how severe you're then she likely doesn't care. good success and that i'm hoping each and everything works out.
2016-12-01 23:08:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you are trying to be the controlling wife that men hate by being picky about the friends he has?
it is his friend and you trust your husband so what is the problem, if your husband is a good man then everything should be fine, but since this is causing some kind of tension or problem then either you don't have the full authority and control in your mairage that you feel you are entitled to and want or you don't trust your husband for some unknown reason.
how would you like it if he started dictating who you can and can not be friends with based on his own insecurities
2006-07-19 13:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where to begin...Its a hard thing to figure out but if he gets mad when you say something then that should really send up some red flags...And yes deep down it is a matter of not trusting him and her...He gives you good reason not to trust him...If he really loved you he would set his foot down with her and let her know its not right to try to interfere with your marriage...What to do??Say what you feel and let him know its bothering you...How to feel?? The way you already do...Should you worry???Yes,its causing a problem and he should put an end to it..Just let it go???No...If he really loves you he will understand and stop it...I hate to say it but if he doesn't stop then maybe some time apart will let him know you are serious and he will act like a real husband and pick the one he married...Good luck hun....
2006-07-19 14:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's a true friend to your husband then she should be a friend to you. That means she shouldn't be trying to get under ANYONES skin. If your husband doesn't understand your delima try writing it down for him. Men sometimes just turn on the mute button when we're trying to talk to them. Be understanding though. This is a long time friend of his. There may be nothing sexual going on just friendship. If they really are just friends though they should allow you to go with them everywhere they go and do everything they do without question. Don't look too suspicious though. Keep it casual. Good Luck.
2006-07-19 14:04:21 · answer #6 · answered by reese172003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that in a relationship that both partners should be willing to do what ever to make the other happy. I think that you should tell your husband that you don't like that he is talking to an ex-girlfriend. Tell him that its not that you don't trust him, because you do. Then ask him if it would bother him if one of your ex's started calling you. Would it bother him if you saw them? I think that if you sit you husband down and really talk to him about this then you will be able to work this out.
2006-07-19 13:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by Cheese 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are friends. They have a relationship. It's platonic now, right? You should calm down about it, and become more secure in your relationship.
Your husband should also, out of respect for you, establish some boundaries with the female friend - like when it is and isn't appropriate for her to call. It may take a little while.
Discuss this with your husband and let him know that you are uncomfortable with this relationship. He should reassure you and hopefully offer to establish boundaries. And you should get to know her, and maybe become friends with her, too. Invite her over for dinner? And maybe invite a male friend of yours... who knows, maybe they will start a relationship, too.
best of luck to you.
2006-07-19 13:45:48 · answer #8 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes make friends with her. Be her best friend...do things with her. Once you have a better relationship with her he'll get nervous. He won't like it if he knows you twop are trading notes on him!
Open attack won't work. It will only make him bind to her closer. She's a friend now and you're trying to wipe out his friends...taking control over his life etc....
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can. It wil also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Remember "Keep you friends close and your enemies closer"
2006-07-19 14:23:04 · answer #9 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He married you not her. Let him know that if he continues to accept her calls on a daily basis you are walking.
2006-07-19 13:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by mjmj0103 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋